It’s a common thing from what I’ve heard. But also, if you ever check out dating apps and sites here (especially DTF ones) they are full of married women looking for discreet affairs 🤷♂️
Only with their husbands.
I’ll go with “depends on the person and it’s probably worldwide and not limited to Japan”. I don’t think it’s any different here. You’ll probably have ups and downs. If there are issues, then communication is key, which I think people generally don’t do for whatever reason.
It happens globally. If it sucks why would they want more?
That’s the culture. You could blame the women, but mostly the men. Because if your wife exists just to provide children, how do you expect them to react?
If you look at [https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/) this is not a Japan only phenomenon and while it is more often women whose libido is lower, it is an issue that exists everywhere, regardless of nation, culture, race or sex/gender. There are a lot of reasons:
* Mismatched libidos, trying to keep up with your partner initially to keep them, once married, revert to what is their preference * Magic wears off, initially sex is exciting and new, over time it could become stale or boring, especially if one or partner doesn’t communicate or put the effort in * btw, long term relationships need effort, you get what you put in * Stress/tired, this is a big one, when you barely have downtime you just want to collapse and zone out, you just don’t have the energy, because sex is a lot more work/effort than masturbation * fyi, just one day or a week off doesn’t fix this, like burnout, stress/tiredness needs to be reduced for a reasonably long period like a month to reset the body and it shouldn’t just be temporary otherwise a person can end just using the month with reduced stress to horde downtime in preparation of all the stress returning. * Children/childbirth/breastfeeding, the whole thing tends to be a massive bundle of stress, tiredness, hormones, healing, etc
Those are just some of them, there are lots of reasons.
I’ve heard that a lot from my coworkers… but have never experienced it myself. Currently married to a Japanese woman, we’ve been together for several years. We have a young child and we are as active as ever. I think it takes work, especially with children in the mix… need to proactively make an effort.
When it’s considered “normal” for the child to sleep between its parents on the futon for the first 6 years of its life, it’s very hard to have an adult sex life, and to continue seeing each other as romantic partners and not just coparents.
Both halves of the couple need to keep prioritising and making time/opportunity for romance.
I’m married to a Japanese man, and we clarified a lot of these expectations early in our relationship.
It is after birth thing. Priority shifts to child, still most couples have sex albeit declined frequency
Married 12 years, 2 kids. We still root like rabbits, and we both work full-time.
Yep… I hear and see this alllllll the timeeee…
And here I am, left heart broken once again finding out that I was just an 都合のいい女. the guy I was seeing is engaged, married etc etc 😮💨
Carrying the mental load of a family and household is not sexy to most women. Especially if they work outside the home, bottom line most household tasks and childcare, it is pretty easy to resent the husband for not contributing or at least to not want to accommodate him any more than they already are. A lot of Japanese men grew up with dads who didn’t lift a finger at home, and are calculating how to share tasks when a lot of mothers work outside the home as well.
I’m foreigners my wife is Japanese married for 14 years 3 kids but still have sex regularly. So it really depends on the person
It’s not only the Japanese women, Japanese men too
I wonder how many people here commenting are middle aged women.
Yes, this is common globally. It has a lot to do with division of labor and childcare and the focus turning to taking care of the kids. The higher the mental load, the lower the libido, studies have shown. But also very very common with young kids in the house.
Make Friday nights date night in the bedroom, kid(s) in another room, big TV, sexy lingerie, bit of alcohol and a hanime.tv with premium membership. Obviously showered and shaved beforehand.
…is how we do it, figure something out.
Prefacing this with saying it depends on the person!
But I’ve talked about this with my Japanese friends. A lot of women will say things like “once I’m a mother I don’t see him as sexy anymore” or they’re “not interested in silly sex anymore”.
It’s just my theory, but you know how Japanese people love to have an assigned role? Being from a collectivist society and all, and growing up with roles reinforced. I think married life and motherhood are another example of roles. Once a woman becomes a “mama”, they leave their wild carnal younger years behind and “grow up” beyond needing sex. (Actually I don’t believe women really don’t want sex, but that’s the role.) In the west we tend to value the individual’s satisfaction over the group or their role. (Again, this is very broadly generalized.)
These roles are also influenced by gender norms and the belief that women wanting sex = wild.
I don’t personally have experience with this, but I’ve always thought co-sleeping with kids to be part of it too. On one hand I see the value in it for the child and why they think it’s cold or us to our little kids in their own lonely room. However, my American brain thinks it’s very important for couples to maintain intimacy as a staple of their relationship, even if it’s just cuddling at night.
It’s true, me and my wife were getting it on regularly til we had our first child, then we did it once and second child was born then haven’t done it since (4 years now). Thing is it’s pretty impossible to get anything started as I sleep on one end of the bed and she sleeps on the other with two kids in the middle. What age do kids in Japan start sleeping in their own room? No idea.
So I hear.
Once the baby comes.
She moves the baby in the bedroom and you get… well wherever. As long as you keep bringing home the bacon you’ll not be completely discarded.
The big difference in my view is the co-sleeping. Back home, most people will have a room for the baby and start using it within a few months, and also when the baby can sleep through the night will aim for an early bed time.
People I know here are much slower to reclaim their lives back. The kid is in the room for years, bedtimes seem to be quite late and people don’t seem to be aware of maintaining what they had before as much.
Personally speaking we just went through a long dry patch and hopefully are through the other side, six months or so. This wasn’t really anyone’s fault, the baby kept getting sick, us too and some other things going on. It’s pretty difficult, and I think alot of resentment and stress can build up. Some nights I was thinking “well if this is how its going to be, I might have to start looking for alternatives”.
Its quite a lot of work doing all this and I can easily see how breakdowns happen if you aren’t actively working at it. And, might be wrong but a lot of people here are not great at communicating their needs.
It’s amazing that you can be seriously sued for adultery in Japan. In one of the most adulterous countries in the world.
There is a whole cottage industry of private detectives that can be hired to catch infidelity.
Then cheating half’s partner can be sued. For big bucks. They also will likely lose their job as their company will be notified by the detective or civil court. The shame.
Messy.
I’ve seen two foreigners get caught up in it.
One who sued his wife’s lover and got paid big time. He hired a private detective.
One who was fucking a married woman. Got followed by a private detective. Photos. Videos. Then lured to a place where the husband confronted him.
He was later served a subpoena to court and was sued. They went through his phone. Sexting. He fled the country to avoid the lawsuit.
This is a Global joke: marriage = no sex. It’s definitely nothing Japanese.
Yeaaaaa, the fact is that this is probably linked more to the toxic work culture, low salary, and extreme patriarchal values of men/women within marriages here, and these kind of things can all contribute to hamstringing romanticism. Cheating and sexlessness is just a byproduct of unhealthy understandings of communication and relationship dynamics.
It shouldn’t be treated as a fact. But I think there are common things that might make it appear more common:
The traditional salaryman who gets transferred to Tokyo and sees his family twice a month; these relationships are probably very practical only and lose their romance, not to mention giving lots of chances for infidelity.
And I think there’s an old machismo way of life that some Japanese men still have which involves not going home, going out with coworkers and cheating on their wives.
The foreigner who never learns Japanese: I think in these kinds of relationships the husband expects the wife to take care of so much it probably also really takes the romance out of it.
So if you talk to these kinds of people I think you’ll hear that they don’t have sex with their wives.
Not in my experience.
Have been married to a Japanese woman for 28 years.
Japanese women are cheating on their husbands after child birth.
Reddit: it’s the husbands fault.
Certified Reddit moment
That is all I hear from my friends married to Koreans as well…which probably explains why Korea has so much prostitution and wives just look the other way.
Just want to throw it out there but it’s also extremely normal for Japanese husbands to stop having sex regularly after a few years too. Has happened to many of my friends.
Over 60, Japanese wife over 50, no kids. Both of us work 6 days a week. We still enjoy sex a couple times a week.
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It’s a common thing from what I’ve heard. But also, if you ever check out dating apps and sites here (especially DTF ones) they are full of married women looking for discreet affairs 🤷♂️
Only with their husbands.
I’ll go with “depends on the person and it’s probably worldwide and not limited to Japan”. I don’t think it’s any different here. You’ll probably have ups and downs. If there are issues, then communication is key, which I think people generally don’t do for whatever reason.
It happens globally. If it sucks why would they want more?
That’s the culture. You could blame the women, but mostly the men. Because if your wife exists just to provide children, how do you expect them to react?
If you look at [https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/) this is not a Japan only phenomenon and while it is more often women whose libido is lower, it is an issue that exists everywhere, regardless of nation, culture, race or sex/gender.
There are a lot of reasons:
* Mismatched libidos, trying to keep up with your partner initially to keep them, once married, revert to what is their preference
* Magic wears off, initially sex is exciting and new, over time it could become stale or boring, especially if one or partner doesn’t communicate or put the effort in
* btw, long term relationships need effort, you get what you put in
* Stress/tired, this is a big one, when you barely have downtime you just want to collapse and zone out, you just don’t have the energy, because sex is a lot more work/effort than masturbation
* fyi, just one day or a week off doesn’t fix this, like burnout, stress/tiredness needs to be reduced for a reasonably long period like a month to reset the body and it shouldn’t just be temporary otherwise a person can end just using the month with reduced stress to horde downtime in preparation of all the stress returning.
* Children/childbirth/breastfeeding, the whole thing tends to be a massive bundle of stress, tiredness, hormones, healing, etc
Those are just some of them, there are lots of reasons.
I’ve heard that a lot from my coworkers… but have never experienced it myself. Currently married to a Japanese woman, we’ve been together for several years. We have a young child and we are as active as ever. I think it takes work, especially with children in the mix… need to proactively make an effort.
When it’s considered “normal” for the child to sleep between its parents on the futon for the first 6 years of its life, it’s very hard to have an adult sex life, and to continue seeing each other as romantic partners and not just coparents.
Both halves of the couple need to keep prioritising and making time/opportunity for romance.
I’m married to a Japanese man, and we clarified a lot of these expectations early in our relationship.
It is after birth thing. Priority shifts to child, still most couples have sex albeit declined frequency
Married 12 years, 2 kids. We still root like rabbits, and we both work full-time.
Yep… I hear and see this alllllll the timeeee…
And here I am, left heart broken once again finding out that I was just an 都合のいい女. the guy I was seeing is engaged, married etc etc 😮💨
Carrying the mental load of a family and household is not sexy to most women. Especially if they work outside the home, bottom line most household tasks and childcare, it is pretty easy to resent the husband for not contributing or at least to not want to accommodate him any more than they already are. A lot of Japanese men grew up with dads who didn’t lift a finger at home, and are calculating how to share tasks when a lot of mothers work outside the home as well.
I’m foreigners my wife is Japanese married for 14 years 3 kids but still have sex regularly. So it really depends on the person
It’s not only the Japanese women, Japanese men too
I wonder how many people here commenting are middle aged women.
Yes, this is common globally. It has a lot to do with division of labor and childcare and the focus turning to taking care of the kids. The higher the mental load, the lower the libido, studies have shown. But also very very common with young kids in the house.
Make Friday nights date night in the bedroom, kid(s) in another room, big TV, sexy lingerie, bit of alcohol and a hanime.tv with premium membership. Obviously showered and shaved beforehand.
…is how we do it, figure something out.
Prefacing this with saying it depends on the person!
But I’ve talked about this with my Japanese friends. A lot of women will say things like “once I’m a mother I don’t see him as sexy anymore” or they’re “not interested in silly sex anymore”.
It’s just my theory, but you know how Japanese people love to have an assigned role? Being from a collectivist society and all, and growing up with roles reinforced. I think married life and motherhood are another example of roles. Once a woman becomes a “mama”, they leave their wild carnal younger years behind and “grow up” beyond needing sex. (Actually I don’t believe women really don’t want sex, but that’s the role.) In the west we tend to value the individual’s satisfaction over the group or their role. (Again, this is very broadly generalized.)
These roles are also influenced by gender norms and the belief that women wanting sex = wild.
I don’t personally have experience with this, but I’ve always thought co-sleeping with kids to be part of it too. On one hand I see the value in it for the child and why they think it’s cold or us to our little kids in their own lonely room. However, my American brain thinks it’s very important for couples to maintain intimacy as a staple of their relationship, even if it’s just cuddling at night.
It’s true, me and my wife were getting it on regularly til we had our first child, then we did it once and second child was born then haven’t done it since (4 years now). Thing is it’s pretty impossible to get anything started as I sleep on one end of the bed and she sleeps on the other with two kids in the middle. What age do kids in Japan start sleeping in their own room? No idea.
So I hear.
Once the baby comes.
She moves the baby in the bedroom and you get… well wherever. As long as you keep bringing home the bacon you’ll not be completely discarded.
The big difference in my view is the co-sleeping. Back home, most people will have a room for the baby and start using it within a few months, and also when the baby can sleep through the night will aim for an early bed time.
People I know here are much slower to reclaim their lives back. The kid is in the room for years, bedtimes seem to be quite late and people don’t seem to be aware of maintaining what they had before as much.
Personally speaking we just went through a long dry patch and hopefully are through the other side, six months or so. This wasn’t really anyone’s fault, the baby kept getting sick, us too and some other things going on. It’s pretty difficult, and I think alot of resentment and stress can build up. Some nights I was thinking “well if this is how its going to be, I might have to start looking for alternatives”.
Its quite a lot of work doing all this and I can easily see how breakdowns happen if you aren’t actively working at it. And, might be wrong but a lot of people here are not great at communicating their needs.
It’s amazing that you can be seriously sued for adultery in Japan. In one of the most adulterous countries in the world.
There is a whole cottage industry of private detectives that can be hired to catch infidelity.
Then cheating half’s partner can be sued. For big bucks. They also will likely lose their job as their company will be notified by the detective or civil court. The shame.
Messy.
I’ve seen two foreigners get caught up in it.
One who sued his wife’s lover and got paid big time. He hired a private detective.
One who was fucking a married woman. Got followed by a private detective. Photos. Videos. Then lured to a place where the husband confronted him.
He was later served a subpoena to court and was sued. They went through his phone. Sexting. He fled the country to avoid the lawsuit.
This is a Global joke: marriage = no sex. It’s definitely nothing Japanese.
Yeaaaaa, the fact is that this is probably linked more to the toxic work culture, low salary, and extreme patriarchal values of men/women within marriages here, and these kind of things can all contribute to hamstringing romanticism. Cheating and sexlessness is just a byproduct of unhealthy understandings of communication and relationship dynamics.
It shouldn’t be treated as a fact. But I think there are common things that might make it appear more common:
The traditional salaryman who gets transferred to Tokyo and sees his family twice a month; these relationships are probably very practical only and lose their romance, not to mention giving lots of chances for infidelity.
And I think there’s an old machismo way of life that some Japanese men still have which involves not going home, going out with coworkers and cheating on their wives.
The foreigner who never learns Japanese: I think in these kinds of relationships the husband expects the wife to take care of so much it probably also really takes the romance out of it.
So if you talk to these kinds of people I think you’ll hear that they don’t have sex with their wives.
Not in my experience.
Have been married to a Japanese woman for 28 years.
Japanese women are cheating on their husbands after child birth.
Reddit: it’s the husbands fault.
Certified Reddit moment
That is all I hear from my friends married to Koreans as well…which probably explains why Korea has so much prostitution and wives just look the other way.
Just want to throw it out there but it’s also extremely normal for Japanese husbands to stop having sex regularly after a few years too. Has happened to many of my friends.
Over 60, Japanese wife over 50, no kids. Both of us work 6 days a week. We still enjoy sex a couple times a week.