I’m planning to put a Japanese sentence as part of something I’m making, and I don’t want it to sound unnatural or artificial. It is originally from the lyrics of a song called 봄의 나라 이야기 (春の国の物語), and I translated it myself. Here’s what I have right now.
春の国に住むその少女は
氷の国のすてきな少年を見ました
冬の国のきれいな彼女のそばで
いつも笑顔でいるその姿を
The first part I’m wondering is whether 住む or 住んでいる fits better in the context. Both probably makes sense, but what would you consider a smoother read?
I had many thoughts about the 笑顔でいる part. I have some other options to choose from.
* 笑う／笑っている
* ほほえむ／ほほえんでいる
* 喜ぶ／喜んでいる
* 嬉しそうな
The direct translation from original phrase 웃고 있는 is 笑っている.
What do you think reads best in that context? I know the choice could be subjective, but I still want to know people’s opinion. And again I’m wondering whether the basic form of the verb or the ている form fits better here as both forms are possible to be used in something いつも happening.
What else could be fixed to make it better?
