Looking for divorced fathers [serious]

13 comments

1. No idea but all the best to you mate

2. If you were wondering how a divorced father can see his kids.

   Best case is if you can remain amicable with your ex wife and work out visitation mutually.

   If that fails, then you would have to file for visitation mediation. Visitation mediation, they would have mediators talk to you and your wife to try to negotiate a visitation plan.

   If that completely fails, i.e. Ex wife absolutely refuses to cooperate, then the visitation case will go into adjudication, where the judge will decide on a visitation plan.

   What kind of a visitation plan that a judge will order varies case by case but generally a bare minimum of 1 full day per month will be granted. If the non custodial parent has a good track record, maybe an additional half day will also be granted.

   Also note that any visitation agreement is a civil matter. Meaning if ex wife breaks the visitation agreement, worst case she pays a fine and has money forcibly removed from her bank.

3. Why not start a Meetup group for divorced fathers?

4. I’m here.

   Still have visiting rights

5. Might be a place to use as a reference point:

   https://crwj.org/

6. > while keeping their visiting rights.

   There is no such thing as visiting **rights** under current Japanese law. It’s more like visiting *permission* from the custodial parent. If you have a good relationship with your ex, you will probably be able to see your kids. If not, probably not.

7. Can’t help but just want to wish you all the best.

8. I know you said you don’t use FB, but there’s a group there that’s pretty helpful.

9. Hope you can keep seeing your kid(s).

10. Same, but chill w/ the former.

11. good luck and wish you the best.

12. Are you already divorced? If not then go to the local ward office and get one of those ‘I don’t consent to divorce’ forms (‘fujuri todoke’?).

    You can then start with this when you discuss post-divorce access (‘I’ll give you a divorce if we can agree access).

    Other than that, as others have said, keeping a good relationship as much as you can is the best way. Agree to a generous monthly support plan. Don’t move far away. Point out the value of the kids having an advantage in English at school / exams times, and extra money from grandparents etc., as well as the embarrassment / bullying risk of having half kids that don’t speak English. Also risk kids will deeply resent mother for denying a relationship with father over time.

    Obviously these things are unpleasantly practical, and hopefully you won’t need to go down that path. I’ve been divorced for 12 years now but have managed to keep a pretty good / cooperative relationship with my ex, and good access to my daughter. It is possible but it takes patience / understanding / recognition of shortcomings on both sides.

13. There is a group for divorced or still -married foreign mothers who of course face the exact same issues. But I’m not sure they let fathers in the group. You could atwrt your own?