Lately, there’s been an escalation with my son’s teacher, and I’m wondering if the issue lies with him or if the teacher played a role. My son’s behavior had been challenging, and we suspected ADHD. We went through government checks and opted for a special needs facility after many negative comments from the teacher and several meetings regarding his behavior getting more and more problematic. The teacher also wrote persistently she had a hard time dealing with LO on Saturdays due to the short staff. It was kind of understandable and I stopped getting contracts on Saturdays to take some weight off their shoulders.
Now, my son goes to kindergarten 4 days a week, he never had such issues the previous year and it makes me question whether the teacher had some kind of negative impressions of him and mishandled the situation leading him to act up. I had a cancelation once and went earlier to pick him up. The time the teachers noticed I was there, I saw that my son was isolated from his friends, playing in an empty section by himself in the baby classroom. I had to ask why was he playing by himself with no one even giving him a one second glance? They answered that he was too excited and the teacher couldn’t deal with him. I said “I see…” but I felt it was a little bit too much…. The day after, he was playing in the same class as his friends and in a week could see an impressive improvement with the communication, his way to play with friends and his relationship with his classmates. He also looks much happier than before.
I also received a letter with an early pick-up time, adding to my concerns. The situation is leaving me perplexed.
I tried to keep it short and easy to understand but I’ll answer any questions to add more context in the comments if needed!
Thank you for reading me! I don’t have anybody able to relate to my situation and give me good advices (I have people from my home country but they don’t know the culture context so…).
8 comments
I have no advice, but I really want to say that I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like a really uncomfortable situation. Hang in there. Hopefully this can be solved.
Your poor little boy. Reading about him playing alone and isolated made me so sad for him and you, that must have been heartbreaking to see. This doesn’t sound like a good environment for him. It’s a cliche but as a parent you know your kid best. I wouldn’t base ADHD purely on the accounts of one teacher that sounds burnt out and not very professional. I would find him another place asap and see from there.
I’m sorry. That’s a tough situation.
Questions – 1) what do you think wrt your son’s behavior? Based on what you see at home and with friends does it work well? Need a bit of supervision? 2) Is your Japanese at a level where you can have a productive communication with the teacher? Is it just one teacher, because at the place my son attended it was always 2 teachers per class?
I think it is possible that there is a bit of behavior mixed with a bit of teacher discomfort. In our houikuen, we had probably 5 teachers over the years. They all loved our son. But one specifically called out his language skills and started saying he wasn’t quite fitting in. It wasn’t to the point you have described; she just quite specifically suggested we do something about it. It was a bit uncomfortable. Because of the 2 teacher system, there was a younger 2nd teacher in the discussion and she was horrified. Later the head teacher spoke with us to ease the situation.
Having said that, the old teacher wasn’t totally off either if I am really being objective. Our son did need to work a bit on his J-language skills especially in his first year of elementary.
Hey, first of all this sucks, I’m sorry you and your kid are going through it. Secondly – if you feel something isn’t right, truuust that instinct.
Based on the info provided about your kid, I can’t tell you much, but my friend has ADD and suspects her kid has it too. Her kid goes to a “regular” kindergarten, and in the same class there is apparently also a kid with Down’s syndrome who is adorable, but definitely a handful. My point being, if you think that your kid can integrate in a regular kindergarten class, it’s worth a shot. If your kid is really underdeveloped or born in March and is a whole year younger than some of the other kids, I’d be curious to see if they could fit better in to a younger group.
Talk to the kindergarten director about your concerns. Sometimes one rotten teacher spoils the whole experience. Or if they truly are overwhelmed, I would definitely start researching if you have any better options around you.
Best of luck, and do _not_ be afraid to be the crazy mom when advocating for your kid. It’s worth it.
Also, if I ask for a transfer, since I’ve been complying to all the teacher’s letter and complains will it be a problem? Should I contact my embassy or something?
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I myself am looking for a kindergarten for my kid.
It may not be a good advice but trust your gut. And with schools the thing is, the relationship is built on trust. If you started to doubt they, it’s time to move.
One thing to notice though, the shortage of staff is a real thing and wherever I go I’m told the same thing.
This is just anecdotal advice, but when my son was young we took him to the park nearly every day. He loves to run and move his body and we also suspect he has some sort of ADHD (He has trouble focusing in general with streaks of pure focus where he ignores all warnings)
The first place we sent him to was a pretty expensive daycare where there were kids of all ages. He did not have any issues (except for hitting his head a couple of times), but then again they did not need to follow a pattern like Youchien.
We since moved and when looking for a Youchien, we had several options. One option, however during the trial class told us they would call us if our son could not be handled. We did not choose that one. In the end we went to a kindergarten with focus on sports (gymnastics). He seems to be doing fine ( not to say he does not have other issues like all kids). We do have the advantage of not having any issues with Japanese.
If a teacher cannot handle the kid, it is neither good for the teacher nor the kid to continue like that.
I used to teach kids aged 3 to 12 all over Japan. I get that no two kids are the same. I also totally understand that some kids have much higher energy levels than others and can be VERY hard to teach or reign in.
But I’ve been around the country and have seen shit teachers. Absolute DOG SHIT human beings that would rather put in bare minimum effort instead of growing or connecting with those rough kids.
I’d put my money on teacher being shit.
Your child deserves the time of day, ample effort and understanding to cater activities which may motivate your child to actually join and be easier to control, and even be given the chance to lead or inspire rheir friends.