How well does it work to use conditions as leverage for divorce?
For example, if my partner wants to divorce me and is seeking full custody of the kids, I want to say, I will only agree to divorce and giving up custody if I get visitation 3 days a month for 8 hours each time. How well does this work and how would it play out if it really went to court?
I heard an issue with people divorcing without getting visitation set up is that once a couple is divorced, the custodial parent has no legal obligation to accept the non custodial parents request for visitation. Even if the non custodial parent went to visitation court the judge would only grant them like a bare minimum 1 day a month visitation after waiting like a year.
5 comments
There is no joint custody in Japan. The person with physical custody of the children at the time of divorce gets the children 99% of the times unless they’re the father.
Custody agreements between divorcing parties are unenforceable and essentially meaningless. Your partner can simply agree then ignore the agreement.
Your only hope or having access to your children post divorce is to repair the relationship during the divorce process and to maintain a non-combative and good relationship with them post divorce.
Using your kids as bargaining chips is reprehensible, regardless of which one of you is doing it.
Don’t. Just, don’t.
You are adults. Swallow your pride and work on a solution that is in the best interest of the kids. They did not ask for this divorce and the ONLY consideration should be what is in their best interests (and unless there’s a risk of abuse or harm, their best interests include both parents being in their lives)
THE PROBLEM
In any case, even if you get visitation, when you step on her property, she can call the police, and they can arrest you for trespassing. Police can’t enforce custody orders. If your kids have cell phones or email, they will be changed. Hug your kids goodbye.
POTENTIAL SOLUTION
The only possible way is if you agree or are ordered to pay maintenance, go with cash on the last day of the month, timed to see your kids, and do the same if you owe alimony. Get a receipt each time. But if she doesn’t need the cash or decides it’s not worth it, you are again out of luck.
ADVICE
Be sure to get a lawyer, sign the “statement of refusal to get a divorce” (not sure of the form’s name), and go through the mediation, which will usually fail. Then it goes to family court, and your lawyer will have had time to prepare.
I wonder if this will happen soon enough for you:
https://japantoday.com/category/national/japan-gov%27t-panel-proposes-introducing-joint-custody-after-divorce
The only way it works is if they need your money, and even that is precarious.
You make an agreement, you pay the money every month and you get the visitation. But if at any point they decide they don’t need your cash anymore, they can just disappear.
There’s no way to enforce the visitation if that happens. You can try family court but again, if they don’t need your money then they just won’t listen/won’t turn up to court.