Most other posts on this topic are now locked, so I apologise on making yet another Bumble post.
Weeks of constantly swiping and yet nearly 0 matches, curious on what I should be doing. I’m verified and filled everything and all that. Other posts mention numbers like 20-50 matches per day (I thought not getting any matches for weeks and months must be normal, seeing those numbers is a wake up call), I’m not even looking for that any more, just how to at least be given a chance by the ladies. I apologise and I’ll delete the post and be out of everyone’s hair if this sort of posting is discouraged here, thanks!
With regards to language, I can manage casual conversation in Japanese and upto some elementary Kanji.
12 comments
Rules 1 and 2 apply here
Language ability doesn’t help you gain matches. Dating apps are really simple.
* Guy = Reddit’s Rule 1 and 2 of dating
* Girl = As long as you’re not obese and hideously ugly, you will get matches.
Even an average woman can get hundreds of matches in a few weeks. This is cos the swiping methods differ whereas women pick and choose, while men usually perma swipe right. Then men choose who to message after the match is created. Also from my experience and those of my friends, Bumble is better for good looking white dudes. As an East Asian, I had much better results on Tinder and Meeff. Think I had a collective 5000+ matches on Tinder after using it for 2 years.
It seems that you’re an Indian. Unfortunately, you won’t find any matches. Unless it’s a woman in her 50s, but even that is rare.
Rule 1 and 2 applies. That’s all. No one will look at your profile and say: “oh he looks kind and sweet”.
Get hench? All of the successful serial dating Indian guys I’ve met here have been pretty beefy.
Yes, being attractive is the main driver for being successful on dating apps. So if you’re not attractive, you need to make it seem like you are through your profile.
Photos should be good quality, your best angle, best haircut, best clothing, etc. even though dating apps are a bit different here, having a good profile is going to help regardless. Here’s a tip for photos, instead of taking obviously posed pictures, take photos of you doing things. Selfie vs. happening to smile at the camera while sitting down at a cafe in nice lighting lol. As for your bio, avoid turning it into a resume and try to keep it casual, flirty, and short.
But also, bumble is kinda crappy. The whole incentive is for girls to message first and then they’ll either say “hey” or not even message at all. The girls that actually have something to say, bless their souls. I remember encountering a girl that’s bio was “I enjoy bullying men”. She seemed like the type to want a real manly man to “put her in her place” god what a headache lol. Honestly, meeting people in person in easier imo. But, idk how to “nanpa” without looking like a desperate creep in Japan playing a numbers game. My buddy on the other hand has success but damn, I saw him do it in-person and it was so uncomfortable to watch lmao.
Tips:
1. Try all the apps. People naturally filter to different apps, even when the product experience is effectively identical. Your crowd may just be on a different app.
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2. We get it, you’re Indian and not tall. Don’t get caught up on it, and don’t buy into the “you’ve gotta be a tall white dude” nonsense. I don’t buy it as a matter of fact; people have diverse preferences, including in Japan (and the number one preference here is definitely “nice Japanese boy” anyway).
“50 matches a day” guy is lying to you. That’s not a thing.
But even if for whatever reason you think it’s a fact that you’re at a phenotypic disadvantage compared to some other people, thinking that cannot help you in any way. It can only become a toxic brainworm that will make you weird on the dates you do get. That’s the path to crazy incel nonsense. Just be a person. Wear a nice shirt and decent shoes, smell good, give a tactful compliment, show earnest interest but don’t be desperate, and you’ll be fine.
*Edit: Oh yeah, this all reminds me, the undisputed king of the dating world in my circles, which are full of affluent Westerners? An average-looking Indian guy who spent a year or two mastering Latin dance.*
3. Sanity check your profile with some friends. Are those really your best photos? Did you try to make a joke on the text that just doesn’t work?
4. Invest in Japanese. Plenty of Japanese girls are curious about foreigners, but super afraid of looking foolish in English, even if they studied it for years in school.
5. Join activities. Running groups, hiking groups, cooking class, dance class, whatever. Go to things. Someone who’s seen you at a couple events before will be much less worried that you’re a weirdo, and you’ll have something to make small talk about.
Two of my male Indian friends absolutely kill it here in dating. Not impossible
Stop dating apps and go out there in the real world and meet people. You can actually use your personality.
I’ve been using paid bumble for a little over two years. Got only 3 offline dates.
If you’re just an overage Joe, chances are pretty slim. Anyway, dating apps are a massive scam with the only purpose of milking that subscription money out you. You might wanna try Meetup app and start from there.
p.s: I’m white
https://preview.redd.it/y2jqqgus5amb1.jpeg?width=224&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=230920b20181235d2ed92b62e9cc72d996e92f8d
If you don’t have similar looks from Xavier then there’s no chance for you, mate.
/s
I have two Indian friends who have a lot of success with women on online dating:
One is a delicate guy, very calm and really smooth talker. Amazing photographer as well and I know the girls are usually impressed by his artistic photos.
The other is rich AF and a really good salsa dancer. He is always dating eastern European girls as much as 20cm taller than himself. I’ve seen him rejecting a Japanese girl in a club because she was “too short” (she was taller than him).
bro as a fellow south Asian living here for 5 years and have a full time job,can speak Japanese fluent-ish. dating apps mostly doesn’t work for us 😅 that’s just the truth. I’ve found one friend so far that’s it. try approaching people in pubs/ bars if you’re in to drinking.