Oni-san and Ane-san

13 comments

1. I think it’s depends on a person. It’s like in English some people call each other “sis/sister”, “bro/brother”. But not everyone likes it.

2. This is not only a Japanese thing. In some languages, it is perfectly an ordinary thing to call someone older than you big brother/big sister or if they are way older uncle/aunt but calling someone uncle is way off-friendly than calling them big brother. I am a native speaker of one of these languages, so I completely understand this situation in Japanese since it is exactly the same as my tongue. It is a little difficult to explain this way of being friendly though because it looks completely weird in English.

   It’s a way of showing respect in an intimate way. By calling them oni-san you acknowledge that they are older than you and you show respect for this age difference. Though it just comes naturally to you, giving an example from me I never thought calling someone older than myself big brother was a necessary or important thing but you just do it out of control because that is the way of calling someone in the language. So to answer your question I don’t think you would call close friends oni-san but it is not entirely impossible, you can call someone you know very well as oni-san either. Things like the age difference, how did you meet, and the dynamics of your dialogues matter. You can also call someone that seems older than you oni-san even if you just met him. But of course, I am sure there is more respective way of calling people in Japanese, it’s not FORMAL, it is casual. You would use it for more ordinary people like the guy in the street or someone just helped you with your bike or something, or a taxi driver (I do it). For example, I call my leaseholder “his name-big brother” or just big brother if we are in a middle of a talk.

   In conclusion, it is a very natural thing to call someone older big bro and it is very difficult for it to look weird if you don’t go call a CEO oni-san or someone you already call by name.

3. I think oni-san and one-san are used to address restaurant employees and business owners in small shops. Occasionally, people call a friend’s brother or sister oni-san or one-san. Where I come from though, they’re usually used for family members. It probably depends on where in Japan you are.

   I have heard many old men enjoy being called oni-san by women.

   I thought I’d mention that in movies, Yakuza members call other male members who are older aniki which is like ni-san.

4. Ane-san sounds like some female leader of a local biker gang ngl

5. I think it would be weird to call a friend that. It’s more used for someone you look up to as if they were your older brother/sister. You’d never call someone that who’s younger than you.

6. Thank you for answers! Now I won’t feel weird if I call him that xD

7. Feel it out

8. I think it depends on the person. One of my friends really likes to be called “onee-san” by her younger friends. I’m a regular at one restaurant, and the employees call me onee-san and I like it – it feels friendly and familiar to call a regular that rather than “okyakusama”. There are some dialects of English where calling unrelated people “sister” or “brothers” in a friendly way is ok too, but then outside those dialects it would be a little strange. In a lot of East Asia using “sister” or “auntie” or “brother” or “uncle” as friendly forms of address to strangers or acquaintances is fine, and Japanese is similar. But of course some people might not like it so it might be better to ask first anyway.

9. It’s a default way to address a stranger but not a friend.

10. We have the same thing in Turkish. We call strangers who are slightly older than us abi/abla (big brother/big sister), and people who would be at the age of our parents are called amca/teyze (uncle/aunt). We don’t use these terms for our friends who are around the same age as us. We also don’t use these terms in any of the formal settings. It’s a way to show closeness and intimacy, but not friend level intimacy. It’s all the same for Japanese. You can use oni/ane for people slightly older than you but not in serious business and formal settings.

11. My mom called her late cousin nii-san, and she calls his widow nee-san. She does the same with my uncle and aunties, her brother and sisters-in-law. It’s common calling an older cousin you’re close to nii-san or nee-san.

    In My dress-up darling, >!Gojo-kun calls his cousin Shiori as Shiori nee-san. !<

    In Spy X Family, Loid calls>! Handler, his boss, as onee-san in chapter 22 (but he had a reason for doing so).!<

    When it comes to close friends that are older than you, I think it depends on the person, if he/she is kind of a mentor.

12. For context:
    兄(あに) = My Older brother
    お兄さん(おにいさん) = Someone else’s older brother

    姉(あね) = My Older sister
    お姉さん(おねえさん) = Someone else’s older sister

13. some people prefer kanji 姐 not 姉 for ane-san in this sense.