Hello, everyone.
皆さん こんばんは。
Before I begin, some background info:
I’m a 21 year old Japanese/American. I spent most of my life in the States, save for a couple years of primary school in Japan and family visits every few years or so. My mother is in her late 50s, her mother being in her late 80s.
My paternal grandmother recently passed away. Among all the sadness and tears, I only began to worry about how difficult it would be to go through loss on my mother’s side of the family. Sure, if my maternal grandmother were to pass away it wouldn’t be impossible to fly out and attend her funeral in Japan, but if my mother were to go soon after, I’d be shit out of luck.
No one would be alive left to inherit the house my grandfather designed/built and would be torn down to make way for a convenience store parking lot. Making funeral arrangements for my mother would be extremely challenging with my limited Japanese and overall inexperience. Worst of all, their family name would end right there.
I love my mother dearly, but I feel as if I’m limited in the things I can do.
If anyone has experience in dealing with things like this as half Japanese people, I’d love to hear your thoughts and advice.
Thank you.
https://www.reddit.com/r/japan/comments/16c4l4s/any_advice_for_a_japaneseamerican_preparing_for/
5 comments
What are you looking for exactly? Help with the will? Greaving advice? Traditional customs and Spiritual advice?
Well these are things that everyone will deal with. You’re only 21 and your mother is in her 50s. I’m sure when the time comes you will be more prepared/older/more knowledgeable.
Sounds like your mother will inherit the house, and then you would inherit the house after that. Of course this is assuming everyone can pay taxes without having to sell it.
My grandfather’s house was beautiful but after he passed away the land had to be sold to pay the inheritance tax, plus none of the children wanted to live there. It’s now converted into four small houses
You should have this discussion with your mother while you can. There is never a good time to discuss funeral arrangements, but the worst time to worry about it is after they are deceased. From a legal perspective unlike the US, Japan has a civil code where those without a will can have their respective next of kin automatically take a certain percentage without trial. That is assuming of course the next of kin are listed on the Koseki. I don’t know about your family structure, but your mother’s spouse is usually the next of kin, followed by their children, brothers/sisters, etc. If your name is not listed on the Koseki, then it is best to have your mother seek legal help to have a will sealed by a family court drafted to have you listed.
Beyond that, funeral arrangements at the end of the day are whatever the surviving family decide is good for the deceased. People might wish to have a closed funeral while others might have certain religious preferences. In Japan unless people have specific pre-planned preferences, everyone is cremated under law.
You might also need to decide in the future whether you are prepared to leave your job in the US to visit your grandmother or mother. That is for you to decide. After that, you can decide whether you can afford to hire a long-term house sitter service or just sell the residence in Japan. There is no right option here, but not having Japanese citizenship while owning property is probably a challenge to maintain.
It sounds like this recent loss has frightened you, and made you worry unnecessarily about losing a connection to the Japanese side of your identity.
You are very young, your mom is very young, and without any underlying health concerns I’m sure your grandmother will live many more years. Don’t get so caught up on death when there is SO much life for you to be living.
I recommend making a trip back to Japan. Visit your grandparents, and take time to reconnect with your Japanese identity. I think that if you feel more secure in your identity then you won’t be so scared of loss.
>Making funeral arrangements for my mother would be extremely challenging with my limited Japanese and overall inexperience.
Maybe talk to your mum about your fears and have her make a plan at a funeral home. Then she can have everything exactly as she wants it and you won’t have to worry about it. It’s called お葬式の生前予約.
>Worst of all, their family name would end right there.
First of all, is the name really that rare? Second of all, even if your mother doesn’t die, the family name is not being carried on.