Can you force a fling to pay child support + back pay?

At a recent get together, this cousin-in-law shows up with her two children. A boy aged 12, and a girl aged 8. She’s never wed, and both kids have different foreign fathers from different countries. Basically, it’s a mess that resulted from her panic from a quack doctor telling her she may not be able to have children in the future. (when she was in her 20’s) Now life is real and while she has stable income, she’s trying to get child support that she’s never previously received. I got the whole story and pleas for help from her and the aunt, so here I am trying to be helpful…..

Father of the boy found out he was a “father” after the kid was born. Was a short fling, they never married, lived together, and he is not listed on the birth certificate. She intentionally got pregnant and didn’t want the guy around. He has only seen the boy a few times over the years as a “family friend.” Apparently, when the boy was born, the cousin told the guy the boy was 100% hers and she wanted to raise him with total control and no interference. She promised she wouldn’t ask for any sort of support so long as he didn’t make any demands or attempt to steal the boy back to his country. He agreed and it seemed drama free until recently.

Father of the girl played “father” for both of the kids for several years. Lived together but refused to actually marry the cousin because he “couldn’t marry a single mother.” (Ugh, trying so hard not to pass judgement on either of them) She eventually caught him cheating and found he had knocked up another woman. She kicked him out when he deflected and started attacking her by telling the boy he wasn’t his real father. (real piece of work, eh?) He scurried back to his home country with his new baby momma (wife?) though he does send gifts from time to time. Seems like a lost cause and she isn’t pursuing anything with this guy.

Apparently late last year the father of the boy became engaged. He wanted to stick to the “family friend” arrangement but the cousin pushed him to lay it all out to his new spouse-to-be and get her blessing and input. Unfortunately, the input was that he completely cut ties with the cousin and the boy. He did so and this enraged the cousin. Now she has hired an attorney to seek child support of 66K monthly + 9.9million JPY back pay for all the years of unpaid support. They couldn’t find his salary so this seems like a pretty high estimate. They also didn’t find his address so they sent him a letter at his employer. She asked me to talk with the guy and that happened today. He was upset his work got the letter…but amazingly open about his situation with me. I saw his pay stubs and tax receipts…his pay is extremely low (2.4million JPY annually), his new wife is not working, and they have a 2mo baby to support. Moving in with the wife’s family seems likely. He is upset and confused why the cousin is “suddenly” demanding child support when he respected her wishes and had previously agreed to not take child support from him. He claims she “didn’t want him around, then did, then didn’t, and now this.” Looking at what he makes, I can’t imagine he can afford to pay for his new family, let alone child support. Seems like he looking for new work but he is also considering moving his new family back to his home country where prospects are better.

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Of course I will present what I found to my cousin-in-law tomorrow….but my concern is she is going to waste a load of money on the attorney, pursuing this. This young attorney she hired seemed a little too confident of herself, overselling what’s possible, and we know ultimately she gets paid regardless of the outcome. At the very least, I want to push her to get a second opinion.

I don’t want to discourage the cousin if her pursuit will result in something meaningful but from my untrained perspective, it seems like a massive undertaking with very little potential payoff. I don’t think they guy intends to respond to her attorney, pointing out he was not listed on the birth certificate and never confirmed paternity (ninchi) Can’t imagine any court will step in to mediate without that. (Can they force a DNA test for that? More time, money?) Ultimately, I have a feeling the guy will simply skip back to his country and be in the same untouchable boat as the father of the girl. I suppose a civil judgement against either of them here might make life difficult if they ever want to return to Japan but is back pay on child support even a common outcome with the courts here? Is that even possible to pursue a case like this with the guy out of the country? Any advice or suggestions is appreciated.