Happy Sunday.
I noticed a good percentage of you, and this is not talking about Reddit specifically but more like the foreigners I’ve encountered in Japan and most conversations I’ve had over the past decade.
I’ve noticed that some of you make an intense amount of effort to not upset, offend, or say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing in front of a Japanese person with whom you would like to be friends with and it’s almost like you need to earn their friendship sooo badly in order to gain access to their world. As if you’re trying to get into some kind of VIP club. And in turn, I’ve seen repeated conversations where regardless of how you tippy towed around them, you still haven’t gained their “true” friendship. I feel like some of you are so excited to get bread crumbs. They throw a bone at you and you run. Do you really think that’s necessary?
You wouldn’t do this in any other country so why do you feel the need to be so careful here? Isn’t it exhausting? I know that other foreigners love to shame other foreigners by saying that the only the reason why they can’t form friendships is because of lack of language ability but that may not entirely be the case. Plenty of people here have said they’re fluent, have studied here, have lived here for over 20 years and have built a family here and are working in a Japanese company and still have the same issue. And anytime you see that as a response, the expat will then say “Oh you underestimate your Japanese ability.”
4 comments
Maybe my first year was like that. By year 4 I stopped caring.
Also it isn’t just foreigners in Japan. A lot of new grads in Japanese companies are always extremely cautious about not offending foreigners that frequently visit for business trips in the gaishikeis I worked at. I literally tell them to just relax, nobody in the US cares about title, extra politeness, etc. You can totally speak to them as if they were your friends.
I haven’t encountered this issue. If anything I’m a bit careful because I heard too many stories about gaijin hunters/ people using foreigners to show off and look cool/ use them as free English teachers. This careful approach worked for me and has resulted in some genuine friendships with Japanese people. I have made the mistake of bending over backwards to befriend another foreigner and I realized this person was just a bit shallow and because they had lived here longer then me, they already had a group of friends they were close with, I wasn’t much of an addition to their already busy social life. I would advise anyone to keep a bit of distance, not try to hard, but be pleasant to be around and helpful and people who genuinely like you will put in the effort regardless of nationality.
I used to go in on them too but then I just thought that it’s mostly younger people who are probably socially awkward and don’t have many friends back in their home country.
A lot of them probably watched one too many of those annoying videos on YouTube like “top 10 things Japanese people HATE. How to be a model foreigner
1. DON’T eat whilst walking.
2. DON’T hold a dates hand till the 3.5th date”
Etc etc
So they’ve already come here with that tip toey mentality and then meet that one asshole who notices it and puts them through the wringer.
It’s always a certain ‘type’ of foreigner who’s has this issue. Won’t say who.
Me and my friend used to joke that we should run ‘how to be assertive’ seminars in Japan for foreigners. Seems legitimately viable tbh
Lol some people here seem to hold Japanese people up on some high pedestal. I’m not sure if it’s because they’re from disadvantaged countries or what. Just live your life and be happy. Japanese are like us. They want a good time, like to drink, like money, and hate going to work as much as you.