I was invited to a attend a ceremony in church where a couple will exchange vows (couple is a European girl and Japanese guy). There will be a family dinner afterwards to which I am not invited (it will be only a close family circle, maybe 6 people overall). What kind of present should I bring? I know that it is customary to give 30000-50000 JPY in an envelope, but it seems a bit racy considering I’m only invited to see 15 minutes of exchanging vows and go away. What do you think? What would be an appropriate gift to the couple?
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Is it really only such a short service? Nothing else?
IME, the services usually a meal, drinks, etc. Is this really only the service itself?
If so, then something like 5000 should be more than enough. The 30,000 is supposed to help cover the cost of the celebration rather than being a straight up ‘gift’. So if they’re not doing a full event (90 minutes+), you don’t need to make a full contribution.
What it your relation to said couple? If you are someone from work who is there for obligatory purposes 20000 is fine. Even 10000 is acceptable if you’re a student. But if you know either the bride or groom personally 30000 is the social norm. Then 50000 if your are really good friends or a close family member. 40000 is skipped because of “4”.
Usually you get some of it back as there will be gifts on the way out and I sort of doubt it would be just 15 minutes.
We just had our wedding in Tokyo in March. Due to Corona we had to limit our guest number for the reception. So naturally we invited a few more only to the church. We did not expect anything from them, as you normally only give the wedding money envelops to the reception and there are no costs for additional people in the church. Some still gifted a little bit little like 5.000 to 15.000. Even just a card was okay.
It was only the reception for which minimum inofficial gift is starting at 30.000 per person.
Tbh it usually says on the invite how much you should pay? If it doesn’t, just make sure to give an odd number of bills and make sure they’re crisp new ones from the bank. 30,000 is common even if you don’t know the couple that well. Tbh, plenty of people hate being invited to weddings specifically because it’s really expensive lol.
How close are you? If that person is a good friend then 30,000 is the standard. If not, cancel or just give less
I know it might be awkward, but why not consulting with the couple? This way you know what they expect, and I don’t think it’s rude for you to ask. Specially in this circumstance where you only attend the church ceremony.
I’d not attend if it’s 15 minutes. And don’t be dumb enough to bring more than man yen if you go.
my only advice is… Japanese weddings are boring as fuck, there is no fun open bar, no walking around talking to new people, no dancing drunk
Last time I went to a wedding like this, we all (friends of the couple, mostly Japanese) brought 2,000 yen. It was a perfectly acceptable amount. And no fancy gift envelope, just a nice normal one. The couple wasn’t expecting anything at all since there was no reception.
*Editing since someone doesn’t think Japanese people know what’s appropriate in a Japanese wedding… (I thought that’s what this thread was about?)
Next time I saw the newlyweds they thanked me for the gift and said it was absolutely not necessary, they weren’t expecting anything since there was no reception. And apparently some people didn’t bring anything. Our group of friends all brought 2,000 yen, I definitely would have felt uncomfortable not bringing anything and this was what everyone had decided on individually (I checked with several people).
But if you’re unsure, you can always put 5,000 yen or ask someone. Definitely not 30,000 yen though, that’s for a full reception and would surely make them uncomfortable and feeling they need to offer you something as well.
Japanese wife says 10,000 is fine….it`s not bad luck and 30,000 is too much if there`s no dinner