My girlfriend was just followed

40 comments

1. Call Police.

2. Get into closest combini, tell the staff she is being stalked and would like to call the police.

   ~~Carrying pepper spray as a mean for violence, is the best way to spend weeks in jail~~

   Edit: Seems My info was outdated and wrong.

3. [removed]

4. Police actually take this kind of stalking fairly seriously in Japan in my experience. My wife was being followed by a random from the train to her office. He never approached her, but was clearly waiting for her to get on/off the train. She contacted station police and the next time it happened they busted him and he apparently admitted to it (police followed up with my wife). She never saw hide nor hair again.

5. You’ve got some good advice already, just wanted to say I’m sorry your girlfriend experienced this. Hope she is not too shook up and it was a one time thing.

6. This happened to me, too. What I did was start recording on my phone and warn the guy that I will be giving the police the video. He backed off quickly.

7. Just ignore and go into a konbini or other store with people in it.

   The worst thing you can do is engage with them.

8. Japanese fellas suddenly following and approaching women outside train stations like pigeons is a disgrace. You see it all too often – most of them are trying to get the girl to sign up for some dodgy bar or to get into porn, while you get some lone rangers who are desperate for a date/sh*g and then the even more deranged ones who were it not for other people, cctv etc, would probably get frisky.

9. Same thing happened to my gf 3 years ago. I bought her pepper spray and a pocket alarm. These shits in Japan can go really crazy.
   The wife of a Japanese guy I knew got murdered by a stalker few years ago. Stalkers ain’t no jokes in this country.

10. Was followed too.. Bought 3 loud alarms from Amazon and will definitely activate it next time(hopefully not) it happen again.

11. I never knew that pepper spray is illegal? I actually got one from a Japanese co-worker once. He said he got it from a military shop (whatever that means). He was worried about me and gave it to me as a gift lol I don’t have it anymore, cause I moved out once from Japan and disposed of it.

    I actually took a self defense class once with the police in my home country. They said stalkers or such go for women, who look vulnerable and insecure. They also said to listen to your instinct and be aware of your surroundings. Among few things I remember. Would take that class again in a second now! We did real life role plays and even had a test at the end. We had to walk into the dark woods and the police pretended to attack us. It was kind of scary actually. One woman screamed so loudly, that a nearby man who was walking his two dogs, Doberman, let them free to attack the guy!!

    I was followed once too and whenever I turned around, he (a salaryman in his 50s maybe?) would „hide“, but very badly. He would stand against the wall in full view lol and then suddenly I thought why do I need to run away from him? I turned around ran towards him and he jumped and ran away!! Sometimes (only in not life threatening cases) you gotta do what you gotta do!!

12. In Japan, carrying pepper spray is subject to stricter regulations and requires more legitimate reasons.

    There is a precedent case that tear gas sprays, even for self-defence purposes, fell under the Article 1(2) of the Minor Offences Act “devices that can be used to harm a person’s life or cause serious bodily harm”.

    I suggest that she report this case to the authorities first. Doing so will ensure that if she is investigated by the police, she has a legitimate reason for carrying pepper spray.

    Speaking from my friend’s experience, they were never talked directly by the stalkers. So situation may differ.

13. Must be something in the air because I was also harassed by some ojisan (who touched my arm) earlier this week. I was too startled to start recording a video (as someone suggested), but thankfully me glaring at him and staying silent was enough for him to piss off. I’d also probably start shouting swear words in my native language, at least that ought to get attention in a crowded place.

    I’ve heard people say to avoid pepper spray because it can be viewed as intentional means for violence/attack, so I could suggest a small hairspray instead. It’s not weird if you carry one (especially as a woman), and it can mess up the eyes for a while if sprayed.
    As others suggested, I’d also probably go to a crowded place or shop, nearest kouban if possible. Maybe call someone and stay on the line for moral support.
    In the past I have been stalked to my house by some rando who tried to touch me when confronted – which was fucking terrifying – but I did repeatedly tell him to go away/go home, and that there is a camera here so everything is recorded. That worked.

14. I think the OP might be looking more for a solution if the police/conbini are too far away and she needs something immediate probably?

15. It must be creep season. My gf was also recently approached by one when she was jogging at a park. Any recommendations for pocket alarms?

16. I say she should carry pepper spray. Obviously don’t use it if someone is just following you but if it turns to assault and it seems like your life/dignity is in danger then why not use it?

17. Everything everyone else has said plus, learn a martial art. Something like BJJ or Judo is great for men and women. Great for confidence, fitness and if worse comes to worst you’ll be better prepared to protect yourself.

    Why don’t you try it together?

18. I was stalked once by an older man and I agree on what most comments have been saying.

    Stay in lit streets with other passerby, get inside a store (conbini or anything open really), and head up to the closest coban as soon as you can. I would tell your closest coban that she was being followed since he might be a pervert going around the neighborhood and the police might want to increase patrols.

    Other than that, stay safe and try not to be on your phone while walking. It lets you be less aware of your surroundings.

    I hope she is okay and I’m sorry this happened to her.

19. Is she Japanese? Best call the police like everyone’s saying. Especially if the creep is literally asking her for sex

20. No advice just wanted to say I hope your girlfriend is okay and I’m sorry she had to deal with yet another fucking nutcase here.

21. I used to often get followed when I walked to and from work. One guy was even wanking as he walked (disgustingly impressive feat) in broad daylight. Best thing is just not walk. On a bike or in a car, you don’t get creeps following you. It’s disappointingly common in Autumn and Spring.

22. Pepper spray is not necessary illegal like the misinformed people here repeatedly post.

    It’s a legal grey area. If a women needs to carry it for self defense because she was previously stalked / followed / chased in that area then it could be legal.

    If they are not Japanese then probably a bad idea though. And if it harms anyone other than someone attacking you also a very bad idea.

    Entering the nearest convenience store and asking the staff to call the police is the best option, if they can get there.

23. Can your gf speak jp? calling police would be the fastest or atleast letting the emergency services know If you are away from any Koban or Better place.

    Had an incident where I saw something similar and contacted the police cause it looked super scary and few min later cops started patrolling the area.

    ​

    Edit: Most people already use Bluetooth headsets so calling for help wont stand out as much. Plus remember your streets super well to be able to convey your location easily in Japanese Also quick searching Koban along the way would do the trick too.

    Using Detours or entering a combini would be crucial too.

    Edit 2: Use your smart phones emergency feature like Location sharing too the close ones etc.

24. There was some weirdo asking in r/Japaneselanguage how to say “I want to have sex with you” and other stupid things the past few days… I wonder if it’s the same guy.

25. When I was a high school student, I got chased halfway through by multiple random guys after school. I ran like hell back to school grounds, called my dad and he took me to the nearest 交番. There, the police officer asked where the incident took place, what happened, what the guys’ faces looked like then drew some 似顔絵. Then they patroled the area for a few days and were always open to new info/sightings. I never saw them again after that.
    So I recommend leaving a trail for the police to be aware. He might be doing it to other women as well, then maybe you can pinpoint his identity.

26. A lot of people are spreading false information here. **Pepper spray is legal.** What is illegal is carrying it without 正当な理由 (justifiable reason). Your girlfriend purchasing the spray after being followed by a creep propositioning her for sex would likely be considered a justifiable reason. The law is mainly used to deter men from purchasing it “just because” or claiming it’s for self defense when they in fact may have shady purposes themselves, usually assaulting women or gang-related violence.

    Example of a justifiable reason for a man to carry pepper spray is shown in [a case](https://www.boutai.net/page/7) where a guy worked as an accountant and had to carry large amounts of cash on him, so he bought the spray to deter thugs that might threaten him.

    If it came down to your girlfriend having to use the spray, any cops or judges involved would have to make a ruling on whether they felt her concerns were “justifiable” or not, but the good news is that there is a precedent of many cops not even giving a warning to women for carrying pepper spray, much less taking them to trial. (Several cases noted [here](http://www.tmm-net.com/security/item/spray/selfdefense/index.html).)

    By the way, in the instance where the guy was caught with pepper spray and his case was eventually overturned, he was at risk of being fined a whole ¥9000, not being threatened with months or years of imprisonment. People are vastly overstating the risks of carrying the spray. I’m not against the suggestions of safety alarms because those can be great deterrents which hopefully stop predators before they even get in range of physical violence, but it’s important to know your rights.

27. I feel for your wife.
    I got more or less harassed at 7am by a neighbor so now I’m playing cat and mouse to make sure he doesn’t know exactly where I live

    I think threatening to call the police is your best bet

28. People gave some good advice. It’s good for her to know where her nearest open shop is along the way to work. She can jump in and tell the staff or security and they’ll help. Or if there are multiple entrances/ exits escape through another exit.

    Those alarms do nothing. No one cares if they hear one. They think it’s kids playing with their alarms. Parasols are great. She can use the stronger ones, not the collapsible ones, for self defense if needed.

    Lastly, raising her voice if people are around will scare off weirdos. I don’t recommend that if there is no one around and the guy gets crazy.

29. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3087274/amp/I-no-doubt-broke-nose-ribs-Woman-turns-tables-skinhead-sexual-predator-attacked-dark-street-using-martial-arts-skills-beat-up.html

30. You better ask your gf to lock the doors and windows most especially (muggy evenings) girls are especially helpless from intruders not wanting to cause a commotion. Or said stalker may have already done things in advanced and broke into the room and installed hiddencams. Who knows if they’ve been doing these thingfms for months and now was the time they couldn’t resist their feelings so they made contact.

31. This happened to me as well. What I did was I called my boyfriend first, and talked to him in my native language but I purposely said the word police and police station loud enough so this scary guy would hear what I was trying to say. Hoping it would ring the alarm if ever he knows the word police. Then after that he walked away.

32. I’m flabbergasted at the responses OP got as a man, because if a woman herself asked the same question on japanlife she would be gaslighted, victim blamed and belittled by a significant amount of hateful posters. It’s literally the same incident told by different genders 🤷🏻‍♀️

33. Is this what I see all the time by the station? I always think they’re recruiting for kissa cafes or AV.

34. I’m so sorry this happened. I try to carry hand sanitizer spray if I don’t know the legality of pepper spray. Hurts just as bad, and I can sanitize my hands with it 😀

35. This happened to me multiple times. Threaten violence with a visible weapon.

36. Because many here suggested pepper spray, I’d like to give a counterpoint and advice against it even if that risks downvotes. For context, I myself was in self-defense coaching some years ago and the instructor basically showed us that pepper spray as a self-defense tool is mostly unhelpful, useless, or even dangerous. What he showed us was a bit eye-opening for me so I want to share that experience and let you make an educated choice if you still want to buy some.

    First, the instructor asked who already carried pepper spray for self-defense and then picked 3 girls who raised their hands. He gave them a training pepper spray which just discharges water but otherwise has the look and feel of genuine pepper spray. They got a moment to familiarize themselves with the can and were put in a simulated attack situation where they had to deploy the spray. None of them could do it and the instructor told us that in his experience, 95% of women fail to deploy the spray properly and 80% fail to deploy it at all. A stressful situation leads to even simple tasks becoming hard to execute if you never trained for it. Even in that simulated situation, people tend to accidentally drop the cans, be overwhelmed by the safety mechanism or completely miss the target.

    This can be dangerous as ineffectively fighting back with a can of pepper spray will almost always escalate a situation and make the attacker more violent instead of triggering their flight reflex. Other limitations of pepper spray are, self-harm when used close-up, in windy conditions or indoors as well as the fact that most “purse-sized” pepper sprays marketed at women are low-quality garbage.

    In practice, an emergency alarm is easier to deploy, cannot be dropped if it’s attached to the handbag, and will almost always startle the attacker and trigger their flight reflex. And even if the attacker won’t let go, it will alarm people who are nearby which a failed pepper spray defence will not.

    If you are still dead set on getting some anyway, buy multiple cans and have a training session where your girlfriend actually deploys a can so she knows how to hold the can, how much pressure is needed on the trigger, how far it will spray, and how long it lasts and so on. Of course, you should do this at an empty river bank at night or another place with zero people around and downwind.

37. A lot of people are saying pepper spray is legal in Japan. Perhaps it is, perhaps it’s not. However, last year when going through Narita Airport, I accidentally forgot I had pepper spray in my bag and they found it and there was a big scene where 20 different security people showed up to investigate and ask me questions and they acted like I brought in a gun. I was told it’s illegal to have in Japan.

38. If it were me, I would take a different route to work or leave at a slightly different time.

39. I always carry a mechanical pencil or pen in my hand when i get a gut feeling on the train. Just in case I have to take some notes.

40. As a girl in Japan that has been followed many times I have many tips.

    1. NEVER GO TO YOUR HOUSE never show them your house I was followed like 10m from my house and I just didn’t get in and continue walking pass.

    2. Walk to the nearest police office; post office or conbini

    3. If you know another language other than English speak in such language very fast they get scared. I speak Spanish super loud and fast and usually they run away.

    4. Some people say take a video or photo but sometimes they get angry, they could attack you so just do it if you are in a safe zone. Also try to stay in places with other people.

    5. If it’s in the train station try not to get outside if it’s your destination because they could start coming a lot to try to see you again (based on a true story)

    6. Call someone and talk on the phone all the time but not in Japanese, always make them think you don’t know Japanese.

    This are some tips for when you don’t have something to protect you or alarm. Stay safe 😉