I felt a strong need to share this with someone, so please bear with me.
While discussing my potential future career plans, my mother expressed concern about me moving to Japan. Her main worry? Safety. This took me aback, given that Japan is globally recognized as one of the safest countries. While no place is entirely without its issues, Japan’s reputation for safety surpasses many other countries as far as I know. Even still, here’s where I start to lose it….
The surprising part was her rationale. She mentioned the bombings in 1945 by the US and implied that the Japanese might still harbor resentment towards Americans. She even drew a parallel between how Jews might feel about Germans. This left me completely stunned. The idea that contemporary Japan is openly hostile towards Americans because of events from almost 80 years ago feels misguided. I’m not saying I nor others should forget, it’s just a stupid rationale and a dumb comment that makes me so aggravated at how someone could think that when all the knowledge out there points otherwise.
For context, I myself have previously taught English in countries that may not be regarded as safe for Americans and even lived in Harlem while working in NYC. So I’ve lived in places that often carry “dangerous” stereotypes. I just need some advice on how to handle this and am curious if anyone else has faced similar misconceptions from loved ones. Not even sure if I wrote or phrased this write, I’m just really f\*cking pissed off. Thank you for reading.
34 comments
Tell your mom not to worry about it.
It sounds like you’re an adult, why do you need to handle it at all? Just tell her you’re going and it’ll be fine?
Laugh at her. Even most of the super racist right wing nationalists here don’t really mind Americans. They’re all too busy being scared of and hating Chinese/Koreans to care about Americans.
Tell her Japanese do not entertain the idea of confrontations. They have adapted a pacifist philosophy and that they would avoid war at the first sign of war.
Japan is safe.
I remember my mom and family dropping nonsense like that, but I’m sure it’s coming from a place of concern of you “leaving” her again. I’m not saying it’s right, but I think that’s it. I call my mom every week and without fail, she’ll let me know it’s ok to go home. This has gone on for over 3 years lol.
My advice is to let her know that you have experience living in a different country and that you’ll still talk with her and not to worry. If you don’t have a good relationship with your mother, then just assert that it’s your life and tell her why you decided to go there and why it’s the next step.
Either way, I think both of you will need to talk about it.
Sounds like a generational thing. My own parents (who were both born during WW2) know people of the same generation who still have a fairly visceral dislike of the Japanese in general because of what happened in WW2. It can be hard to change a prejudice, even if it’s as a result of lack of knowledge rather than genuine spite.
Further, for some people, these prejudices are like Linus’ blanket. Take it away from them and it only serves to agitate them more. You could provide all the evidence in the world that Japan is extremely safe and it might not make a dent if the person has convinced him-or-herself that it’s still a violent pit of anti-Americanism. (The Japanese obsession with Disney alone should serve to demonstrate how obsessed they are with at least some aspects of US culture).
On top of that, when there *is* anti-American sentiment (mainly against US military bases and those Osprey planes which keep crashing) it’s never violent and just takes the form of legal protests.
I’d just gather as much evidence as possible and show her, and state that if she still chooses to believe otherwise then there’s nothing you can do about that, but that you still intend to go because you’ve made a convincing case.
You Mom sees the anti-japanese sentiment in your country and thinks this must be reciprocated. I understand, it always fills me with shame when I hear Japanese people praise my country France, because I can remember about all the dehumanizing shit people in my country say about them.
My wife and I get this kind of thing a lot from her mother. My MIL shits on every single country we have talked about especially the ones in Asia. She’s always saying that our daughter is gonna get kidnapped or trafficked or beaten up at school yadda yadda yadda. I have lived abroad and I feel on the complete opposite end of that argument. Japan and most of Asia is really quite safe for foreigners, especially when you compare it to the USA where we currently live.
Literally two days ago we had a shooting in my apartment complex three buildings up from where we live. A guy shot 6 times into an apartment and killed his ex wife and a child. One week ago we had a lunatic have a stand off with cops as he shot at them with a rifle. I would way rather take my chances in Asia. China was amazing and japan will be as well I’m sure. I can’t imagine staying here much longer.
I’ve lived here a total of 17 years and have not once felt danger of any kind. Not once. (I’m a dude).
She can’t be further from reality.
Japan is extremely safe if not the safest place in the world.
I have found wallets with money on the floor and people just passing by like if it was garbage.
Sorry to say but your mom is more in the side of ignorance and ghosts from the past rather than objective reality.
Your mom doesn’t want you to be far away. Parental attachment can be too strong for some people
The real misconception about japan is: violence is not where you think it is. Of course you won’t get shot randomly and no one will steal your belongings on the street. But behind closed doors, businesses or private homes, I’m convinced it is far worse than anything I could see/experience in Europe.
I’ve found no resentment towards me being Mr. White Foreigner. If anything the Japanese people are patient with cultural differences and among the younger children I get pointed at like I’m Tom Cruise strolling through the shopping market.
Would she happen to have resentment toward Japan because of Pearl Harbor? As crazy as it sound, in 2011, some Americans said things like the tsunami is karma for Pearl Harbor ([article here for reference](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/some-people-think-japans_b_836183)). Does she think that America is not safe for Japanese people because of that ?
Actually I would probably not mention anything to her in case she say that it justify her point of view.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely do not think that Japan is dangerous and not for Americans more than for anybody else.
Sincerely, I don’t think so about it here. I have some American friends who lives around Japan, and all of them are kinda “praised” somehow. But the deal is that, here and there, you WILL find someone who’re afraid of you just by being an US citizen, and that’s because, let’s face the truth: even the recent past of USA is pretty imperialist towards other countries, and many people hold some grudge on it.
But don’t worry, the amount of people who still think like this is really small, and isn’t gonna bring any danger towards you, the most they’ll do is not being nice to you. Just that.
worry not: there are no “magical scholars” in japan, so it’s safe
Tell her Japan thinks you are the danger.
I’m a younger American who’s been in Japan for 5 years, I’ve never had anyone hold this grudge against me. People aren’t stupid. My grandparents were like 6 when the bombs dropped. There’s no way I nor anyone in my family for the past 2 generations could have feasibly been involved. I have been asked about it once in a job interview. “What if someone confronted you about this?” to which I responded pretty much what I wrote above. But I think the worry of confrontation is way greater than the actual risk of it.
Americans are like the highest level on the Gaijin totem pole
Bruh if you worked in Harlem , Japan is cake lmao. Been in Osaka for little over 5 years and nothing has happened to me.
I remember lo those 30 plus years ago when I first came to the land of green tea and onsens.
My mother was most worried about… the price of coffee! At that time the news media were deep into the high cost of everything in Japan. There were stories about ten dollar coffee being the norm. So she insisted I pack about 30 small jars of both Instant and regular coffee, both for myself and to use as gifts to impress my bosses/coworkers.
Drank it myself and chuckled each time I had a cup.
Sounds like your mum is worried about you being “out of reach” rather than your actual safety.
Yeah as someone with boomer parents, they always make up some sort of crazy rationale as to why I’ll be unsafe overseas, despite the fact that neither of them have ever left the country.
During WW2, the propaganda by the Japanese government told the Japanese citizens that—if Japan lost the war—the foreign devils would rape all the women, engage in mass murder, and then force everyone to learn English.
So, when that didn’t happen, the Japanese population was sort of relieved. Of course, Tokyo was basically rubble at that point, and two cities had been hit by atomic bombs, so they had their hands full. But a lot of blame was aimed at the Japanese militarist government.
Yeahhh, when I told my WW2 navy veteran grandfather I’m moving to Japan, he said, “why would you do that, they don’t even like us over there.” And thought I wouldn’t be safe.
7 years and a marriage later, he absolutely adores my wife and wants to give her a big hug whenever we come visit. He wants to come visit us in Japan too, but being 96 makes travel too much of a hastle for him.
With the older generations, I think a lot of it just comes down to misconceptions rather than malice. If your parents are reasonable people, their views will adjust.
Ask her if her own any of her friends hate middle-easterners because of 9/11.
Ask her if her or any of her friends hate Japan for Pearl Harbor.
If you get hate for being an American is more likely its cause of the current military base than the ww2 bombing.
She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. There is pretty much zero open hostility towards American in Japan maybe with the exception of a minority of very old people.
There is however quite a lot of open hostility against Chinese people in my experience.
Projection. Many Americans still resent the Japanese for Pearl, they assume the Japanese must feel likewise for Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
In 10 years living here I’ve had 1 run in with someone about this. I’m broad daylight in a busy area, they said they wanted to injure my child as they approached me and started some rant about WW2 Americans.
So it’s not impossible, older generations or super right wing people do have this way of thinking. But the incidence rate is so close to nothing it’s not worth focusing on. If I was an American in American the chance of being shot while I’m sleeping in my house would probably be higher than any loony actually killing me in Japan.
Harlem has more crime than all of Japan combined.
I’ve been living here 10 years and never once has someone brought up the war to me, let alone any resentment about the war. I even lived in a city that had horrible fire bombings and was mostly burned to the ground, but I didn’t know that until a few years in when I read it online. Also, it should be pointed out to your mother that the war was 80 years ago. Unless you’re teaching a bunch of 100 year old obachans you’ll most likely not have students who have a living memory of the war. Anyway, Japan is lovely.
The younger generations of Japan worship Westerners.
The older ones will either stay away from you (because of the language) or adore you.
No I’m not a westerner. I’m a foreign worker from a third world country, but I am oriental so I can blend in easily as long as I don’t try to speak Japanese.
And they’re nice to me.
My dad promised to gift me my grandfather’s 10k diamond ring when I returned to visit from Japan. He reneged when I came home and asked about it stating, “If you lose it over there, it’s gone forever.” I lost so much stuff when I lived in America. Probably three or four thousand worth of stuff that people just picked up and walked off with instead of leaving it where I left it.
In Japan, I’ve left my skateboard in the middle of a college campus and came back 12 hours later to find somebody only played with it. I’ve left it on the train three or four times and always got it back. i’ve left my backpack on the train four or five times and always got it back. I’ve heard countless stories of people losing their wallet and getting it back with all the money in it.
Conversely, my wife has been sexually assaulted twice, so there’s that.
At no time I’ve ever felt that somebody was being racist towards me because of World War II.
So, I run into American dudebros over here all the time who have this exact same attitude. Especially when I tell them that I feel much safer here as a black person than in the states. They always scoff and feign surprise: Lol, dude. You think Japan isn’t racist? “No, I just think they are more ashamed of racism, and go out of their way to treat people equally” Pff, racist Japanese people are NOT ashamed of racism! ” I mean, a lot more of them are than in America” Bro, Japanese people view black people as being so far below them “Even if that was true, they still don’t shoot them for jogging down the street”
And it’s just a never ending struggle with these people. You’ll never win the conversation, so I just try to never start it.