My wife is hopelessly addicted to DoRaMas. She bases the job she finds on the ability to work from home, so she can watch DoRaMas all day instead of working. It got so bad that her employer told her that she had to work from the office (around 2 months ago) because she wasn’t learning anything to do with her job. When she went to work in the offices, she would record the DoRaMas from the TV onto an external HDD and watch them all (8pm – 12:30am) when she got home, every day. The work place handed her some study material to learn from when she had time at home, but she just put it in the pile of paperwork and didn’t study. Then on Friday 29th July, she was fired from her position. Her response was to say, “I can watch DoRaMas all day now”. She has accumulated 100’s of hours of DoRaMas recorded (4 TB external drive) and doesn’t plan to look for a job. We live in central Tokyo in an expensive area, and I can’t afford to pay for everything every month. Plus, we have a daughter whom she neglects to watch DoRaMas on the weekend.
My question is: Is it a common problem in Japan for Japanese people? And where can I find her some help? Should I take things into my own hands and unplug the external HDD? Trying to talk to her about it just gets her furious to the point of violence toward myself and our daughter. I don’t want to report her to the police about the violence.
Thanks in advance for any advice you can give.
28 comments
Sounds like she is incredibly unhappy with her life and using this as a form of escapism. You need to look more closely at the root cause not the symptom.
Do report the violence, that’s unforgivable. When the time for divorce comes you want to have as much evidence as possible that she is unfit as a mother so you’ll more likely to get custody of your child. I know you’re not even considering that right now but you gotta have your bases covered.
But do seek help for her as well. It sounds like she’s massively addicted that needs intervention.
Wow, reading this post took me on a journey. It started with well, you might like her, sure, but if this addiction is even interfering with her work, then maybe you have to consider her a lost cause and move on.
And then…
> Plus, we have a daughter whom she neglects to watch DoRaMas on the weekend.
Oh. Shit. Well, okay, I guess maybe you’d better find a way to work things out, for the sake of your daughter.
And then…
> Trying to talk to her about it just gets her furious to the point of violence toward myself and our daughter. I don’t want to report her to the police about the violence.
Oh. *Shit.*
…Better plot twists than the crappy dramas she’s watching. Okay, seriously though, it does sound like she’s using this as escapism. Was she always super into dramas or is this recent? You might have to force her into therapy, or at least seeing some kind of professional to get to the root of the issue. I know you love your wife and don’t want to leave her hanging, but maybe it’s time for some tough love. She is ruining her life to be all-in on these fickle fantasies. Losing her job should have been a blaring red alert, but somehow that wasn’t enough.
Document the violence, to the point where you can prove it if it went to court. Tell her – either she needs to start making the effort to engage with the real world, or you will take your daughter and all she will have left is the fantasy world.
if you can’t convince her that she needs help, talk to her parents or her friends. Absolutely do not just unplug the HDD with no warning. That is just escalating things in a way that isn’t going to be good for anyone. When did the issue start and was it possibly brought on by a significant life change?
Also, “Is it a common problem in Japan for Japanese people?” is one of the dumbest questions I’ve seen in a while.
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This might sound a bit poetic, but it wasn’t on purpose.
Her heart has an empty void, she’s filling it with DoRaMa, but it’ll never be filled.
You have to find a way to fill that void since clearly, she needs help.
Don’t stop her from watching DoRaMa, it will only escalate the issue, just try to find a way to, maybe, do something together with her. Some new exciting dates, or trips.
You can also go to a psychologist session with her, but yeah, try to fill in that void with your love, care, and attention, so she can come back to Earth.
What exactly do you mean when you say she gets violent towards you and your daughter? Punching and kicking?
I know you said you vowed to protect her but you need to be protecting your daughter. This will definitely have an impact on her mental development.
Why do you keep spelling it like that?
Why do you keep tying Drama as DoRaMa? At least just say Dorama if you’re going to make it clear its specifically Japanese ones.
If she does not agree to get help, your only choice is divorce and to fight like hell for sole custody of your daughter. Good luck. What a nightmare scenerio.
Like what others said, she must be escaping her true feelings. I guess some aggressive intervention may be the only way. Maybe you can involve family and friends because you will need the support from others.
I hope you’re able to fix things. Sounds like a tough situation to be in.
Sounds like your woman loves dramas and that’s her passion. Some people do it with sports, games or whatever else. Your wife is dedicated to the dramas.
I find that most Japanese peoples lives are so boring they really live to escape their lives via tv shows.
Sounds like depression and addiction, but don’t take the word of some rando off reddit. Get professional help.
What’s she watching tho? This season’s shows or past ones on Hulu or something? Is she watching a particular actor or just anything that’s on?
PS did you go to prison in Japan or your home country?
DoRaMa? What’s that? Is that the name of a tv show she’s addicted to?
The best way would be to talk to her directly about the problem. Failing that, maybe you can get her family to do that for you.
Instead of asking her to stop it altogether, maybe you can find a compromise, for example, she could watch 2 hours daily, instead of 4-5.
I almost thought this was a joke poking fun at ppl who watch dramas.
Post history says you’re an alcoholic who went to prison?
I’m not saying this is your fault, but both sides need some work here I’m sure. Make sure you get professional help for her but also for yourself. For the sake of your daughter
Let her be for a month or 2. Then after that tell her have you had enough? We needed you back now. I am struggling to keep the bills being paid.
I was wondering wtf doramas are then i realized it’s dramas lol …
If you are trying to find help for your wife and need help with the Japanese. Most city halls have some connections or days you can book an appointment with a counsellor that speaks English that can help you navigate social services for you wife.
Do it via city hall. Start a case. Keep papers. If shit hit the fan you have paperwork to back you up that you’re trying to help your wife overcome an addiction then this is prove in a case for custody.
Anyways… Best of luck. This sounds pretty hard.
Raising a child in this environment sounds harder.
I wonder if you have a good relationship with her relatives… Maybe something like this has happened before?
This level of obsession is severe psychological mental health crisis. She needs evaluation and therapy, possibly medication
Sounds like she’s trying to live out some DorAmaS in real life.
It sounds as if she’s using dramas (**NOT** DoRaMas) to escape reality and the stress of daily life, in the same way that others use alcohol, drugs or video games. Her watching dramas is the symptom, not the problem. She probably sees herself trapped in a bad situation she can’t easily get out from.
Based on your post history, I suspect that you are the problem (or rather, your behavior is). Please **talk to her** and ask what is stressing her… and then do something about it.
Reminds me of that meme
Boss: “You’re fired!”
OP’s wife: * pauses DoRaMa * – “Why??”
Quite common for Japanese to have addiction of any kind. 🤷
And also quite common to become violent toward partner and kids 🤷
I would advise you to see a doctor/therapist/councelor but japanese and you should report her to the police even of usually they do nothing but still can be good in case of divorce.
I would suggest mental health help. She must be going through something.. I agree with the top comment, this is escapism. Good luck to you and your wife.
The word “drama” does exist you know?