There are few things that really irk me but this is definitely one of them. I’m on a public bus in Tokyo and there are three moms standing holding babies and no one giving up their seats. All of the people in the seats with the handicap mark are young and athletic (and from what I can see, don’t have any visible handicaps… I might be wrong). But their eyes are glued to their phones and pretending not to notice the moms struggling to hold their babies standing on a moving bus.
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People will often move if asked, but won’t necessarily jump to the opportunity.
How about you tell them rather than us?
When I was pregnant, people rarely gave up their seats for me. One time a guy even swooped ahead of me to steal an open seat when it was vacated at the next stop.
The people most likely to give up seats in my experience were middle-aged+ women, who were presumably the most likely to be sympathetic to someone who is visibly pregnant. My experience was the same when my child was very small.
Publicly shame them
Maybe the mothers don’t want to sit?
I’ve seen nerdy guys take up two seats on the bus before. When it’s packed. It always pissed me off.
Then one day I saw another nerdy guy get on, walk up to him and say sumimasen and gesture to the open seat and begin sitting down. The guy quickly moved his bag and let him sit.
It’s just one of those Japanese things of avoiding conflict I guess and he quickly backed off. I don’t have such bravery.
If you want something to happen you can either do it yourself or give a reason convincing enough for others to do so. Otherwise it’s a big city so everyone will just mind their own business.
I see complains about salary man not giving their seats all the time, but the most oblivious is definitely the 20 something crowd. They never give their seat and they flock the elevators even though there are escalators 5m away.
I no longer care when I’m with my toddler, I either spend the whole train trip stepping on their foot or I enter the priority elevator with the baby car even when full. Talking to them is useless so that’s the only way.
I think it’s also important to remember that not everyone has visible disabilities. It’s not a disability but sometimes my period cramps are so severe that I need to sit down or just get off the train. I know this isn’t everyone but you don’t know what people are going through.
I 100% know where you’re coming from. However from my experience, whenever I offer up my seat to a mother or elderly person, they almost always refuse to take my seat. Just yesterday on the train there was an elderly woman sleeping standing up in front of me and when I stood up to offer my seat she quickly told me she didn’t need a seat. It’s gotten to the point where I always question whether I should even ask someone if they want my seat.
I’m in my third trimester and I usually get offered a seat 9/10 times since the end of my first trimester.
In the rare instance that people ignore me, I cough to get their attention. If they still don’t move, I use the usual sumimasen. If they still try to ignore me, I just sumimasen louder and poke them on the shoulder. That usually “wakes” them up. This rarely happens though, to be fair. I think just twice in the past 9 months.
The ones I had the most trouble with are Chinese foreigners who look at me like I’ve grown a second head and pretend not to understand Japanese. Thankfully I can speak mandarin and point out that they’re in the priority seats. That usually shuts them up and shame them enough to move.
For me now, whether I want a seat or not depends on how I’m traveling with baby. If I’m wearing my carrier, it constricts me horribly when I sit and I doubt it’s comfy for kiddo either. When I have her in my arms, I would very much like to sit!!
I’m walking with crutches now bc I hurt my ankle pretty bad, people actively push past me to get on the train. Someone even like pushed me so hard that I dropped my crutches and the attendants at the station had to yell. Nobody offers seats besides old ladies and I’m not gonna take a seat from them, I’d feel bad :’) most people just give me the biggest side eye when I get on the train. I’m guessing the same happens for most people who need priority seats. I even see like healthy looking 20 somethings in the priority seats recently 😭 maybe they have a heart condition or are newly pregnant so I don’t want to assume they ARE healthy but somethings I wonder
I am really shy and scared to talk to people in Japanese but I’ve noticed I’m still always the only one offering my seat. I wonder if people are hesitant to ask I’m case they say no? That’s how I feel but I still ask.
In my opinion standing on the bus is a lot more dangerous than the train. It makes me sad nobody offers their seat.
A few years ago when I was on a very full subway one guy and his pregnant wife walked halfway across the subway car to ask me (only gaijin in the car) to give up my seat for her. I did of course, but they were kinda rude about it and didn’t even say thanks. Kinda pissed me off tbh lol
Am I the only one who asks them to get up for others? Instead of attempting to stare them down or speak to others so they hear it? Be direct, if you care that much
My husband has a non-visible disability (has a tag and everything). He rarely gets offered a seat even when standing in front of the priority seats and I often see people glancing at the tag. I often have to literally throw elbows to get him a seat on the way home.
Osaka people would give up a seat IMO
it happened to me 5 years ago at Hiroshima. I was on the city train with my 3 years old daughter and a pregnant woman got on the train and I see no Japanese people give up their seat for her. So I decided to give my seat to her with my daughter. The moment I stood up and I said dozo, all the Japanese passengers were fighting to give their seat to her😂.
I tried once and they said they wanted to stand. Then I started to care what other people think about me when they got in from every stop.
Yea Japan is actually much worse than many places on this front surprisingly, for a country that prides itself on culture. I have the same issue with my partner and our baby kid back when we used to take public transport. Even worse are those spots where you’re meant to park the pram, Japanese people just stand there blocking it and pretend they can’t see us holding a pram (partner Japanese, and I’m East Asian, so no racism involved). Pretty poor form
Could be a Tokyo thing.
Overall depends on the person of course but here in Osaka I see people give up their seats for pregnant people all the time.
I agree but at the same time, they/expected mothers have mouths they can use to ask for seats. There were times I offered and they declined… so.. now I don’t offer. If they want it then they can ask.
Gave birth in June. By the end of my pregnancy I ended up just asking the people in the priority seats if anyone would be kind enough to give up their seat. I have to say it was always the women who moved not the men…
I was standing on a train near the priority seats recently, and no one would give up their seat for a person with a leg cast using crutches standing in front of them.
I remember about 15 years ago when the general population seemed to be friendlier. People used to say “sumimasen” if they bumped into you by accident, but no one has said that to me in years even though I get bumped into a lot.
Not to defend the people not giving up their seats but I’ve seen cases where people offer their seats and the person either refuses or very hesitantly takes the seat after much back and forth each trying to convince the other to take the seat.
Normally I’ll just stand on the bus to just avoid such situations.
I’ve seen a few mums decline a seat offer because they were wearing a baby sling and preferred to stand.
Going to piggyback off this post and say the mfs in cafes who put their bags on the seat next to them so really there are only half the seats available… even worse, one person at a 4-seater
The mfs in the gym who take a bench or even a whole rack just to place their phone/water on while doing standing dumbbell exercises, or otherwise something that doesnt require that equipment… while people are WAITING IN LINE to use that equipment…
People are either criminally oblivious or exceptionally rude.
I’m from the country where, if you have the guts to sit in a public transport you’ll be immediately surrounded by old/pregnant ppl that will loudly shame you on the spot to the level where you never want to use public transport again… And the fact that, those old ones need to go somewhere at 8 am or 6 pm every fkn day (clearly not for work) and take seats (and seats for their bags) like it’s the main quest for their day makes me so relief that I’m not home anymore…
Likely pregnant women are very rare for me to see and the old ones use buses. They don’t ride trains that often. So the situations where I need to give a seat are mostly rare.
Most mommas holding babies in slings dont take my offer. I am not sure if it is more effort to sit down or easier to comfort the little one standing
As someone with 2 small kids, welcome to japan.
Edit: also to the japan apologists, when I took my wife to my home country she was amazed how helpful EVERYWHERE people were when they saw us with kids. We saw people almost fighting between them to put us at the front of the line at a supermarket.
I’m physically disabled (use a cane full-time outside of my house so it’s very obvious) and I get genuinely surprised when people offer me their seats bc it happens so infrequently, even in the priority seating area
If the moms were using a baby sling (dakkohimo), it may be possible that they refused sit. Some times the baby feels more comfortable in the sling when the parent is standing. At least both of my little girls do. Bus seats are also relatively cramped compared to train seats which could be another reason a parent would prefer to stand.
Not disregarding your thoughts, just wanted to put a few reasons why you might see parents with babies standing.
It is what it is. Getting all fired up about it isn’t doing anyone any good..
You got to remember Tokyo is a big city, people are living on top of each other here. They all have sensory overload.. they’re probably just not paying attention to everything around them.. you have to consider that.
No one talks to their neighbors, people don’t look at each other and if you get a seat on the train, you dam sure aren’t going to give it up to every Tom, Dick and Harry that looks at you funny..
You don’t know someone’s story, you don’t know where they are going. You don’t know what they do..
I rode the train for 14 years and I’ve seen plenty of Japanese men, women, and high school kids give up their seats to each other. I seen that all the time and I only rode one train line, in one car, for 45 mins two times a day. I think it’s safe to assume that it happens all the time.
The older you get, the more you will understand that you’re perspective is just a teeny tinny piece of what is happening around us all the time..
Be calm, relax and enjoy the ride friend..
Father here. I had a kid and it was 50/50 for me. Actually it’s more 70/30 where most of the time, people give up seats for me when my kid was small.
However, the 30% time they no one gave up a seat for me, I felt like it’s always nobody gives up a seat for me. Negative behavior is so strong that sometimes we forget majority of the good exists.
I personally give away my seat to someone who needs it, but it’s a courtesy to give up your seat, not a rule.