She said yes! We are getting married!
We both want to share a surname if possible, she is Japanese, i’m Argentinian. Living between both countries for now and also travel a lot due to her job so there’s always papers and documents involved.
There’s always mixed opinions, if you or your partner changed the surname to a non Japanese one, has it really been as annoying as some say? Has it been the same if you changed to a Japanese one? Do you or your partner regret doing so for any legal reason?
32 comments
One of my coworkers took his Japanese wife’s name when they got married, to minimize the risk of discrimination/bullying against their kids at school. It’s not a universal experience, but it’s something to consider depending on where you choose to settle down.
Changing last names isn’t really in my culture and to us it feels like a weird “deletion” of someone’s identity, so I didn’t even look into how it would work. But I had a colleague do it and it looked like a pain in the ass for no real benefit.
Feliciraciones papi
Mejor que se quede con el apellido
Lo mismo para los hijos
Mucho bardo apellido occidental
In my case, we both kept our original surnames to avoid having to update everything/everywhere. So can’t speak to that hassle. Few points to note though that may be useful in your decision making process:
– Any future children you have will automatically go on the Japanese partner’s koseki, meaning they will have her last name, whatever that ends up being. You can only change this by going to family court or making a separate koseki specifically for the child, but that seems like it might be a hassle for future paperwork IMO
– You have one year after marriage to change last name with no hurdles, but after that you need to go to family court to change
– You can put a legal alias on a Japanese passport if you want to give alternative surname on Argentinian passport or something (zero clue about Argentina policy here)
– If you’re traveling a lot and using Japanese passport for the children, having separate last names could potentially present some difficulties because they will have her last name. Traveling solo with kid(s) seems like a suicide mission either way though 😉
Hope this is somewhat helpful!
Congrats. My partner and I kept separate family names. Kids took the mother’s name. No regrets or issues in the last twenty years.
” if you or your partner changed the surname to a non Japanese one, has it really been as annoying as some say? ”
I can’t fathom making my wife write out that much katakana for the rest of her natural life.
Congratulations!
Wife just finished the name change process.
Me: US / Wife: JPN
• Did the hyphenated last name. (Her-Mine)
• Did this so our future kid(s) will have both names. (For traveling between countries, etc. At least the kids will have both names)
• I kept my name as-is. (Too much hassle changing banking and brokerage information)
• New koseki under her.
• Process took a few months since they kept asking for clarification and better reasons for changing her name.
• Also needed to provide proof that name change is acceptable in my home country/state.
Hope this helps!
Just wait until you can naturalize and adopt her surname. Unless of course you do not have confidence in your Japanese to get through the naturalization process.
P.S. For anyone who does not understand – Argentinians literally cannot denounce their citizenship, so they can be dual-citizens, if they naturalize in Japan.
My wife took my name. No problems 20 years later.
Wife took my last name. Only thing we would have done differently would be to user her maiden name as a middle name since Japanese don’t usually have middle names. Would have just made things like using her Passport a little easier if they saw a “Japanese” last name anywhere on the Passport.
Overall it really hasn’t been that big of a deal other than trying to tell people our last name on the phone and having to go through a half the katakana chart to sound it out. Doesn’t help that our apartment name is also not Japanese and is longer than our last name. It’s seriously several minutes of “Ma, mi, mu, me, mo…MO!”
In person it’s obviously pretty easy.
My wife also took my last name. 0 problems so far.
We shall see when our child is born in the beginning of the new year. If this post is still alive then I’ll keep ya updated or if you private message me!
Wife took katakana foreign last name. Have never experienced the slightest inconvenience. I don’t even know what sort of problems people might be worried about.
It’s certainly nothing compared to having a middle name.
Edit: Also have children.
It was simple.
My (J) wife wanted to take my last name. When we registered our marriage in Kita-Ku, Osaka, they asked if she really wanted to take my name. They asked a total of three times within five minutes (I think to double check that it was her choice, not mine), and that was it.
Of course she had to change the name on her license, professional license and koseki, but that would have happened if she’d married a Japanese man as well.
Felicidades! Si no le das mucha importancia yo te recomendaría ponerte el apellido de ella. Mi esposo y yo tenemos apellido “extranjero” y es una gran molestia cada vez que tenemos que registrarnos en algo 🙄 La gente lo pronuncia mal, no entra en los formularios, etc. Si ella está de acuerdo dale para adelante y compartan su apellido 👍
Congrats! We got married 11 years ago and file papers at the city hall, then at the family court. I kept my name, and she kept hers, while adding mine to it. Since my family name is strangely Japanese sounding already, it’s not really shocking. My kids (10 and 7) have never been bothered or made fun of so far.
Japanese wife and kids took my last name. It’s been an adventure for my wife because her first name is very uncommon and written in hiragana. And while she is 100 percent Japanese, she doesn’t look “traditional” So she is constantly having to explain her name. It’s become a source of entertainment for her.
She just started working at a new company and she’s the talk of the town. “who/what are you exactly??” Also, her co-workers just found out her last name has TWO capital letters and they lost their shit.
My kids have had no issues. It’s been fun.
My wife chose my name. No hassles at all.
Our kids don’t have middle names because that’s the biggest hassle in this country.
For the kid, they can have different family name in Japan than in your home country. Best of both world. Having two identity may be useful in some cases.
My Japanese wife took my last name (American) no issues
I’m American and have a foreign surname, but I use my mother’s (Japanese) maiden name here in Japan because it saves me a HECKTON of trouble. No regrets.
It’s frustrating to get done but it’s really not that hard. Just paperwork
Wife kept her family name on koseki tohon, but added my family name in parentheses on her passport for ease of travel.
Kid’s first name works in both Japanese and English. Kid’s middle name is wife’s family name, and kid’s last name is my family name.
On Japanese documents, kid’s name is written in katakana. On other documents, kid’s name is written in English.
Everything has been smooth so far.
Personally I’ve never had any issues with having a different last name to my husband. Even with having a child. Neve been interrogated or questioned about it or has any issues with paperwork.
We kept separate family names in Japan, and in my home country her maiden name became her middle name. She’s fully Japanese, but she looks a little ambiguous and neither her first nor last name is uniquely Japanese (she occasionally gets emails for two different Chileans with basically the same name). I think she also includes my last name in parentheses in her Japanese passport.
Same for the kids. Both took their mom’s middle name and my last name in my country, and mom’s name in Japan. Both also have names that work in Japanese with kanji (although not super common names) but would also be reasonably common in many countries around the world.
The only person who has issues in our family in Japan is me with my middle name, but that honestly isn’t a big deal.
We kept our last names separate, but if we had to I would take my wife’s last name. We discussed it, but we felt having the other person change their last name was a loss.
My sister-in-law’s husband (japanese) did decide to take her last name, however, fwiw.
My wife joined mine to hers. zero problems so far. We live in Kanto area close to Tokyo. Kids haven’t been bullied because of the name so far as I know.
My wife took my name. Been married for 25 years. Never ever had a problem.
Although when making reservations on the phone, we often use her maiden name to save time lol
She can keep her name and you can keep yours. In Japan, this is only possible to do when marrying a foreigner.
If you have kids in the future they will by default have the name of the Japanese national in Japan because they will be registered into her family register. Depending on the laws in your country, you may be able to register them with your last name in your country.
It wasn’t that difficult
Como estas viejo? Podemos hablar? Me alegro que hayas encontrado amor y ojala les vaya bien
Wife(Japanese) took my name. No problems in particular for her.
I have all the problems. Having a middle name in Japan is a hell I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
Having the same (foreign) name in Japan.- Can still lead to unconscious bias for your wife at the work place, both in terms of having a foreign name,
– Changing the name can signify that she is ready to settle down and start family and she can be overlooked for promotion. A foreign name is just more obvious.
– Kid might be more discriminated against or bullied (or might just feel different) if they have the foreign name. (my daughter has her mother’s name)
– It will be easier for you to travel with your kid and not be suspected of kidnapping them if the kids passport has the same last name as you. (I was smart enough to put my own last name on her passport in parenthesis even though it is not official, so when we go through customs I still get stopped, but at least it is obvious she is my daughter – if not for that I would have to have some other way to prove it.)
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Keeping different name:
– Better for when you divorce. She can still have her same maiden name, so it will be as if nothing changed and don’t have to change too much paperwork if she wants to change her name back.
– Some people will still expect it if you are married, and may treat you differently if they assume you are married compared to assuming you are not. (but I have found that is only for first meeting, once they know you are married but with different name it does not make a difference.)