I’m not really sure where to post this. Delete if not allowed
I was given a serious ultimatum: change my shopping habits or risk losing my job. My time in Japan spans four years, starting with a big English school and later moving to a small company in a rural town.
This school happens to be the only one of its kind in the area, and I stand out as the first non-Asian resident in years, with most other teachers coming from Southeast Asia.
Things took an interesting turn when a group of my friends from Tokyo decided to stay with me for a few days during the summer break. Wanting to be a good host, I went shopping for them, picking up meat, beer, cheese, and snacks from the local market. I didn’t think too much about it – just enough for five people for a few days.
But the story gets more complicated when I went back to work. My boss who is also school owner called me in for a meeting. She showed me photos taken of me while I was shopping, claiming they were taken by “relatives of students.” What caught their attention was the “junk food” and alcohol in my cart. She told me that if I really needed to buy those items, I should do it online since I represent the school all the time🤔
I tried to defend myself; especially since this was during the summer break , but my boss cut me off and warned me sternly that if this happens again, I’d be fired on the spot. If I had enough money saved I would quit but I just spent a lot on a plane ticket home this winter.
This practice isn’t normal is it? There is no way that this is legal-right?
38 comments
This is not typical behavior. Drinking isn’t taboo and most Japanese men drink beer or liquor with dinner everyday. It seems your school is just overly controlling.
If they fire you, lawyer up. It also goes without saying that covertly taking photos of people shopping is a violation of privacy and stalking.
Tell her you would like that in writing so you can take it to the labor board.
She will fuck off real quick.
Yeah, your boss is nuts. Keep living your life. And wtf are the kids doing taking pics of you shopping and showing your boss?
Extremely weird, as I was surprised with how there is basically no stigma against alcohol in Japan when I moved, comparing to some other countries. Some teachers in the elementary school would openly tell kids about how they like drinking beer, how it’s their hobby, when it would be unacceptable to even mention in my home country.
Super strange and illegal.
Hate to say it but as you pointed out, a small town with only SE Asian workers before you. Us westerners get treated waaaaaay differently than people from there (and other parts). Your boss definitely got used to controlling and punching down on people who don’t have many options since that situation is usually still better than what they had going on back home.
As for your question, no, it’s not normal at all. I personally would never put myself in a situation where someone could talk to me like that and I have no choice but to accept it for financial reasons.
Let this be a lesson to you. ALWAYS have ‘fuck you’ money in your bank account so you can dip when a situation gets shitty.
Your boss won’t improve nor will she become more reasonable. Start looking for a new job.
Sadly, don’t pin your hopes on lawyering up. At least, not towards your boss. From what you said, and what the boss said, she was accosted by clients about you with photo evidence. Have you read the stories of people being screamed at by customers, and their bosses having to endure this to make sure they don’t lose the income? And yes, they are wrong about you, but they have no way of knowing that.
Now, one of the fun parts is that this potentially means you could sue these people for defamation. Not your boss, but the people who sent those pictures to her.
How strong is Japan’s stalking laws? Sounds like your boss is stalking you and she has the pictures to prove it!
You also have a number of harassment issues going on here: フォトハラ, パワハラ, パーハラ and possibly モラハラ too. I’ve never had to deal with harassment issues in Japan (yet), so I’m not sure what the proper recourse is. You have a unique situation since you work at a small school, but surely there is something that can be done. Have you talked to Labor Standards yet?
It might be wise to start looking for a new job. Reporting the matter could make matters worse, but it’s up to you if want to let this intrusion of privacy slide. Good luck.
Wtf the audacity. Photos taken of you??? During your private time???? Don’t “lawyer up” cuz this doesn’t work in Japan and it’s a waste of money. Quit and run. There are PLENTY of other companies hiring right now. You don’t need to stay there and be harassed like that OP
You didn’t mention how much longer you have on your contracts for work and your living place. I’d use the time remaining to save enough to move and find another job. This kind of control behavior won’t end and at a minimum will be used against you. I wouldn’t care about leaving the workplace with more than a month’s notice but the apartment may be for the full term depending on your contract conditions.
Ask for it in writing and take it to the labor board.
I don’t know if recording is a good idea, and probably not time for a lawyer yet. Your boss sounds insane.
I had a boss who told me I could eat on my break but then complained that I ate “too much”. Not that I went over any time limits, but he just didn’t approve of the volume of food 😂. I told him that he should of put it in the contract and that I was gonna eat whatever I want.
But guess who didn’t get a contract renewal 😅.
It was a miserable place so good riddance. This guy had no idea what he wanted and the rules were changing every week. I’m sure he wasn’t paying taxes and he had his priorities all over the place. He didn’t see his kids for over a year bc he was so paranoid about Covid and the co-owner was an even worse version of him.
Another story,
I had some lady make PAGES of complaints against me in my first job in Japan. It gets sent up the ladder by my dumbass Australian boss who’s been in Japan 20+ years but can’t read any of it. I get a meeting with regional manager and she just flips through it and says “these are all ridiculous, you’re not breaking any rules here”.
The claims against me were, from memory:
– He eats with a chopsticks, gaijin should use fork
– His bentos are clear
– He cooks his own food and won’t buy food at the conbini
– He dropped a flash card
– Kid sneezed in class and got boogers on his hand
– He drinks too much water.
Something like this. Obviously it just got thrown out by my regional manager and she told me this lady making the reports had issues. Not sure if there’s anyone you can elevate it to or not, but just know that when there’s a crazy complaining person in the company they might already have a known reputation for it.
I got this same speech years ago.
“You are being watched always and your behavior off duty reflects on us.”
Fuck off. I’m not hitting the meth pipe or soap-lands in my free time.
I’m having a beer with friends.
Start looking for a new job. In the meantime, continue to purchase whatever you want at the supermarket or convenience store. The next time your boss decides to play the food and drink police and calls you into her office, make sure you have your phone on record. At least you’ll have some ammunition if she tries to follow through on her threat.
What a crazy boss and town you live in? It shouldn’t be this way but perhaps shop/live a little further from where you work. When I shopped at the supermarket near the school I used to work at, I often had students come up and comment about what I was buying. It was annoying and sometimes those students would tell the staff at my school about what they saw me buying. Then the staff would ask me if I liked the ___ that I bought. Now I live and shop 30 minutes from where I work. Chances are low someone I know from work will see me.
Typical micromanaging shit at workplaces in rural areas. Save a bit more and move somewhere else. That’s pawahara. If it’s non-work, you are free to do anything. Lawyer up haha
Unfortunately this happens, we (Eikaiwa teachers) had a habit of grabbing a quick beer at the convenience store after work to decompress in the park after a long day. Students mentioned it to the boss, boss issued mandate. No public drinking. (Which is legal in Japan)
Bide your time and find another job!
She thinks she owns you.
Of course Japanese people buy all the same food and drink as you did.
(I’ve been here in Japan a long time).
You need to be happy to be a good teacher.
Your own life is yours to control.
Get. Fuuuuucked.
~Not OP to his boss.
Seriously though I’d have been laughing my ass off. Just keep doing what you want to do in your free time.
If you can find another job, do so secretly and suddenly out of the blue quit your current job with, ‘im ashamed to say that I can’t uphold the public image of the school 24/7, just like you told me that one time I bought beer for my friends’ while smirking. 👍 Fuck I’d LOVE to be you in that situation. Small town with not many foreigners? Enjoy finding a replacement, crazy person.
Your boss sounds completely deranged. If she is really this unreasonable, threats of going to the labor board may not sway her, and she could still tell you that you are fired. You need to have a contingency plan ready in case that happens, since labor cases can take a good long while to resolve and you may have to remain unemployed for the duration.
If she does fire you, you will be eligible for unemployment payments. After reporting the case to the labor office, the Hello Work office should be your next stop. It might not be much money (how much depends on a lot of different factors) but it can tide you over while you make some hard decisions about what to do next.
If she really is the only employer in your area, you might want to start job searching elsewhere now. You may not have a choice. Unemployment may not be enough to live on or enough to last while your case is resolved.
Maybe a sign that it’s time to take that plane home and stay yhere? ‘No need to fire me… I quit!’
I had lotsa these little moments at my small-town eikaiwa. All I can say is that the gaijinpot forums were far less sympathetic to those who posted about their struggles so I just bottled it up. Fortunately eikaiwa wages were a little better back then so I had ~2,000,000 yen to help me find my feet post-eikaiwa.
If weird BS’s happening and you’ve been there for 4 years already then it’s time to start moving on IMO.
Do again and let her actually fire you. Then sue her. Get a cash settlement and move on to greener pastures. She’ll 100000% lose a case like this.
You are absolutely within your rights to do retail purchases on your own time if you’re legally allowed to buy what you’re buying.
Your boss is insane and if you bend to this, there’s no telling what other demands they’ll make against your free will and free time.
Just a micro managing bitch boss. She probably has no control of her life so she wants to control yours.
Tolerate it or move on to greener pastures.
People who say to lawyer up is not wrong but too much hassle. Just tell her it’s illegal to fire you for that reason and if they fire you, go collect unemployment on their dime.
I live in a small city so less drama, but been in a similar situation.
Don’t lawyer up. This is too petty and it won’t work the way you think.
Don’t confront, it’ll feed your boss’s ego and make things worse. She’s already breaking a few Japanese norms by relying on metaphorical upskirting.
Do smile, nod, understand your boss’s position etc and actively develop your escape plan secretly. It’s workplace abuse and the best way to deal with it is leave with smiles all round. There’s a huge shortage of teachers after the pandemic – work is everywhere. Hell, unqualified people are teaching in Universities around my area.
But in ANY Japanese town or village this is creepy regardless. Most locals would agree.
This “you represent the company/school at all times” speech is quite common and frankly, it’s dumb as f*ck.
I used to say “ok, sorry” and don’t change whatsoever until they just quit nagging me.
Whatever she says to you holds as much value as you give to it, but if it was written you have to take it more seriously. I don’t think it’s time to lawyer up yet because you live in a rural town, you’ll just get a bad reputation.
I think the best play here is to just “ok sorry” and cool it down. If she comes back at you for the same thing over and over again then you can respond accordingly, maybe a casual “wasn’t tanking photos without consent illegal in Japan?” comment.
Just remember that in a rural town word goes by really fast and you don’t wanna be rude to somebody just because and you’ll be fine.
What are they complaining about, it’s not like you were eating ice cream or something. ^/s
This is not a workplace you should be working at.
Please start looking for a new job and change asap.
You are worth more.
Sorry to hear about this privacy breach, for starters the Students relatives are way too invasive, and they shouldn’t be taking pictures of you in your free time.
But i can see where this is coming from, living in a small community everything you do will be easily spotted. Working as a teacher often entails being a role model outside working hours, meaning, avoid smoking, drinking or showing off your tats nearby the premises. That varies depending on the school, at mine the students and staff knows about my tats but nothing happened.
Small communities are built on trust, so maybe some of the students parents needs to get to know you better so they can stop the nagging.
I’m telling you this just in case you wanna understand what’s going on instead of leaving. But yeah, they should meet you halfway, and the school should warn the parents about taking unsolicited pictures of you.
go to your boss’ house and ask to rifle thru the fridge and pantry to learn what’s “appropriate” – while you’re at it, go thru the whole house. might as well check decor, wardrobe, and other daily items, too! when boss starts screaming about privacy, whip out a camera and take photos of everything while saying “what? i thought this is how things are done around here?”
If I were you I would try to join the general union and and take this to the union. This seems like a cut and dry instance of power harassment.
Is it written anywhere in your contract? Better to check that first.
If it’s not, go look for counsel either at the labor board and/or your local free legal consult.
Also, people are taking pictures of you while you’re out and submitting them to the school? Is it stalking, or black mailing, is there a name for it? Anyway, you’ll want to mention that as well, because if anything, it could be taken as a form of harassment.
Even if you don’t have proof yet, I would file something with the labour board as proof that if they fire you, you can show you filed a complaint. Also definitely record any future meetings.
I experience the same as an ALT
Is this legal? No. You didn’t do anything illegal or that might reasonably be considered to reflect badly on the company.
Is it normal? Sadly, yes, this sort of thing is quite common.
This one is going to require a bit more explanation. You’ve doubtless heard of the saying, “The customer is always right”? Well in Japan that’s often carried to a ridiculous degree, particularly in small businesses.
From your boss’ perspective they’ve received a complaint from a customer about your behaviour. Is the complaint correct, reasonable, or even sane? See “The customer is always right” above? Yup. Your boss is treating the customer’s concern as valid even though it is (not to put too fine a point on it) utterly unreasonable. Because the customer is always right.
This is what you’re up against. Your boss clearly has this mindset.
Okay, now that we’ve got that out of the way, what should you do about this?
You have two routes:
1. Sit down with your boss and have a heart-to-heart. First validate their feelings. You understand that your boss is a small business owner afraid of losing a customer. Then flip it around and talk about your feelings. You don’t enjoy threats. You felt harassed. You understand their concerns and fears, but what they did was unacceptable. Losing one customer is bad, but you want them to pause and consider how this makes you feel about your job and affects your job performance when you’re always nervous about an unreasonable customer stalking you outside of work. It’s better to lose one unreasonable customer than to have an unhappy employee who is dealing with **all their customers** and who might quit at any time because of this and make **all their customers** unhappy. End by saying that again, you understand where they’re coming from, but dealing with difficult customers is **their job – it’s why they take more than half the fee for lessons.** You do your job. They need to do theirs.
2. Bow, apologise, say you won’t do it again. Proceed to do whatever you want. Rinse and repeat. They’re not going to fire you, because that would mean a lot more unhappy customers as lessons are cancelled and they lose a mass of money. They know this. You know this.
Obviously #2 is a lot easier and less stressful. Remember that the key to an “apology” in Japan is to sound sincere and avoid laughing in their face while you do it. Ultimately this is about your boss trying to appease a customer, and being able to say, “I told the employee off and they apologised.”
You may want to brush off your resume though and start looking into other places to work with a boss who understand that actually they didn’t have to say a word to you, and that just telling the person on the phone, “I told the employee off and they apologised” without even talking to you would have avoided a lot of bad feelings, made the customer feel validated and important, and achieved a far more positive result with about 99% less effort and 100% less drama.
Japan takes some getting used to. Some years ago I was in a nice shopping area in Tokyo. There was a candy/ice cream shop (no places to sit, only takeaway). I bought a small ice cream cone and started eating it as I walked outside. I got lots of stink-eye from others (for eating while walking). There was literally no other option. Why did the store sell ice cream cones if it was a faux pas to eat it? I just smiled and ignored them. Another stupid gaijin.
This kind of behavior by bosses is so irritating. I lived in the countryside in Hokkaido for a few years and I had my bosses always commenting on the food or drinks I bought at the one local supermarket or single conbini. I ended up shopping in the next biggest city, about a 45 minute drive away (this was 20 years ago so not much online shopping at the time). I will never work in such a place again.
The extra annoying thing is the hypocrisy. I went on a school trip once and I joined all the teachers for a work dinner. One of the teachers was absent, and I asked where he was. All of the teachers I was with – including the vice principal – proceeded to laugh about how Takahashi-sensei always likes to hit up the local soaplands when traveling. They were laughing it up like it was no big deal that the married father of three teacher skipped out on a work dinner to go to the soaplands. That’s just Takahashi-sensei!, they all laughed.
But if I bought some beer or snacks on Friday night, what horror and shame I brought to the school!
After that I saved up and left and will never return to such a situation.
Just for the sake of it. Buy that stuff again, and the moment you enter work, start recording on your phone. Any meeting or conversations will be recorded, anything else immediately ask for it in writing.
Once you received it in writing, make a copy of it and keep it. Scan it and mail it to you or something.
Yes. That’s Labor violation right there. They cannot issue orders which affect your private life in that manner, particularly on items you buy at the store.
I agree that you should probably tell her that unless she would like to explain this to a labor bureau rep where it says in your contract that she can do that, you are going to continue buying what you like at the store.
Next, if you enjoy a full time contract, if she fires you for this, then she better be ready to pay you for the rest of your contract.
Again though, I can’t stress this enough, call your LB. Discuss it with them because at least they can help you out better than a Reddit post.