Realization.

I started learning Japanese sometime last year, I am still nowhere, And I know why now.

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This is to explain what I did wrong to help others not make these mistakes.

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I’ve had a lot of trouble learning. Not because I struggle to learn new things, or a lack of resources. Turns out this is a multitude of problems. I am un willing to commit, I always slack off. Sure, I tried to incorporate learning into the background (Working on vocabulary while playing a game at the same time). But I never just sat down and learned doing nothing else but learning. I’ve been doing the bare minimum. I also made excuses and believed them. I learned hiragana and some vocabulary but I wouldn’t let myself touch kanji. “We’ll I’ve gotten out of anime and Japanese media in the last year so what’s the point in learning?”, “I think I should learn Russian, I’ll be able to use it more.”, “I can’t find anything that works for how I like to learn.”. Excuse after excuse, I kept telling people this just trying to quit. But I just couldn’t for some reason. I don’t know why but, It felt Like I couldn’t leave or stop. I don’t know why. I felt like maybe I’d be letting someone down. But I was doing this for me? I had no one to impress. I barely told anyone I was getting into this either. I realized who I was letting down. Myself. I couldn’t quit because I’d be letting myself down. I knew I couldn’t give up. And I just wasn’t able to let go. I tried to make myself move on, but I could never do it. And I’m glad I didn’t.

A fried of mine once said to me: “When something is getting harder, it means you’re getting better.”. I’d never thought of it this way. It being harder just meant I had surpassed my current level, it’s hard because it’s new and you’re not used it. Kanji wasn’t hard because it’s hard. It’s because it’s new to me. I didn’t want to do it cause it would take a long time. I kept being impatient. I kept trying to find work arounds and constantly ask questions I already knew the answer to, just hoping I could work around it and short cut it out of laziness. A friend once shared a quote with me, “Failure is not where you’ve fallen, but where you’ve fallen and haven’t gotten back up.”. I wasn’t getting back up. I just laid there, not getting up. I wouldn’t let myself get up.

Did I fail at learning Japanese? No, I failed myself. Because I didn’t want to challenge myself and leave my comfort zone I failed. All I had to do was get up and continue, but I wouldn’t.

What have I learned? Excuses, being lazy, not getting up, trying to run away from it, whining, asking things I know the answer and giving up, will never get me anywhere. I realized that I do this for so much, so many things I do I try and escape it. I’m tired of it.

From now on I’m going to face things head on, no more running. I’m going to start my journey again. I’m going back the beginning, I will learn hiragana again, Then I’ll start kanji and katakana. There’s no more running, I’m facing it head on. There’s no more trying, just doing.

What led to this realization? Yesterday I read a kanji. I read 私. I was just able to read it somehow. I felt a sense of pride and realized “I can do this”. I never felt like I was getting anywhere. But after reading that kanji, I knew I was going to get it. And I realized what I’d done. And now I’ve gotten up.

You haven’t failed. Japanese isn’t hard. It’s the change that is. It’s only hard for you because it’s new. Don’t give up, get back up. You can do this. You will succeed! Good luck everyone! You hard work **will** payoff. Have faith in yourself, and get back up.