Not sure if this is an appropriate question for this sub but anyway.
I’ve dating a Japanese woman who moved to my home country about a year ago. Last week I brought her to my parents house to introduce them.
After we left she commented that houses here still surprise her with their size and how even as young children everyone gets their own bedroom etc.
She had explained that growing up, she shared a room for sleeping with her parents (doubled as the living room when futons were away), whilst her older brother used the other room as a bedroom, and this was until she graduated university and moved out of home.
I’m know living space is at premium in Japanese cities, but was wondering is this common? I don’t want to say something rude or insensitive if it was a case that her family were struggling financially.
Any insight would be great, thank you!
https://www.reddit.com/r/japan/comments/171w7ml/question_about_japanese_sleepingliving/
15 comments
I own a three bedroom apartment where I live with my wife and two children (ages 11 and 10). Ostensibly we have a master bedroom for my wife and I and then each child has their own room with their own bed.
What actually happens is that I sleep alone in the master bedroom, my two children sleep in my sons room with a futon on the floor beside the bed, and my wife floats around between the pile of children in my sons room or on her own in my daughter’s room.
So your girlfriend’s experience is not uncommon. Especially in the winter it’s more economical to heat one bedroom that’s full of people (central heating isn’t really a thing here). Similar in the summer, cheaper to run the AC in one room overnight. Especially these days with energy prices what they are.
Not uncommon even in wealthy households. It’s why love hotels exist.
Many families sleep together – so this is not a situation of financial troubles.
I have 4 bedrooms, but everyone (me, husband, 2 kids) sleeps in the same room. My in-laws have 6 bedrooms, but almost everyone sleep together in the living room lmao, now that I typed it out like this it does sound a bit strange 😂
I have a large three bedroom apartment in Japan and 2 kids. Once the first kid was born the wife moved into the first kid’s bedroom until #2 was required to be made. Late in pregnancy with #2 the wife moved out to the tatami room where she slept with #1 and #2 until they wanted their own rooms. She remains there until this day. #2 is now 15.
I’ve heard everything from that to *literally* everyone gets their own room, including the spouses, which surprised me bc in my country that’s a huge sign of marriage problems lol
Have a 4 Bedroom house. Kids have their own rooms, and the wife and I have a bedroom. We have never slept together, and we never will. That is why we bought a big house.
In the past it was quite common too in Europe to sleep all together in one room because of space and keeping each other warm. Only rich people had their own room and husband and wife usually had separate bedrooms too because they could. The sleeping in one bed as a couple was ‘invented’ more for practical then romantic reasons by common people. Actually this is the set up in our house too. Me, my husband and our child all have our own room. We like having our own space, husband and child sleep early and I’m by nature a night owl that barely goes to sleep before midnight.
Yeah it’s very common. I’ve heard multiple people say it’s the way they grew up and that sleeping without your kids in the room is weird even if you have multiple bedrooms, because the kids will be lonely or something.
Also when I looked it up the statistics say around 90% of households sleep together at least until children are at least age 3, and mentioned western families not doing this as a bizarre foreign culture fact
Not uncommon, but it’s also common to have your own bedrooms. My wife and her sister both had their own bedrooms with western beds while growing up in the late 1980s in Japan. At my sister-in-laws house her daughters share a bedroom, her son has his own room and the parents have a room.
Sometimes, it may be space is at a premium and it sounds like maybe she is from Tokyo or another larger city where houses and space are smaller. I would not really chalk it up to a financial issue, it’s more just sleeping arrangements vary quite a bit more in Japan.
Yokohama. Growing up my family could be considered upper middle class but I never had my own room until after my grand parents passed. Now I live alone but my brother’s family (him, his wife and 2 younger children) sleeps in one room and I don’t think of him as poor at all.
Are you calling her a liar? Why are you double checking this is true rather than ask her questions like ‘is this common? Is it an economic thing? Does it get awkward? Is it a regional thing? Is it a space thing?
Literally have a massive source of I for dating you and you’re like’ huh, better ask all the white people on reddit to confirm’
LPT:
If you see a long term future between you two and kids in it, clarify if she wants to do the co-sleeping thing with her kids.
You might look at a dead bedroom future if she insists on doing the thing that she grew up with. A tale as old as time, better clarify beforehand!
yes it’s very common.
My wife slept with her sister until she went to Uni, because her flat was not big enough. Now her parents have bought a nice individual house in a very nice area and even then the number of bedrooms is super limited. Note that they don’t live in the countryside but near Tokyo. Probably explains the limited size.
When she saw that my parents’ house was big enough for 6 kids to have their own bedroom, her mind was blown.