I’ve been in Japan for four years now and slowly I have lost touch with all my friends back home. I realize it is, out-of-sight out-of-mind, but its a little depressing. What do you do to keep in touch with people? Are you always the instigator?
Various friend chat groups on various messaging apps keeps the communication open since it’s not often directed at any specific person.
Chat groups, regular calls, etc. personally I’ve been most successful with a regular schedule rather than relying on us all to “call when we feel like it”. Making a regular night where you play games together online (party games or video games or whatever) or watch the same movie, or do some other type of activity together over a call is a great way to make time to spend together.
I only keep in regular contact with my very close friends and family, for others I don’t bother and it’s just a chat every now and then maybe. For my very close friends we’re all in group chats on Messenger and conversations and calls happen every few days from all of us.
I don’t 😂 it’s been about 5 years since I saw any of my family. I call my parents about once a month and call my grandma every week. Other than that, that’s about it.
Funny thing is that friends and relatives at home almost never instigate so I pretty much gave up. Friends from home that I met here and went back chat almost daily. No explanation for that… 🤔
I call my folks every Sunday using Line. Their internet sucks and it’s like calling a distant outpost, but we chat for maybe 10 or 20 minutes every week. My sisters and have a group line chat, so we kind of keep each other in touch. For drinks, it’s harder. I usually use messenger to contact them. Sometimes go months without saying hello though.
What I learned is that
The people that really care about you and that you care about. You don’t necessarily need to keep in touch. I call my closest friends maybe twice a year. And when we meet it’s like time hasn’t passed, always a blast and we can hangout for days on end.
True friendship never dies. Like for reals.
I do send cards to some people sometimes if I feel bad.
I have 3 group chats, 1 with high school friends, 1 for fantasy football (made up of other high school friends, college friends, and cousins), and 1 with friends I met going to shows (3/4 are in a band together). There’s also the one with my parents and siblings, but I mostly just respond to that or send memes to poke fun at them lol
I gave up Facebook and felt like this about friends in general. if you are not in Facebook, you don’t exist.
Thankfully I have me imaginary friend. And beer.
I don’t want to sound like a boring old fart, but it used to involve buying a stamp and writing a letter.
Now I live in the age of flying cars and hoverboards, I use WhatsApp, except for one elderly relative who collects stamps…
Facebook. I’m surprised it’s still a thing with people back home since it’s mostly garbage now, but it works well enough for what I need it for.
I call my parents once or twice and month and we message a lot on WhatsApp. Same with my sister and my best friend. For the other relatives and friends, we use chat once in a while.
I still do wordle and send results back and forth with a friend, and it kinda prompts more casual catch ups, like “how’s your day/week been?”
I’ve been here 16 years. I’ve lost all of my friends back home, and my family back home is dwindling.
Been here for 15 years. Even my mother forgot about me. It sucks.
Get them on Line… I’ve lived here over 25 years and I talk to my two main best friends back home almost daily and my other best friendly probably once a week.
I’ve found that the friends from back home who I stay in regular contact with are the ones who game, we have common discord servers and play together a few times a week. My family members I text a few times a week probably, talk on video maybe once a month. Other friends from back home can go months without talking. But when we meet up it’s like no time has passed at all.
RCS messaging on Android, Google Voice, Instagram, and Google Meet.
The harsh reality is that people move on with their lives without you. Slowly you’ll get forgotten about the longer you are in Japan. That the way things are unfortunately.
I’m known for disappearing for a while and coming back like nothing happened so it’s easy for me. I just wish my friends a happy birthday or comment on their photos online to let them know I’m alive and I still want to be friends with them.
Family by Line once a week. Technology is so awesome nowadays. When I came to Japan, I bought an International calling card for 1000yen and I used it at a payphone where I could talk to my folks for up to 30min lol
Friends I send emails twice a year but more often when a trip home is coming near. We are a bunch of dudes. Dudes aren’t that aggressive to email guy friends in the first place.
I hate being the instigator, but I think it’s the same for everyone. Ultimately no one communicates, but when I go back, we all hang out like usual. I’m just not a regular communicator and most of my friends expect that from me.
However, last time I went back, I started a group chat with some of my friends and we’ll occasionally still send random messages. And with another friend, I asked to start a book club and we gathered a 3rd friend, so now we just have a Discord group and every week we meet up if no one is busy. I will say it’s definitely harder for me to keep in touch if we don’t have a common hobby anymore.
For me, it’s by going back to visit twice a year combined with video chats and family that visit me here every so often that maintains a sense of closeness. Regular plane trips are probably not financially realistic for some, especially in this economy, but I don’t regret the money spent when it means that I’ve had many precious moments with family and friends even during my 7 years in Japan
Chat apps and phone calls.
I’ve been in Japan for the same amount of time as you and the same has happened to me. Only keep in touch with my siblings on a daily basis and my parents once or twice a week.
Distance will just show you who your real friends are
Discord and video games. I reconnected with a lot of friends like that.
Discord with friends (we’re all gamers).
Facebook/Instagram Messenger with family.
If distance ends your so called friendships they were never really true friendships.
If I don’t make the effort to contact, then there is no contact. Nobody can be bothered to take 30 seconds to google the time difference to know when to call, so they just don’t.
The only friends and family I have regular contact with are gamers since it’s easy to jump in discord and chat and game once a week or whatever.
In my first 2ish years here, I made a regular effort to call people once a month, and then I noticed nobody reciprocated. So I started letting the gaps get bigger and bigger, and now often go 6+ months without phone calls to parents. Then when I call, it’s always “It’s been so long, why haven’t you called?”
MF’er, your fingers ain’t broke.
I don’t.
I don’t. We just see each other when I go back. No false pretences of “oh I’ve always wanted to visit japan” anymore. They’ve settled and the reality is priorities change when kids are in the mix. If they are real friends, this is fine – if they aren’t, then they are nice memories to hold.
Call my parents every week on Skype. Go back to visit 1-2x/year. Meet up with all friends then. Invited friends and family to visit me
I don’t keep in touch much with people back home.
I am friends with them because of the same interests and common activities. Since I am in Japan, we no longer have things in common.
Same like elementary school friends, high school friends etc. Maybe we occasionally comment on each other’s insta stories but that’s it.
A secret of adulting is you need to learn how to make friends wherever you go and learn how to let go. I think some people have too much attachment at home it is hard for them to make friends in new place (and also comparing it to homecountry).
Anyway the challenge would be keeping in touch with friends in the same city.
I invited a friend of mine for coffee or yakiniku monthly to catch up on life or work.
I am also in a group chat with another circle, we post things that are funny or interesting.
I am in a group chat with my family but I don’t talk much. Occasionally my folks ask how I was doing.
I might visit my sibling in another city every 6 months.
35 comments
The internet, Al Gore invented it.
Various friend chat groups on various messaging apps keeps the communication open since it’s not often directed at any specific person.
Chat groups, regular calls, etc. personally I’ve been most successful with a regular schedule rather than relying on us all to “call when we feel like it”. Making a regular night where you play games together online (party games or video games or whatever) or watch the same movie, or do some other type of activity together over a call is a great way to make time to spend together.
I only keep in regular contact with my very close friends and family, for others I don’t bother and it’s just a chat every now and then maybe. For my very close friends we’re all in group chats on Messenger and conversations and calls happen every few days from all of us.
I don’t 😂 it’s been about 5 years since I saw any of my family. I call my parents about once a month and call my grandma every week. Other than that, that’s about it.
Funny thing is that friends and relatives at home almost never instigate so I pretty much gave up. Friends from home that I met here and went back chat almost daily. No explanation for that… 🤔
I call my folks every Sunday using Line. Their internet sucks and it’s like calling a distant outpost, but we chat for maybe 10 or 20 minutes every week.
My sisters and have a group line chat, so we kind of keep each other in touch.
For drinks, it’s harder. I usually use messenger to contact them. Sometimes go months without saying hello though.
What I learned is that
The people that really care about you and that you care about. You don’t necessarily need to keep in touch. I call my closest friends maybe twice a year. And when we meet it’s like time hasn’t passed, always a blast and we can hangout for days on end.
True friendship never dies. Like for reals.
I do send cards to some people sometimes if I feel bad.
I have 3 group chats, 1 with high school friends, 1 for fantasy football (made up of other high school friends, college friends, and cousins), and 1 with friends I met going to shows (3/4 are in a band together). There’s also the one with my parents and siblings, but I mostly just respond to that or send memes to poke fun at them lol
I gave up Facebook and felt like this about friends in general. if you are not in Facebook, you don’t exist.
Thankfully I have me imaginary friend. And beer.
I don’t want to sound like a boring old fart, but it used to involve buying a stamp and writing a letter.
Now I live in the age of flying cars and hoverboards, I use WhatsApp, except for one elderly relative who collects stamps…
Facebook. I’m surprised it’s still a thing with people back home since it’s mostly garbage now, but it works well enough for what I need it for.
I call my parents once or twice and month and we message a lot on WhatsApp. Same with my sister and my best friend. For the other relatives and friends, we use chat once in a while.
I still do wordle and send results back and forth with a friend, and it kinda prompts more casual catch ups, like “how’s your day/week been?”
I’ve been here 16 years. I’ve lost all of my friends back home, and my family back home is dwindling.
Been here for 15 years. Even my mother forgot about me. It sucks.
Get them on Line… I’ve lived here over 25 years and I talk to my two main best friends back home almost daily and my other best friendly probably once a week.
I’ve found that the friends from back home who I stay in regular contact with are the ones who game, we have common discord servers and play together a few times a week. My family members I text a few times a week probably, talk on video maybe once a month. Other friends from back home can go months without talking. But when we meet up it’s like no time has passed at all.
RCS messaging on Android, Google Voice, Instagram, and Google Meet.
The harsh reality is that people move on with their lives without you. Slowly you’ll get forgotten about the longer you are in Japan. That the way things are unfortunately.
I’m known for disappearing for a while and coming back like nothing happened so it’s easy for me. I just wish my friends a happy birthday or comment on their photos online to let them know I’m alive and I still want to be friends with them.
Family by Line once a week. Technology is so awesome nowadays. When I came to Japan, I bought an International calling card for 1000yen and I used it at a payphone where I could talk to my folks for up to 30min lol
Friends I send emails twice a year but more often when a trip home is coming near. We are a bunch of dudes. Dudes aren’t that aggressive to email guy friends in the first place.
I hate being the instigator, but I think it’s the same for everyone. Ultimately no one communicates, but when I go back, we all hang out like usual. I’m just not a regular communicator and most of my friends expect that from me.
However, last time I went back, I started a group chat with some of my friends and we’ll occasionally still send random messages. And with another friend, I asked to start a book club and we gathered a 3rd friend, so now we just have a Discord group and every week we meet up if no one is busy. I will say it’s definitely harder for me to keep in touch if we don’t have a common hobby anymore.
For me, it’s by going back to visit twice a year combined with video chats and family that visit me here every so often that maintains a sense of closeness. Regular plane trips are probably not financially realistic for some, especially in this economy, but I don’t regret the money spent when it means that I’ve had many precious moments with family and friends even during my 7 years in Japan
Chat apps and phone calls.
I’ve been in Japan for the same amount of time as you and the same has happened to me. Only keep in touch with my siblings on a daily basis and my parents once or twice a week.
Distance will just show you who your real friends are
Discord and video games. I reconnected with a lot of friends like that.
Discord with friends (we’re all gamers).
Facebook/Instagram Messenger with family.
If distance ends your so called friendships they were never really true friendships.
If I don’t make the effort to contact, then there is no contact. Nobody can be bothered to take 30 seconds to google the time difference to know when to call, so they just don’t.
The only friends and family I have regular contact with are gamers since it’s easy to jump in discord and chat and game once a week or whatever.
In my first 2ish years here, I made a regular effort to call people once a month, and then I noticed nobody reciprocated. So I started letting the gaps get bigger and bigger, and now often go 6+ months without phone calls to parents. Then when I call, it’s always “It’s been so long, why haven’t you called?”
MF’er, your fingers ain’t broke.
I don’t.
I don’t. We just see each other when I go back. No false pretences of “oh I’ve always wanted to visit japan” anymore. They’ve settled and the reality is priorities change when kids are in the mix. If they are real friends, this is fine – if they aren’t, then they are nice memories to hold.
Call my parents every week on Skype. Go back to visit 1-2x/year. Meet up with all friends then. Invited friends and family to visit me
I don’t keep in touch much with people back home.
I am friends with them because of the same interests and common activities. Since I am in Japan, we no longer have things in common.
Same like elementary school friends, high school friends etc.
Maybe we occasionally comment on each other’s insta stories but that’s it.
A secret of adulting is you need to learn how to make friends wherever you go and learn how to let go.
I think some people have too much attachment at home it is hard for them to make friends in new place (and also comparing it to homecountry).
Anyway the challenge would be keeping in touch with friends in the same city.
I invited a friend of mine for coffee or yakiniku monthly to catch up on life or work.
I am also in a group chat with another circle, we post things that are funny or interesting.
I am in a group chat with my family but I don’t talk much.
Occasionally my folks ask how I was doing.
I might visit my sibling in another city every 6 months.