Hello.
This is a throwaway account.
Almost on a daily basis there are divorce posts here, and soon I’ll be joining that community too.
As a man that is not the main breadwinner, and without a property (my soon ex-wife is both), the lawyer has told me that the chances of losing my kid are big.
Also, to make it worse, my PR just got denied.
So, I would like to know how is life for those who lost their kids to their (Japanese) ex’s.
Do you see your kids?
Did you go back to your county?
How are your days?
My kid is still 4 and I have spent much more time that my partner with him. I don’t know how to face life without living with him.
Thank you for reading.
6 comments
I’m not in that community but I think there are some supprt-type groups on Facebook you could check out. Check the previous threads.
Is there really no way to convince your soon to be ex wife that it is in the best interests of your child that you are involved 50/50? Show her the statistics of life outcomes of children who grow up without their fathers.
That should convince any reasonable person.
Did your lawyer suggest visitation mediation?
While it may not be likely you would be granted custody, you should still be entitled to visitation. Usually, if you didn’t abuse the kid, they would let you start off with once a month visitation. Then you may be able to petition for more time like twice a month up to like 6 hours at a time or so.
Visitation while not criminally enforced, would allow you to see the child with the threat of your ex partner being fined hefty amounts of they refused.
So, if you’re broke and moving out to a crappy one-room apartment you have no chance.
Sadly, money makes the difference here…
I have my three kids 5 nights, and their mother takes them two nights… but I moved out in 2020 to an apartment that I set up with bedrooms for all the kids, and I took care of 100% of the childcare. This was only possible because I went online for nearly two years due to corona. I managed to hold out till the youngest was in elementary, so now all three walk to school together and I can get to work on time. Then they stay in gakudo til I finish work and pick them up.
I continue to pay all her bills including car, phone and rent… and the minute I stop paying her father has threatened to get lawyers and take the kids away. I’m pretty sure they’d win, so I continue to pay…
My plan is to hold out til either kids are in high school or her father dies.
Umm, so my advice is… try to sort out a nice apartment where your son will want to spend time. Make sure you keep up your financial support, and don’t even try to date because it will just give her more ammunition.
An acquaintance divorced and has no visitation rights for son. Acquaintance is not a kind person and he’s been using women to share rent and find the right one to give him a spousal visa. Works as a chef at some bar on weekends and teaches English during weekdays. Has no intention of returning to home country and wants to wait until son is of legal age to reunite.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I was forced into this situation when my Japanese husband suddenly took my then at the time 2 yr old.
Just one day gone. Took everything from the home.
I fought in court but my husband had been planning and under instruction of a lawyer for about a year.
Under the guise of helping me with childcare, he was slowly building a custody track record to win custody.
Mediators, family court investigators , and the judge took pity on me because after about a year of family court I proved that he had been abusive for years and still very much a liar with zero friends and family for a reason, it was too late.
She’d already been in his care for over a year without any problems so the “principle of continuity” is coming into play. But to be honest, Japanese courts have zero power. They couldn’t take her from him even if they wanted to because he had proven to be mentally unstable and would hurt my child to “win” custody.
So, on top of a traumatic marriage, I am losing my baby.
He only let me meet 1hr a month to effectively alienate me and dominate custody.
After the investigation concluded and the courts took pity, I was granted 3hrs, one day a week.
We are still in mediation, but unless my stbxh royally messes up (child abuse, hospitalization, dies) he will literally win custody and I lose out on 16 yrs of my baby’s life.
It’s hell. It’s torture. And I’m torn between never giving up and giving up everything, moving on, and having another child. Japanese society promotes the former…
I have to ask for permission to give gifts, and we can’t leave the visitation facility due to his own paranoia that I’m going to do the same thing to him that he did to me. I could no longer suddenly attend nursery school events, and it’s like I literally never had a child.
My child no longer speaks English but at least recognizes me as “mama”.
I’m lucky than most that this happens to because most can’t meet their children at all or eventually the child refuses to do visitation anymore.
I’m in a group with Japanese women who have also lost custody, and their story is worse than mine and we all just endure and lay in waiting hoping one day the child comes back to us.
Sorry for the long read, but I hope this helps someone.
I never thought this would happen to me because i thought I did everything right, but the single custody incites this behavior because no one wants to be cut from their child’s life, so you literally have to turn your spouse into a villain to win custody, and lawyers too support taking the child away because it gives you the most advantage in the court (also, did you know lawyers get a percent of child support until the child turns 18?).
So, every visitation is bittersweet. Once the courts are out of the picture and the verdict is handed down, there’s nothing stopping my husband from moving to Siberia with our child and me trailing after hoping to stay in there life.