Just kind of a weird thing I’ve noticed, would be curious to hear others’ experiences/insights.
I’ve lived here nearly half my life (and I’m old!), but a few years ago I reluctantly installed LINE because it was clear, even then, that it was a quintessential communication platform in Japan. I still kinda hate it, but I recognize its utility.
Anyway, now and again, I’ll meet Japanese people IRL, talk a bit, and exchange LINE IDs. Approximately 85% of the time, it’s the OTHER party’s suggestion.
And then, we’ll chat two or three times, and then they go COMPLETELY dark. It’s REALLY common, in my experience… Be they male, female, old, young, whatever.
I’m not, like, skeevy or anything… And honestly, a lot of the time it feels like they just want free English practice or what have you.
But why go to the trouble of “friending” someone, exchanging a few chats, and then essentially ghosting?
I guess what I’m asking is whether this is a cultural thing, or a generational thing?
(And, no, before anyone asks, I’m not, like asking for, nor providing unsolicited dick pics or anything)
28 comments
After the social media and Wi-Fi boom of the 00’s and 10’s EVERYONE became instantly connected and reachable 24/7 and it was exciting and fun. For a while. Nowadays, as mental health and social batteries become a more spoken about topic openly it’s more common for people to switch off and prefer to be unreachable. A lot of people actively do not respond or delay responses for days and days and I think it’s more of a good thing than bad. There used to be, and to some extent still is, an expectation that a person be reachable and to be replied to instantly but it’s becoming less and less common. I’m also a person that will reply and converse when I have the energy to do so and if I don’t then I won’t. And if another person gets ticked off at that then I think of it as their problem rather than mine. Anyway that was a bit of a long winded reply, but that’s how I think about it. Of course you also do get just random assholes that can’t be bothered with someone anymore and was just being polite and then ghosts them haha. Take from all that what you will.
It’s basically the usual 飲みに行こう! But the 行こう never happens kind of thing. Don’t overthink it, just forget and move on.
I would say they add you out of politeness, maybe cause they dont know what else to talk about, to move this issue to a later point in time, in the sense of „let us talk later on LINE“.
Instagram if you want to stay connected.
LINE to connect just in case next year blah blah, or for business
Why not? If you are not particularly interested in a person then you move on unless there’s a reason to reach out
Nearly half your life in Japan, and you still don’t know how typical Japanese behave?
It’s kind of like exchanging instagram or snapchat in the west, where it’s just something you do even if you don’t intend to talk to or be good friends with the other person. For this exact reason whenever someone who i know i won’t be close with asks for my socials i just say i don’t use them. With line though it’s better to see it as a sort of email, where you would have tons of people added but rarely talk to each other, rather than a big social platform where you’re constantly engaging with each other
I feel like it’s just kinda like giving out a business card almost. Or how giving out your number whatever was back in the day. Just to kind of introduce yourself and have some like of contact if you needed it in the future. Not necessarily because they want to be your best friend and talk every day or something
People collect LINE contacts like Pokémon.
I ghost too
I don’t think it’s social media fatigue as it was the common way to use Line even at the very start, essentially it’s just like exchanging numbers and you send a sticker to make sure you added the right person (back when they did the “shake your phone” pairing you could occasionally get matched up with the wrong person if you were in a crowded building) , then unless there’s a specific reason to or they happen to be a very chatty person chances are you’ll just sit there until there is something specific
Just tell them タピ行ぜ〜！！(let’s go get tapioca, JP slang)
Sorry. This in no way answers your question. But I’m just waiting for the day when line is actually good. It’s still so crap for how popular it is. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I hope Yahoo makes it better. The fact that Yahoo might be in a position to make something better is an amazing thing to ponder.
nah. just bad etiquette in using messenger.
my friend also caught this disease even though he is male.
your time is not as important compared to theirs so they will reply on their terms.
Ever exchanged business cards because it felt necessary? How many did you ever actually use?
The cynic in me says some people collect so many LINE contacts just in case they find themselves in a situation where they need you/your expertise/your contacts 🙂
It’s called 社交辞令. One of the many things that make the world go around in Japan.
It’s very common. Don’t worry about it.
I just ignore those offers. I don’t find the service useful enough to be able to be contacted on it. I used to use it fairly extensively but I find it not as functional compared to Slack, Discord, WhatsApp etc. Now I just tell them I don’t use it / have it installed.
Honest question, are they often inebriated when they suggest? Because that is often a reason for that behavior anywhere. When tipsy, people want to be friends with everyone. When they sober up, they don’t exactly remember why they wanted to become friends, but will still reply a bit to be polite.
It just feels normal and more “free” to not contact people often on my devices. I only ever use LINE frequently to stay in touch with my wife throughout the work day. On weekends, I barely touch it. I might get the odd text message from JP friends inviting me to hang out and I’ll reply to those. But yeah 社交辞令 or lip service/practicing diplomacy. It’s kinda the same everywhere, not just Japan IMO.
Same in China and it really puzzles me. Also can’t understand this behavior
That’s perfectly normal. Make more friends/LINE contacts, and you’ll see.
Think it more like a “posting” and less like a “phone call”. If I really need to talk to someone immediately, I’ll call on LINE, but 99% of the time, a message will do. You also have to realize, some people may have 100’s of LINE connections, and they have RL things to do other than responding to you.
With messaging, you are deferring the urgency to the other person to decide.
People are just in the habit of collecting new people on as many platforms as possible. It’s socially polite but also makes the person feel ‘popular’ (or at the very least it beats opening up an app and having next to no contacts). It’s human nature.
It’s also just good to be in the habit of extending yourself outward. Of course it doesn’t mean you’ll ACTUALLY become friends but you never know.
If there’s sustenance to the interaction then it’ll happen naturally. If there isn’t and all you’re doing is having basic ‘get to know you’ chit chat, then it probably won’t.
Same goes with any platform, culture and country in the world.
LINE/Yahoo/Naver are the same company (Z Holdings) and they share your personal information like TikTok does. Your face, bank accounts, phonebook, location (GPS and motion), voices from microphone and text you type. I would like to put やばい on this point.
How interesting. Maybe I’ve become Japan’ised’ (been here almost half my life too) as I can’t say I have ever thought about it like that and just often swap line IDs and leave it at that.
Isn’t that just part of the way modern life is?
Like you have that persons number if you ever need it for some specific situation? I’m sure it was the same back home with Facebook back in the day.
I know Line has some social media type page on there aswell but I think everyone just ignores that and uses it for messaging.
TBH I’m also a bit guilty of the 飲み行こう thing. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s more of a hopefully we can sometime in the future thing.
It’s a polite gesture to exchange LINEs. They were probably not interested in staying in touch in the first place, or at the very least not interested in a texting buddy.
Tbh think of line exchanging more like business cards. You chat to someone when you want or need something from them, not just for the sake of chatting. Make explicit plans with it (let’s meet for this on this day at this time) or use it to ask questions about something, etc. I’m sure there are people out there who use it for actual chatting, but I think they’re relatively rare.