I’m non-binary with a traditionally masculine (but trending towards gender-neutral these days) Western name. I’m read as female more often than not (which is fine and not something I generally correct) but sometimes people don’t quite know how to parse my gender situation when they learn my name prior to meeting me (especially because my haircut also makes things more ambiguous). The reason why this matters with relation to learning Japanese is that I’m looking to meet with a tutor soon, and obviously they’ll know my name before anything else. I don’t have any plans to discuss my gender identity unless they ask, but it’s always a bit uncomfortable, and I’m undecided with how open I want to be if they do. From what I understand (and please correct me if I’m wrong), I’m not likely to be faced with outright bigotry, but since there’s less awareness around concepts of gender identity in Japan, it could still be a point of contention hypothetically. I guess my major questions/concerns are:
– How likely is it that I will be outright asked some variation of “Are you a man or a woman?”
– If I decide to be honest (“I don’t see myself fitting comfortably into either”) is there any major possibility of them finding me off-putting in such a way that would make them no longer want to work with me?
I don’t plan on letting this topic monopolize my lessons regardless, but I want to have some idea of what I could be in for. Thank you all in advance.
10 comments
in my experience hanging out with n-b people in Japan, Japanese ppl won’t usually ask, unless you get them drunk, but nor will they be outwardly phobic to you or not wish to work with you. At worst they’d find you “weird” (but wouldn’t say that outright) or think you’re doing something incomprehensibly Western and let you be.
They might be familiar with the term transgender (I remember people were just starting to learn what “LGBT” means, in the last few years before I left), and the term “X-gender” is a bit more common than “non-binary” over there.
They’ll probably just read you as one gender or the other, anyway. Same as western folk do.
oh also whether they read your name as male depends on how familiar they are with western names. Some people I taught could never remember which is which.
They’re all individuals, no one knows how each individual you encounter will respond to you.
There is this very good article I read on the subject: https://www.tofugu.com/japanese/queer-japanese/
Hello! Trans man (FTM) here. I studied abroad in the Tokyo area for a semester, and only two times did I get asked if I was a man or a woman because at the time, I had long hair and no beard. Once I answered male, the conversation went on as usual. Both of these instances were from older Japanese men, so I was surprised. I can’t answer your second question unfortunately, since I’m within the binary, but maybe someone else can help! Your mileage may vary depending on whom you talk to, but I never felt uncomfortable unless I had to go to the bathroom. Even then, I felt safer in the men’s bathroom in Japan than in the US
Gay man and tutor here –
As a tutor I’ve had my share of Queer students over the last 17-ish years. If your tutor has been in the game that long, you’d hardly be the first or last.
1) Most Japanese aren’t very straight forward with some questions and you can skirt around them. Having worked in Japanese schools for 3 years 2019-2022, there is education about Queer identity, so you’ll find understanding and acceptance. There is LGBTQIA+ bigotry in Japan, but you’re not going to get lynched.
2) If they did ask, and you have a good relationship (and they’re drunk) you may get some questions, but I don’t think they’d be avoiding you in the future. There may be some ignorance in the questions, so patience and whatnot is a virtue.
On a side note – very effeminate men are one of the desired types in Japan. People may read you as a man and roll with that.
Japanese as a language isn’t gendered the way European languages are. There are some differences in words a man or a woman might use, so that’s more about your choice about how you want to express yourself – like “boku” for “I” has a masculine sound, and “watakushi” would be more feminine. You can also just stick with the neutral “watashi” – you have choices.
Flip a coin, and stick with one for the session. No reason to make it harder on them or yourself. You’re paying them to teach you Japanese, that’s it.
Honestly with my experiences over there as a straight dude (travelled with various people of varying degrees of the gender spectrum) most people just don’t care. The gender identity might be a bit hard, but more often than not, they just won’t ask. And pronouns aren’t a huge thing there to begin with when having one on one conversation. They’ll generally just refer to you as X-san. Not a gendered form of ‘you’.
The Japanese people are very good at keeping their thoughts to themselves most of the time. They may think it’s weird by their standards, but I would be genuinely shocked if they gave any reaction outside of ‘okay’ and move on completely.
You aren’t going to be called anything derogatory, they aren’t going to treat you poorly, and I can say for certain that if you get an experienced tutor, you are not the first, nor last, non-binary person they will have experience with.
Non-binary here but haven’t lived in Japan. The wonderful thing about Japanese is that people hardly use gendered pronouns and you get to choose the gendered ‘I’ personal pronoun. People tend to view me as female so I use boku to sell a little more masculinity.
Most people I’ve come out to have been very accepting but haven’t asked questions. Some of my friends have come out to me as gay or bi, which is more widely accepted (at least with the younger generation), but the idea of nonbinary people is still a bit foreign to cis/het Japanese people especially.
A popular Japanese singer, Utada Hikaru, came out as nonbinary a few years ago but although they all know of them they hadn’t heard that news.
When I come out to people I use the word chuusei 中性 which, while not 100% accurate, is a word that they understand more readily than ノンバイナリ.
Non-binary here but haven’t lived in Japan. The wonderful thing about Japanese is that people hardly use gendered pronouns and you get to choose the gendered ‘I’ personal pronoun. People tend to view me as female so I use boku to sell a little more masculinity.
Most people I’ve come out to have been very accepting but haven’t asked questions. Some of my friends have come out to me as gay or bi, which is more widely accepted (at least with the younger generation), but the idea of nonbinary people is still a bit foreign to cis/het Japanese people especially.
A popular Japanese singer, Utada Hikaru, came out as nonbinary a few years ago but although they all know of them they hadn’t heard that news.
When I come out to people I use the word chuusei 中性 which, while not 100% accurate, is a word that they understand more readily than ノンバイナリ.