Yes very happy, yes have a kid, and no we don’t argue a lot because we make sure to talk it out before it gets to that point, and also talk about our triggers so that it doesn’t get to that point.
Happily married but no kids yet. We communicate a lot – he speaks fluent English
Very happy. 12 years together, 6 married. 1 kid. Both work full-time.
Both of us were 3rd culture kids of a kind, so we set our own household culture. This has helped us avoid a lot of the typical pitfalls of relationships in Japan. We are both clear communicators. Though we do have fights, he is much better at fighting clean, and I have learned from him.
Yes married with a baby. We argue, yes and fight, but always make sure to solve it, talk it out. I also come from a European country, that loves discussions. So for me it’s not really an argument lol Regardless of country marriage is compromise, sacrifice and communication.
Mostly happy, one kid. Definitely argued more after having a kid but have only had what I would consider real fights a handful of times and most of those were from me being burnt out with childcare.
Petty arguments are typical stuff that would happen anywhere in the world. Like I tell him a million times to sweep under the kitchen table after dinner the nights he’s on kitchen duty and tonight he forgot again. A tale as old as time.
Our first year of marriage and living together was the start of the freaking pandemic so that was tough. We were also living with my MIL at the time. She’s nice enough but it just felt extremely claustrophobic in general. Once we moved into our own house things improved a lot.
Also my husband is a priest and that is a whole other can of worms but suffice to say that took some getting used to.
Yes happy. Don’t argue very often. No kids and plan to stay that way, married almost 10 years
Married to Japanese man, been together 10 years and married for two of those, one kid (nearly 2) and one on the way (feb/march)!! I’m fluent in Japanese so we have always communicated easily, we argue occasionally but it’s rarely major, and we’ve well established by now what sets us off, how we cope with that, etc. I for example had a bit of a rough teens~ at home and developed some pretty strong anxiety related to confrontation, so I struggle to have conversations that I think could lead to conflict, especially in another language! However I’m pretty good at writing, so we’ve long agreed that if I can’t talk about it up front, I’ll write a letter or LINE message for him to read while we’re not together. It gives him time to read my side of things start to finish and come up with his response (he’s more prone to get heated in the moment which can trigger my anxiety, but very calm if he can think it over by himself), then we¥hen we’re both home we’ll sit down and have a conversation about it. My husband is also half-Filipino (though no real exposure to the language or culture), so he and his family are well aware of cultural differences which has probably helped. I come from a very multi-cultural and open country (NZ) so I was pretty flexible to begin with, and had been studying Japanese language and culture for almost a decade when we met.
Yes. No. We sometimes have minor arguments on mundane things, but major arguments are rare. Indonesia. Yes and no? Technically we met online, but when we met offline for the first time, it was in Japan.
With my Japanese husband, it was dealing with cultural differences and communication. Ngl the first year was rough even though I speak Japanese and we’d been dating for years before we started living together. What I still struggle with is determining the appropriate 距離感 with extended family here.
Where I’m from, if you tell your aunt you’ll be dropping by their house, they won’t even ask for the specific time. When you arrive, literally all your aunts are there, cause everyone saw the group chat and just decided to come last minute 😂
Aunties are giving out their old clothes to the kids. Uncles are out in the yard making sure your car’s in good shape. Cousin’s in the hospital, so we all go visit him together. He’ll have relatives visiting everyday until he gets discharged.
Here, we need to set a time a month in advance to visit a relative’s house. Obaa-chan’s (delightfully) shocked to see me rocking her old Showa dress. The only time relatives meet is when sb gets married or dies.
Even though there’s no drama, everyone’s so distant. You can tell they miss one another but everyone’s so 気を使う so they go decades not talking at all. So, I try to get the families to text or visit, and there have been positive outcomes. But sometimes I get worried that they’ll think I’m weird lol
We’re getting married in April next year so technically this doesn’t count yet for this post but I thought you might want one more perspective 🙂
I’m French and moved here after graduating and majoring in Japanese studies. I’ve been with my partner (Japanese) for 8 years, living together for 7, and we’re very happy 🙂 We don’t plan on having kids but we have an adorable Shiba. We communicate only in Japanese. (He’s learning both French and English though)
Biggest challenge was probably the way that he shows affection and love not being in the typical way I was used to, but after living together for so long I can know recognize the little gestures everyday and appreciate how much he takes care of me. We also talk a lot so if anything’s bothering us we usually just bring it up right away and I really like that things don’t bottle up. And even if we do argue a little sometimes, it’s always in a very calm and respectful way which is very different form the way people argue back home haha.
Hope this helps!
Married for 10 years, together for 20 years. One kid. Both from the US.
We don’t fight or argue a lot. We certainly have disagreements, but we discuss them without raised voices, name calling, blaming, etc.
Biggest challenges: some are universal (household labor, finding time for ourselves, etc), some are Japan specific (more mental labor is on me since I speak Japanese and he doesn’t).
The majority of people are happily married. But you never hear about it because they don’t have any reason to talk about it. So you get the overwhelming amount of content by people who are miserable and want to tell everyone about it.
I’m from the US. Been married for about 3 years and so far so good. No human babies yet but we love our pets like kids.
We met in Japan after I had been living here for a couple of years. I always correct people (who assume I live here because of him) that I was already in love with the prefecture I was in and that marrying a local man who also wants to stay here was just icing on the cake.
If you ask him, he’ll answer that we fight a lot, but generally just about small things that we talk through and resolve easily. We’re both ラブラブ types so we snuggle and tell each other variations of “I love you” multiple times a day and generally we are very happy together.
Don’t think you’re going to get many nos here.
We have a kid and we definitely bicker after 10 years of marriage.
We have very different communication styles and it is a challenge. I’ve tried to get us in to couples counselling to help improve our communication, but unfortunately he doesn’t believe it does anything.
On the plus side, if we ever really argue, we’re both quick to apologise.
Overall happy, sometimes very frustrated, if that makes sense.
Yep married for almost 2 years been together for 7 years. Don’t argue often, thankfully he was born and raised in Australia so we have similar values (his family is Japanese). He helps around the house, despite me now being a house wife. We met in university. We are child free, but have taken in a community cat who is needy like a toddler.
Foreign dude here. Married for 31 years (my wife is Japanese). One son, already out of the house and living independently.
We are enjoying our empty nest time now more than we ever thought we would. My wife was relatively young when our son was born (she was 25) and for a long time worried that we had kids too young. Well, that ended about the time he entered university! Now she is in her glory, early 50s, carefree life, no kids to worry about, her parents are still healthy etc. We have time to do what we want- hiking, park walks, travel, and so on.
So if you are thinking of delaying having kids, DONT. I have friends in their 50s who have kids in elementary school. They will still be paying for university tuition until they are 70! No golden years at all. Better to have kids when you are young and full of energy. The money really doesn’t matter all that much. Then reap the rewards later.
As to marriage, IMHO the key is that there needs to be a common language that both parties are fluent enough in to communicate. I was lucky that my wife’s English was fab when we got married because my Japanese was crap. It has gotten better over the years, but so has her English. We probably spend 95% of our time in English, watch mainly English media etc.
Without a common language, I think life can be frustrating.
Yes, married to a Japanese man for 9 years and we have known each other for 15! We have two children. We met in Japan. We are best friends. While we have had our ups and downs over the years, we have always managed to work things out. He is my person. I can’t imagine life without him in it. It also helps I am fluent in Japanese so that is our common language and rarely do we have misunderstandings due to language. He can’t really speak English but his comprehension is good so sometimes I will speak to him in English if I want to make sure I am getting my emotions across properly cause sometimes I can’t articulate well if I am angry or really sad or frustrated. We also make sure to carve out time together in the evenings and do something like watch a movie or I will watch him play his video game while I am on my computer etc… it is great we have a lot of common interests so doing stuff together is always fun.
Married 10 years with 2 kids. Very happy but we’ve had our ups and down.
Likes lots of people, as time has gone on, it is difficult to find alone time together. Usually when we visit his in-laws we make time to go have lunch together, just him and I.
I think our relationship works because we want the same things in life. We both wanted children and he takes an active role in their lives, he also does things like PTA etc. We both have similar jobs so we understand what the pressures and demands we both have.
I’d say my husband has a very international mind set. He spent years abroad and even went backpacking through Europe. He is fluent in English and at his job he is the director of all international affairs (though the don’t pay him the salary they should for all the shit he deals with)
His favorite time is tea time.
I love my husband, he’s the best! He’s Australian, I’m Mexican and we met in Japan while we were attending language school, like around 10 years ago. We’ve been married for i think around 6-7 years. We have no kids (and hopefully never will), 2 adorable dogs. He’s the best, I have no complaints (but I bet he has lots about me, but he’s so patient with my craziness lol). I really think I lucked out finding him and there’s no better person for me in this world.
Foreign men don’t common this post! This question is not for you!
Married with kids. We are both foreigners but met here in Japan. We never fight and get along great even with working together all day. We made it a point to always talk about anything that was bothering us right away so it doesn’t get to the point we are really upset.
The hardest thing for us is being far away from all our family and long time friends that would have been able to help us with our children. We are 100% on our own and that can be very stressful sometimes.
Yes happy, we have two kids, we don’t argue much, I’m from South East Asia, we met in my country and he took me here.
Biggest challenge is just lack of time and energy and money is tight right now. Having two kids, I’m burnt out from taking care of them while my husband slaves away at office 12 hours a day 🥲 But at the same time we’re not really earning enough with all the prices increasing.
But I’m glad the challenges in our life is from outside of the relationship, you know? I feel that he is my team and I can count on him. And the other day he also thank me for taking care of the kids so he can focus at work without worrying much. I love him.
Very happy, married for 1 year, together for 1.5. We rarely argue and when we do, we talk it out after. Pregnant with my first child.
We met here in Japan, he is from Okinawa but spent 10 years abroad. We speak English at home. I’m from the Netherlands.
23 comments
Yes very happy, yes have a kid, and no we don’t argue a lot because we make sure to talk it out before it gets to that point, and also talk about our triggers so that it doesn’t get to that point.
Happily married but no kids yet. We communicate a lot – he speaks fluent English
Very happy. 12 years together, 6 married. 1 kid. Both work full-time.
Both of us were 3rd culture kids of a kind, so we set our own household culture. This has helped us avoid a lot of the typical pitfalls of relationships in Japan. We are both clear communicators. Though we do have fights, he is much better at fighting clean, and I have learned from him.
Yes married with a baby. We argue, yes and fight, but always make sure to solve it, talk it out. I also come from a European country, that loves discussions. So for me it’s not really an argument lol
Regardless of country marriage is compromise, sacrifice and communication.
Mostly happy, one kid. Definitely argued more after having a kid but have only had what I would consider real fights a handful of times and most of those were from me being burnt out with childcare.
Petty arguments are typical stuff that would happen anywhere in the world. Like I tell him a million times to sweep under the kitchen table after dinner the nights he’s on kitchen duty and tonight he forgot again. A tale as old as time.
Our first year of marriage and living together was the start of the freaking pandemic so that was tough. We were also living with my MIL at the time. She’s nice enough but it just felt extremely claustrophobic in general. Once we moved into our own house things improved a lot.
Also my husband is a priest and that is a whole other can of worms but suffice to say that took some getting used to.
Yes happy. Don’t argue very often. No kids and plan to stay that way, married almost 10 years
Married to Japanese man, been together 10 years and married for two of those, one kid (nearly 2) and one on the way (feb/march)!! I’m fluent in Japanese so we have always communicated easily, we argue occasionally but it’s rarely major, and we’ve well established by now what sets us off, how we cope with that, etc. I for example had a bit of a rough teens~ at home and developed some pretty strong anxiety related to confrontation, so I struggle to have conversations that I think could lead to conflict, especially in another language! However I’m pretty good at writing, so we’ve long agreed that if I can’t talk about it up front, I’ll write a letter or LINE message for him to read while we’re not together. It gives him time to read my side of things start to finish and come up with his response (he’s more prone to get heated in the moment which can trigger my anxiety, but very calm if he can think it over by himself), then we¥hen we’re both home we’ll sit down and have a conversation about it. My husband is also half-Filipino (though no real exposure to the language or culture), so he and his family are well aware of cultural differences which has probably helped. I come from a very multi-cultural and open country (NZ) so I was pretty flexible to begin with, and had been studying Japanese language and culture for almost a decade when we met.
Yes.
No.
We sometimes have minor arguments on mundane things, but major arguments are rare.
Indonesia.
Yes and no? Technically we met online, but when we met offline for the first time, it was in Japan.
With my Japanese husband, it was dealing with cultural differences and communication. Ngl the first year was rough even though I speak Japanese and we’d been dating for years before we started living together. What I still struggle with is determining the appropriate 距離感 with extended family here.
Where I’m from, if you tell your aunt you’ll be dropping by their house, they won’t even ask for the specific time. When you arrive, literally all your aunts are there, cause everyone saw the group chat and just decided to come last minute 😂
Aunties are giving out their old clothes to the kids. Uncles are out in the yard making sure your car’s in good shape. Cousin’s in the hospital, so we all go visit him together. He’ll have relatives visiting everyday until he gets discharged.
Here, we need to set a time a month in advance to visit a relative’s house. Obaa-chan’s (delightfully) shocked to see me rocking her old Showa dress. The only time relatives meet is when sb gets married or dies.
Even though there’s no drama, everyone’s so distant. You can tell they miss one another but everyone’s so 気を使う so they go decades not talking at all. So, I try to get the families to text or visit, and there have been positive outcomes. But sometimes I get worried that they’ll think I’m weird lol
We’re getting married in April next year so technically this doesn’t count yet for this post but I thought you might want one more perspective 🙂
I’m French and moved here after graduating and majoring in Japanese studies. I’ve been with my partner (Japanese) for 8 years, living together for 7, and we’re very happy 🙂
We don’t plan on having kids but we have an adorable Shiba. We communicate only in Japanese. (He’s learning both French and English though)
Biggest challenge was probably the way that he shows affection and love not being in the typical way I was used to, but after living together for so long I can know recognize the little gestures everyday and appreciate how much he takes care of me. We also talk a lot so if anything’s bothering us we usually just bring it up right away and I really like that things don’t bottle up. And even if we do argue a little sometimes, it’s always in a very calm and respectful way which is very different form the way people argue back home haha.
Hope this helps!
Married for 10 years, together for 20 years. One kid. Both from the US.
We don’t fight or argue a lot. We certainly have disagreements, but we discuss them without raised voices, name calling, blaming, etc.
Biggest challenges: some are universal (household labor, finding time for ourselves, etc), some are Japan specific (more mental labor is on me since I speak Japanese and he doesn’t).
The majority of people are happily married. But you never hear about it because they don’t have any reason to talk about it. So you get the overwhelming amount of content by people who are miserable and want to tell everyone about it.
I’m from the US. Been married for about 3 years and so far so good. No human babies yet but we love our pets like kids.
We met in Japan after I had been living here for a couple of years. I always correct people (who assume I live here because of him) that I was already in love with the prefecture I was in and that marrying a local man who also wants to stay here was just icing on the cake.
If you ask him, he’ll answer that we fight a lot, but generally just about small things that we talk through and resolve easily. We’re both ラブラブ types so we snuggle and tell each other variations of “I love you” multiple times a day and generally we are very happy together.
Don’t think you’re going to get many nos here.
We have a kid and we definitely bicker after 10 years of marriage.
We have very different communication styles and it is a challenge. I’ve tried to get us in to couples counselling to help improve our communication, but unfortunately he doesn’t believe it does anything.
On the plus side, if we ever really argue, we’re both quick to apologise.
Overall happy, sometimes very frustrated, if that makes sense.
Yep married for almost 2 years been together for 7 years. Don’t argue often, thankfully he was born and raised in Australia so we have similar values (his family is Japanese). He helps around the house, despite me now being a house wife. We met in university. We are child free, but have taken in a community cat who is needy like a toddler.
Foreign dude here. Married for 31 years (my wife is Japanese). One son, already out of the house and living independently.
We are enjoying our empty nest time now more than we ever thought we would. My wife was relatively young when our son was born (she was 25) and for a long time worried that we had kids too young. Well, that ended about the time he entered university! Now she is in her glory, early 50s, carefree life, no kids to worry about, her parents are still healthy etc. We have time to do what we want- hiking, park walks, travel, and so on.
So if you are thinking of delaying having kids, DONT. I have friends in their 50s who have kids in elementary school. They will still be paying for university tuition until they are 70! No golden years at all. Better to have kids when you are young and full of energy. The money really doesn’t matter all that much. Then reap the rewards later.
As to marriage, IMHO the key is that there needs to be a common language that both parties are fluent enough in to communicate. I was lucky that my wife’s English was fab when we got married because my Japanese was crap. It has gotten better over the years, but so has her English. We probably spend 95% of our time in English, watch mainly English media etc.
Without a common language, I think life can be frustrating.
Yes, married to a Japanese man for 9 years and we have known each other for 15! We have two children. We met in Japan. We are best friends. While we have had our ups and downs over the years, we have always managed to work things out. He is my person. I can’t imagine life without him in it. It also helps I am fluent in Japanese so that is our common language and rarely do we have misunderstandings due to language. He can’t really speak English but his comprehension is good so sometimes I will speak to him in English if I want to make sure I am getting my emotions across properly cause sometimes I can’t articulate well if I am angry or really sad or frustrated. We also make sure to carve out time together in the evenings and do something like watch a movie or I will watch him play his video game while I am on my computer etc… it is great we have a lot of common interests so doing stuff together is always fun.
Married 10 years with 2 kids. Very happy but we’ve had our ups and down.
Likes lots of people, as time has gone on, it is difficult to find alone time together. Usually when we visit his in-laws we make time to go have lunch together, just him and I.
I think our relationship works because we want the same things in life. We both wanted children and he takes an active role in their lives, he also does things like PTA etc. We both have similar jobs so we understand what the pressures and demands we both have.
I’d say my husband has a very international mind set. He spent years abroad and even went backpacking through Europe. He is fluent in English and at his job he is the director of all international affairs (though the don’t pay him the salary they should for all the shit he deals with)
His favorite time is tea time.
I love my husband, he’s the best! He’s Australian, I’m Mexican and we met in Japan while we were attending language school, like around 10 years ago. We’ve been married for i think around 6-7 years. We have no kids (and hopefully never will), 2 adorable dogs. He’s the best, I have no complaints (but I bet he has lots about me, but he’s so patient with my craziness lol). I really think I lucked out finding him and there’s no better person for me in this world.
Foreign men don’t common this post! This question is not for you!
Married with kids. We are both foreigners but met here in Japan. We never fight and get along great even with working together all day. We made it a point to always talk about anything that was bothering us right away so it doesn’t get to the point we are really upset.
The hardest thing for us is being far away from all our family and long time friends that would have been able to help us with our children. We are 100% on our own and that can be very stressful sometimes.
Yes happy, we have two kids, we don’t argue much, I’m from South East Asia, we met in my country and he took me here.
Biggest challenge is just lack of time and energy and money is tight right now. Having two kids, I’m burnt out from taking care of them while my husband slaves away at office 12 hours a day 🥲 But at the same time we’re not really earning enough with all the prices increasing.
But I’m glad the challenges in our life is from outside of the relationship, you know? I feel that he is my team and I can count on him. And the other day he also thank me for taking care of the kids so he can focus at work without worrying much. I love him.
Very happy, married for 1 year, together for 1.5.
We rarely argue and when we do, we talk it out after.
Pregnant with my first child.
We met here in Japan, he is from Okinawa but spent 10 years abroad. We speak English at home.
I’m from the Netherlands.