Default parents of small children in Japan – have you found work life balance in your job? (By default parent I mean the one in charge of doing pickup and drop off at daycare and such.)
I am looking for work currently as my main part time job will end next month. I am getting depressed because although I busted my ass to learn Japanese, I cannot realistically apply to almost any full time jobs because I need to leave the office by 5pm the latest to pick my daughter up from daycare.
And so here I am seriously considering looking into ALT work. I’m 37 years old and have years of one on one ESL experience part time, and I like it well enough. But I have very limited experience teaching kids or large classrooms. I admit I do prefer adults. But having to leave work by 5pm eliminates practically all Eikaiwa positions i see, too!
Am I missing something here or how is it that working parents are making daycare pickup and drop off? Is it possible for both parents to work full time somehow?
Or is my most realistic option ALT work in the end?
Important detail: Salary is not a huge issue. ALT salary would be enough. My husband is a seishain and has a good salary. However, it is not enough for us all to live on comfortably alone. Part time wages are almost always hovering around minimum wage…which doesn’t help all that much and honestly feels like more effort than it’s worth sometimes. Like crushing your soul and body for pennies.
Anyone out there manage to work while also having kids with no stay at home parent??? Thanks in advance 😆
EDIT: Thanks everyone for sharing your situations and suggestions. I really appreciate it. It’s given me several more angles to think from. I apologize to have offended some. I didn’t realize ALT work was so stigmatized – I just thought the pay wasn’t great. Thanks again!
29 comments
Most Hoikuen go till 7 pm.
Try looking into freelance work that you can do at home. Editing, proofreading, transcribing, are just a few things that come to mind.
I was the default parent for the 10 years my kids sat through hoikuen.
Before having kids, we moved to the country side and I went 100% freelance 100% from home, in software development. It was a long term plan.
It seems many of the parents at my hoikuen trade off pickups and drop offs. I am sure you’ve asked your husband to adjust his schedule…
I work from home (IT) and my wife always do arubaito , I know is not the same but this is our routine;
I wake up 7 am and take my kid to kindergarten around 9 am. My wife pick him up at 13:30.
normal is wake up 7 am to 9am kid is mine. Later around 14:00 to 15:00. Last is 18:40 until he sleep (I shower him and put him to bed) that will be around 22:00 – 23:00
If he don’t go kindergarten my wife take care of him at 9am until 11am. Then is my turn so she can make food.
She don’t wake up at the morning , I let her sleep coz I’m a morning person. And at night she do arubaito in nearby supermarket so she is not around after 7pm.
Anyway she do arubaito outside my “working hours “. And i never work like 1 hour straight, 45 min , stop, Play with my son. She like doing arubaito as her time like 4 times a week, she make around 90.000 en (she use all in usj with kid 😂)
My only time is after 22:00 if he sleep early or 23:00 until 23:30.
Depending on your Japanese level you could be a secretary. I used to have one mother who would show up maybe 9-10 am and leave by 3pm. She didn’t even work every day of the week. But she handled a lot of the bookkeeping so we could focus on the main work. She was Japanese tho so that’s one large barrier you would need to get over.
My job finishes at 5:00-5:30 or so. Normal hoikuen hours are until 6:00, and extended hours are from 6:00-7:00 although you have to pay a couple hundred yen extra if you use the extended hours. So I’m able to pick her up around 5:30-6:10 or so and it’s fine. Husband also has the same hours, so either of us can do pick up or drop off
Garbage collection starts early and finishes early.
My (Japanese) wife works full time at a Japanese language school as an adisions person. They acommodate her hours and as its a school her day starts early and she leaves early. So I drop the kids off, she picks them up.
I am the primary on this stuff. Since COVID we are allowed to WFH. They want us in a couple of times per week but have hesitated on a strict policy. So I am a product manager that mainly works from home.
My wife has a management job in a mega Japanese co. They were flexible, then they got stricter and she got promoted to manage a large team so it is trickier for her to WFH. She does though, on the 1 day per week I try to go into the office for a day.
I’ve got to tell you, pre-COVID was difficult. Houikuen is easier than elementary. But…at some point they can start to manage their transitions from school to activity so it is a long but temporary challenge. I can see why some spouses leave the F/T workforce for several years.
I guess my question would be how flexible is your spouse? Is it all on you or 70%? There is a difference.
Some decent ideas in the thread but OP seems to have a no-can-do response for just about every one.
Your husband “is seishain and has a good salary…”
With you working part time anything earning over roughly 1000000yen per year is gonna raise your family’s taxes, possibly force you off of your husband’s medical insurance and ultimately lower your hourly rate. Is this really worth the aggro?
Why not cut back on your current lifestyle and make efforts to develop a happy go-of-it with your husband’s salary? Tonnes of people do – including myself with my family of 3 kids. Wife eventually went back to full time work (not out of necessity mind you) when the youngest was old and responsible enough to be at home alone (when he was in JHS).
I dont think part time working for an extra 1000000 a year is worth the aggro. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Both the JET and direct hire ALTs in my city work until 4pm to maybe 4:30pm (varies slightly by school). So at the very least, I think ALT hours could still allow you the freedom to get your child at the usual time
Or I see (mostly part time though) job ads where they specify that they are welcoming applicants who are parents, and advertise the flexibility in the work hours to suit school schedules
My husband is very involved but I lucked into a seishain job that I can basically do 9-5 and I do not have to speak fluent Japanese (I do use it sometimes but I mainly interface with our non-Japanese liaisons). I did come in with 15 years experience, but just wanted to chime in that they do exist. I took a pretty big pay cut however the WLB is absolutely worth it.
ALT work isn’t the only option however that’s where it sounds like most of your experience lies. You could opt to start over and reskill in another area, I’ve heard of many people doing coding (or to a lesser degree UX) bootcamps and starting over. I get that’s a tougher choice when you have kids to think about but it might give you better options for the long run.
Some eikaiwa companies like ECC or Shane have a Corporate Relations Department, you can work part time teaching English. The money is okay and it’s very flexible.
My experience is primarily teaching kindergarten classes with these companies, and it’s usually just a couple of hours in the morning.
But you said you prefer adults so I know there is a kind of parallel department doing workplace training and uni level classes, but can’t speak to the hours or experience since I’ve never done it.
I think the work I currently do would fit perfectly with the kind of family situation you refer to, but it does just depend on whether you want more of a set routine and guaranteed income or you’re happier to take the flexibility and deal with some quieter times of year work wise.
I’m 9-5(8:15-17:45 if you include commute), wife is currently on a shortened schedule from 8:30-17:30 to 9:00-16:30(8:45-16:45 with commute).
We do 8:30-17:00. If I’m working from home I drop off and pick up. Other days my wife covers. We could change the schedule to 8:00-18:00 if we both went back to work and it wouldn’t be a problem at all but then we would be rushing when we got home.
Edit: other reference points.
Normal day when I’m in the office:
Wakes up 7am, usually I do morning until 8am while semi-getting ready. Swap to wife after she’s done make up and she brings to hoikuen. Wife picks up, if things go well she’s back home at 17:15 if not could be playing in the park for almost an hour lol. Get home we swap dinner duty daily unless it’s something she wants or make or wants her free time. Eat 18:00ish. Daughter sleepytime starts with brushing teeth 19:15 or so, head to shower ending around 19:45. In bed and hopefully sleep at 20:30(it’s 20:50 and still not sleeping 😴). We swap bedtime and shower duties every day as well.
Not sure why people aren’t recommending Mother’s Hello Work. Most of those jobs will be from companies that don’t mind giving you shorter hours. You’d work from like 8-3pm. I’d go that route especially if money isn’t an issue.
Obviously the job won’t be like saving the world, but I got a job at a trading company that exported cars abroad that way.
What’s a default parent? Dekichattakon?
My kid’s nursery starts at 8:30, so I can bring her there and be back home in time to start working at 9:00. Then I step out around 16:00 to pick her up, and resume working around 17:00 until 19:00.
On the days I have urgent tasks, my wife can go pick up our kid instead.
This is a really common issue that [Japanese women](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/02/world/asia/japan-working-mothers.html?smid=nytcore-android-share) face as well. Work schedules basically forcing moms into low paying part time work is a major cause of the gender pay gap. So it’s got nothing to do with you and your abilities, but rather a [societal issue](https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2022/09/10/business/japan-working-mothers-pay-gap/) related to the gendering of (domestic) labor
I think you mean primary caregiver.
I drop my daughter off in the morning as I work half the week at office, while my wife works 100% from home so she picks up.
I’m the default parent and I send off/ pick up my child everyday, and my free time starts around 8:30 when my kid sleeps. But I also get that it’s only possible because I work in tech/remote work almost everyday, and I have an understanding team.
I’m a translator at a legal firm that hires me full-time, and doesn’t care when or where I work–it’s all based on output. And yeah, I’ve noticed when I go to pick up my daughter around 6, sometimes she’s the last one in her classroom.
You can try looking into shortened hours(jitan) at a seishain job. That’s what I am currently doing. I work from 9 to 4:30, and typically reach my son’s daycare just in time to not need extended hours. My company hired me with the understanding I would work shortened hours until my son is in third grade(he’s currently three). However, I work in a high demand job, so your mileage may vary.
I feel the same way as you and I will leave my current full time job to find something more flexible. I am extremely tired working until 6 and then having to deal with housework and childcare. It isn’t worth it in my opinion. I also have a lot of mum guilt for leaving my kid in nursery all day, it eats me alive.
My department is mostly made up of mothers who need flexible schedules. This is a large Japanese company in operations. A lot of the team is haken, which accommodates 9-3 usually 4-5 days a week. You mentioned you’re into translation, have you looked into companies that provide large companies with an in-house translator? Those are usually haken and can be flexible.
I was a full-time teacher at a private high school when my daughter was born, but I switched to teaching part-time until she was almost 4. Pay for part-time teachers at private schools can be pretty good. I was getting 3000 yen an hour plus bonuses. We did the calculations and even though I was no longer my husband’s dependent I was making enough for it to be financially worth it.
I went back to work full-time about a year and a half ago, and it’s a 9-5 job, but I still end up picking my daughter up after 6 most days. It’s hard, but I think it’s worth it for the added financial security, and most of all for the example I’m setting for her as a working woman. Girls who grow up with a working mother tend to be more educated and make more money themselves, and boys who grow up with a working mother spend more time on childcare and housework and become more supportive partners.
Direct hire ALT positions are not too bad though. The ones I know officially finish at 4 but no one stays until then. Most go home after their 5th or 6th period class finishes. They’re almost all men in their 30s and 40s, many of them with children they pick up from daycare or elementary school.
my husband does the drop off and pick up, mainly because his work starts at 9:30, and he drops our 3 year old at 9. his workplace being near is also the reason for him doing the drop off and pick up. he usually picks our child up at 6:30, and that’s the cap for the covered daycare. more than that and we’ll have to pay extra. it’s a public hoikuen btw. there are some kids there still when he picks her up, though not many. my husband recognizes some kids who are always still there when he picks her up, and the sad thing is he says those same kids are always already there when he drops her off.
edit: my point is, maybe transfer your child to a daycare near your workplace?
I’m currently working as an ALT and drop the kids off at hoikuen at 7:40 and pick em up at 4:30. My salary is mainly used for leisure/food. Wife earns a lot more and covers all the bills. Alt salary isn’t great but if your husband is earning a decent salary it works fine.