The person who SA’d me left Japan this past summer but he’s moving back in December. He is returning to the same city as me.
He doesn’t know where exactly I currently live and work, but he reached out to me recently trying to contact me again (I did not respond and as it was via email, he does not receive read-receipts). He does know I still live in that city.
He heavily abused me and SA’d me for several years in Japan and I almost lost my life due to him. I am diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety as a result.
What can I do to protect myself? My place of employment is already aware of him and have notified building security of his name and photograph.
Edit: In case it comes up, I have spent a lot of time over the last few years ensuring I am not easily searchable, as well as making sure photos of me are not publically available, locking down every social media account I have, and making sure a google search of my name cannot tie me to my employer. These steps have been taken.
Edit 2: Please do not suggest I move. You try to move in Japan without a job lined up and not enough money saved. I’ve just established my career and I’ve just finally gotten a salary more than 200k a month. If I were to leave now, the only places that would hire me quickly on short notice would be exploitative English teaching jobs that make half the salary I make now. If I were to up and move now, I would run out of money within a month to do so and whatever new salary I’d get would not be enough to survive. It is not easy to just up and leave.
31 comments
I don’t have the good juridic word for his but I remember there is something called order of no contact by the police. The person in question must never contact you or go near you and the police checks time to time.
I think going to a lawyer to have more details and truthful information is the best thing you can do though.
First of all, I’m sorry that happened to you.
If I were in your shoes I would completely erase my presence online. You never know what someone can use to stalk you.
Perhaps you should get to know your local koban officers, show them his photo, and let the officers know your workplace is also watching out for this creep so they understand you’re being backed up by other people and aren’t doing this on a whim. Bring any evidence of this in writing (in Japanese) .
Ultimately though, I think you should talk to a lawyer rather than reddit.
The word “Police” does not appear anywhere in your post, which is troubling. A P.I. might be able to accidentally monitor his communications and convincingly discourage him from living in your area or contacting you, or contact his prospective landlords with discouraging messages about him.
Citizens advice should be able to steer you the right way. I think a police protective order would be a good place to start. Do you know where he will be working or residing?
sorry you have had to deal with this ~~douchebag~~ coward.
Have you reported this to the police? If he is getting charged with sexual assault, it could affect his ability to live in Japan.
I would move to a different city. Unfortunately, with no previous reports to the police (I’m assuming, since you didn’t mention any) the police won’t do anything about him until he starts stalking/harassing you, and even then it may be a stretch to get a response. It’s really, really shitty that you may have to uproot your life to flee from this piece of shit, but uprooting your life is better than potentially losing your life.
I don’t know if you live in a small town, but you have to watch out for people in the neighborhood trying to be “helpful”. He might go around to places with your photo and ask people if they have seen you, and unwittingly they out your location to him.
Of course it is absolutely not your fault, but is there any possible way you could relocate? Does your company have any alternative locations? I know if my life were in danger, I would go to any extreme.
Do you have any proof the person is actually moving back to Japan?
If it gives you constant anxiety and makes you seriously worried you should consider moving to a different city. I know it’s a bad solution, but it’s better than going around everyday being afraid.
First of all cut all contact and connection from him including your common friends as these friends might share your information to him. Secondly, make sure you report to the police and consult that not only you but this man can also hurt other people. Lastly let people you trust around know about this in case something happens. Just to make sure please also buy an emergency alert buzzer with you to let people
Around when some danger is happening to you. Please feel free to DM me if you need any help with the police I can go with you (I’m mix so I can speak both English and Japanese native) Please keep safe
Report him maybe?
[https://www.gender.go.jp/english_contents/mge/violence/info.html](https://www.gender.go.jp/english_contents/mge/violence/info.html)
I suggest try to reach out to the DV center and they might have some resources to help you.
Please be careful and stay safe out there!
You’ve already got a lot of advice from others.
Someone else has already mentioned this, but you should absolutely scorched earth obliterate your online presence. Including telling everyone that you’re friends/associates with to remove all images and references to yourself.
Remove absolutely everything. All of it.
You mentioned an old myspace account: nuke it.
And the communications channel that was used to find out about his return must be destroyed.
This Reddit account too. It will clue him in.
There are probably private detective agencies that could help with this. Never used one.
Going forwards, set up everything such that it doesn’t include your real name.
And all future photographs must be of the back of your head, like all of the other OLs. Actually, don’t post any photos.
You mentioned that you never reported his crimes. In hindsight, you can walk into a police station and request an female interpreter, to help report a crime; it might take a while. It’s obviously going to be a pretty traumatic experience.
If you’d reported his crimes, it might have been possible to get a restraining order. Now, only a lawyer could advise whether it’s feasible to make a report without any real evidence.
Going on the offensive, do you know if this person has an actual criminal record for similar crimes elsewhere? If so, it would be possible to lodge an anonymous complaint with immigration, especially if he may have lied on his visa application.
It is not at all too late to go to the police. File a report with them now. Best to do it at your nearest koban, as that way they will be aware of the situation if he shows up in your neighborhood. Japan does have systems set up to protect people from stalking. So it really doesn’t matter if you press charges on the SA or not, you can at least be protected for further stalking and harassment.
Also, a stalking protection order (can’t remember the proper term) could endanger his visa if he violates it. If he doesn’t comply, he could get booted from the country. Not 100% sure on just how that plays out in practice though.
Though pricey there are lawyers you can talk to.
And as cold as some cities are, awareness can still hold effect; contact some nearby law enforcement agencies for some help.
Otherwise 気をつけてください…
危険な目に遭わん事、祈ってます…
Do you have friends now? Particularly big and intimidating ones? It can always help to have people nearby to help, or to try living with someone else.
I’m based in Kansai, and if you ever need help with Japanese or assistance at the police station, just drop me a message, OP. I’ve got some kind Japanese friends who are always willing to assist foreigners like us.
You could contact a local women’s center/shelter, and there’s usually the ones with English services. They could advocate you and help utilize resources such as the police, legal and municipal services. Just go talk to them or make a call in advance so that you will keep yourself safe.
Basically nothing other than what you’ve done
This might not help much, but if you need help in Tokyo, DM me, I will try to help the best of my Ability.
No one should live in fear. I’m sorry to hear about all the hurdles you need to go thru to feel safe.
Pepper spray or taser. Or a sock full of batteries could do the trick.
You’ve mentioned that you can’t move because of your job, but you don’t necessarily need to quit your job. Just relocate your living area to a neighboring city or a different area of the city in which you live. Unless you live in a really small town, then I guess you’re kinda stuck.
Has someone suggested changing your looks drastically like hair dye and cut that’s very different and wearing mask outside as much as possible?
Make sure you don’t have anything like a backpack you used when he was in your life that he could identify. Don’t frequent any area or restaurant you did when he was around. That is the first place he will look for you.
If calling police or moving out is difficult, do you have anyone who can rely on in your workplace? I think if he recognizes you have ‘close friends’, he might consider it will be risky to reach you again. Inviting people to your place sometimes would also take good effects to distant him.
I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been gone through. I have nothing to help you, unfortunately. I faced a similar situation with you, although lighter, and I know full well how bad the anxiety and worry can be.
Please be safe. Also, echoing another user above, delete everything. Yes, Reddit included.
Could you take combat sports/mixed martial arts classes? It might lower your anxiety a bit, and is also a good way to make new tough-looking friends that might come in handy if something does go down.
Op. If you are a foreign woman PM me. I have some resources and advice for you.
I am a foreign woman also had to deal with an abusive ex who Left the country but is coming back. I have looked into resources.
Cops in Japan are fucking useless when it comes to stalking, unfortunately. Legally speaking, there’s only a handful of things you can do to stop him, but even then there’s a TON of red tape involved. A good pepper spray will do the trick and is technically legal, but you more or less have to prove your life is in imminent danger to have it on you.
When you moved to your current place, did you use mail post forward service ? Be careful cuz the new place could be tracked if the guy puts an AirTag in a letter for instance.
I am sorry to hear this has happened to you and the risks are completely wise to be aware of.
As a former police officer, you have nothing but my upmost sympathies for what is clearly a terrifying experience you shouldn’t need to go through.
The advice others have given is sound (except moving as you mentioned) but I’d like to add something:
In bad and unlucky situations like this when it isn’t our fault (trust me I’ve also had my share of bad luck in a different way), keep being strong, keep standing up for yourself.
You will (already have even) develop a strong iron will which, in the long term, will create peace and happiness in your life. Don’t let your mental health suffer, “use the difficulty” (Google this term if unaware of it) so in the long term, you become even stronger and more happy. I hope no matter what.
I used to have PTSD but have overcome it. YOU can too.
I think you might be able to call the US Embassy and report him for the SA. They might put a hold on his passport while investigating.