Hello everyone. I was hoping to get some advice about how to best handle a problem I’m having with a Japanese coworker.
I’ve been working over here for about 2 years (working at the same place the whole time) and currently have N2 level Japanese. This however doesn’t stop one of my coworkers from trying to explain really basic Japanese to me, as if I don’t already understand it (explaining things like basic grammar and words for things like food, animals, etc), all without me requesting him to do this. He’s the only coworker I work with that refuses to speak Japanese with me (he’s very fluent in English so he definitely doesn’t need the practice or anything), so I don’t think it’s my Japanese ability being lacking or anything. While I’m sure this is coming from a place of attempted “kindness” and don’t think he’s a bad person or anything, but it ultimately comes across as really insulting an I’d like for him to stop.
Can anyone think of a nice way to explain to him that I’d like for him to stop doing this?
25 comments
I usually talk super fast in English and use words native speakers barely know. After a while of that he will probably stop 😂
Show by example. If you respond and talk like an adult, people will in the end treat you as one. I have seen that the more I talk with good speech, good vocabulary and following Japanese norms, the less I am treated like I am a dummy.
Be careful though because there is this weird bias we have which make us “adjust our speech to the person who is talking to us” and hence your Japanese may indeed get worse when you respond in such situation, and you may sound like you are not as proficient as you are.
Pretend you don’t understand, ask them to repeat the explanation. Then, do it again. Keep doing it until they go away
Just casually do the same thing with him when he speaks English. Even if he is very fluent in English it’s unlikely he doesn’t make mistakes. If he says something just tell him that you’re returning the favor for all the help he gives you with your Japanese.
You should use it as an opportunity to learn more Japanese. If they want to be your teacher let them, start to ask questions about more complex Japanese or things you truly don’t understand.
What makes him think you don’t understand the things he’s explaining? Maybe you could ask him that
If it’s any consolation, I think the language factor is pretty arbitrary in all this. Maybe it’s due to the whole ingrained seniority aspect of the culture, but people big-noting themselves to anyone who’ll listen is a phenomenon people seem more inclined to grudgingly endure here.
He’s probably just as likely to bore others to death correcting their *keigo* or the proper stroke order when writing obscure *kanji*.
Despite the many passive aggressive pieces of advice in here, I suspect the better approach is to thank him for his effort and to say directly that you have learned many of these things through your study, and it would be most beneficial to your practice he could just speak naturally without explaining these things.
Bonus points for the relationship if you compliment his fluent English and say that with practice, you hope to one day be as good in Japanese.
If he’s fluent in English, laugh it off and tell him straight up that you understand, like “Hey man, you know I’ve lived here for years? I can read this.”
Being passive aggressive isn’t very nice so I’d probably just politely say I’m already aware of what he’s saying.
That does sound quite annoying though.
“Hey I appreciate you trying to teach me basic Japanese but there’s no need to do that as I’ve actually studied Japanese before for a couple of years. Thank you though and I appreciate you.”
Have you thought of something like this before? I don’t think it’s really that hard.
When I was your level, I also thought that my Japanese was great, but I was making a lot of basic mistakes. As a result people explained things I already knew (In addition to things I did not know). I used to use tsumetai and samui wrong if I did not pay attention. Said Genbatsu instead of genpatsu and made many other grammar mistakes.
My suggestion is to not retaliate. It is true at some point your lack of Japanese could be used against you. At the same time you will also be able to use it as an excuse and or ask for explanation as needed.
In general instead of being defensive about your Japanese, I would suggest you suck it up and try your best to get better. Challenge yourself, do not rest on your past accomplishments.
I had a very similar and equally irritating experience with a coworker years ago. This is what worked for me. I simply stopped speaking English to her. I never told her to stop speaking English, but I just never spoke it with her again. She asked me to but I told her I need practice speaking Japanese and switching back and forth between languages wasn’t good for practicing. She stopped trying to teach me words she knew I already knew. I thought about it for a long time and finally decided what my own coworker was doing was coming from a place of insecurity. They wanted to look accomplished to their fellow Japanese teachers, so they showed off their English language skills in front of them whenever possible. The trying to take me down a peg, take the piss, whatever the F she was doing by telling me what Hotchkiss means in English and what the no hiragana was used for etc, (it was so weird) was probably also insecurity. I didn’t think we had a bad work relationship, and she only did this when the teacher’s room was full of other teachers, so I’m going with insecurity.
“Please stop doing this.”
I wouldn’t use “please” myself. Although I wouldn’t need to as my default body language can best be described as “currently resisting the urge to kill the person I’m looking at”. If he was doing this to me I’d have veins throbbing like the final scenes in Akira..
But you did say “a nice way”..
If he’s fluent in english then tell him he’s being patronizing and it really bothers you. Then tell him if you have trouble you’ll ask him first since he can clearly explain it to you.
Do this with no one else around. It always baffles me how people think they’re being kind doing this when they themselves speak a second language, but regardless, tell him you don’t like it and he will stop.
I’m imagining you being female, him a male and this is how he talks to you. Im assuming he just doesn’t have anything else he feels confident enough in to talk to you about. I mean, this guy is talking to you so much when most Japanese won’t even make the effort
I think a very curt and direct “I know. You don’t have to explain, but thank you.” should do.
Probably just peacocking to look cool in the office space.
Thank him, and ask that he only speak Japanese to you every second day as you want to get better at his language. Have a little 100円 Japanese flag you can hang up at your desk on MON WED and FRI. When he speaks English, point to the flag.
Blokes love explaining things so come with some more challenging stuff to ask him about.
And challenge him to a tongue twister/ a cappella karaoke sing off with the loser buying the winner a can of drink or something. good luck.
Have you tried just telling him directly that you don’t like it? If so but he continues, perhaps demonstrate how it feels by incessantly explaining basic English to him (for bonus points, do so in Japanese).
He’s not hurting you right? I’d just go along with him and also add to what he’s saying. He’ll get that you got it. No need to be rude or anything.
The other day, a Japanese man realized my Japanese level is not that great (around N4), then he proceeded to speak in English (with a terrible accent), and extremely loud and slow.
TSUU SURII ZERO ZERO AWAZUS GEETO KUROOZU!!! (23:00 the gate closes)
Mind you, we had been speaking in Japanese only for about 2 minutes prior to this.
Why suddenly I wouldn’t understand numbers, and the words “gate” and “close”?
I made a couple of mistakes when speaking but nothing terrible, though that was enough for him to assume I don’t speak Japanese at all…
I just always respond to people in Japanese, but I have also seen this play out with other foreigners – there is a guy at my work who seems to have a weird thing about “helping” people learn Japanese and I think the only reason I don’t get the treatment is that he knows I went to graduate school here. (Though honestly it was as much in English as Japanese due to how the world of Mathematics works.)
I never used English when I was first learning Japanese, and now I am actually fluent, nobody tries to teach me Japanese, though they would try to explain some things before then.
So either, you are using only English with him, so he doesn’t know your Japanese level and is explaining things to you thinking you do not know, or something in your Japanese gives a picture of your Japanese not being as good as you imagine it to be.
I would suggest using Japanese only, and just go with the mini lessons until your Japanese is at such a level nobody will try to teach you stuff.
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