Even though this is a throwaway, I don’t want to put a ton of details here because he does use Reddit and I’m worried about my and my child’s safety moving forward.
I’m a foreigner married to a Japanese man. We have a child together. There has been a lot of abuse in the past towards me but stuff really did seem like it was getting better (stupid me, I know). In the past he has been physical with me. Now its all verbal, emotional, and financial abuse. Again, I don’t want to get into specifics here because he is on Reddit (though I don’t know if he browses here).
Yesterday I reached my limit after several days of him saying the most horrible things to me, breaking stuff around our home etc.
The planets have aligned now and I am able to leave the home without him being aware over the weekend with my child.
Does anyone know if DV resources are available on weekends/Obon?
Unfortunately I am not in the big areas (Tokyo, Osaka, etc) and my Japanese only gets me through daily living. I’m not confident enough to explain my situation in Japanese to an intake counselor.
I have access to about 25,000 yen that I have been secretly saving.
I really want to leave. I know I need to. But it isn’t just as simple as divorcing and figuring out a plane ride home since I have a child and another on the way. There is absolutely no way he would give me custodial rights in the case of divorce.
Edit: edited out some possible identifying info at the suggestion of another poster.
6 comments
I’m terribly sorry for your current situation.
Can you give us an idea where you are roughly so we can procure better sources for you?
Hi, I just sent you a PM!
I’m very sorry for your situation. I am rooting for you.
Looking for stuff on Japanese gvt sites, it seems this place can help in English:
[https://form.soudanplus.jp/en](https://form.soudanplus.jp/en)
They’re supposed to be available from noon until 8PM every day, and there is no mention of days when they aren’t available.
Whoever you talk to, make sure to mention the physical violence you suffered in the past (breaking stuff around the house IS physical abuse – at least a threat of physical abuse), and make sure they understand you fear for your (and you children’s) physical safety, and ask for a shelter.
Another note. You said “(stupid me, I know)”. Nope, not stupid you. It’s how the cycle of abuse works, unfortunately. It’s exceedingly hard to break away from it, and well done on taking these steps you are taking – you are smart, and you are well on your way to escaping this situation. Kudos to you.
Also in terms of divorce and child custody – courts here typically enforce the status quo. So if you manage to get him to pay support money (which you are entitled to for you and your child while living separately) and your children are with you, getting in school or kindergarten or daycare in your area, etc. and the longer this drags on the more likely it is that mediators or a judge would favor leaving the children with you.
I’m really worried about your husband stumbling on this. When you get the info you need, please delete this ASAP!
[https://jp.usembassy.gov/services/resources-for-victims-of-domestic-violence/](https://jp.usembassy.gov/services/resources-for-victims-of-domestic-violence/)
Roundup of DV hotlines/services from the US Embassy (you don’t have to be an American to use them)
Edit to say that your first priority should be getting out of the house and into a safe space. Don’t worry just yet about everything that comes after. There’ll be time to figure all that out later.
Everyone offered great advice already and I don’t know where you are in Japan, but with a wife and two daughters hit me up if you need any food or something send your way. Not sure how much I can spare but if you need it let us know.