I was chatting with a group of new friends/acquaintance including Japanese in a hostel in Japan. Is addressing myself using “watashi”, “boku” or “ore” more proper? Especially asking for young adult males.
I’ve heard that younger Japanese is more open. So is “watashi” overly formal and distancing that I should use “boku” even with newly made friends? Is using “ore” in such casual scene okay?
Would like to know how local or anyone living in Japan think.
6 comments
It depends on which type of people you want to belong to. Also, consider your Japanese level.
– ‘Boku’: sounds normal, can be intelligent and sometime cool.
– ‘Ore’: very casual, cool in a certain way, but it doesn’t go well if you are not fluent.
– ‘Watashi’: very polite, not cool but mysterious or sometimes elegant. It goes well if you are not fluent in Japanese.
Watakushi if you really want to be obnoxious.
Watashi is pretty much always acceptable (barring extremely formal situations that require watakushi, but in those scenarios you should be using keigo anyway, which you won’t need to worry about until you’re more proficient with the language).
Boku is also usually completely fine to use, though it’s not quite as universal as watashi is.
It’s not abnormal at all to hear ore in the types of situations you’re describing, but I would caution against using it in more formal scenarios. Even in informal scenarios, it can be a little dangerous to use it before you understand the full nuances. In the wrong context, it can sound a little arrogant, aggressive, or rude. This isn’t meant to scare you away from using it, just make sure you understand what you’re saying.
“Wa-re” or “Yo-u if you feel royal.
ﾜﾀ94
I’m going to offer a slightly different answer than others here. Though I have to warn you, it’s not going to be very satisfying.
There is a tendency for western learners of Japanese to see pronoun choice through the cultural lens of individual identity. They want a list of rules for what pronouns are right for what situations, as though it’s a menu to select from. And then they select from that menu as a statement about themselves.
So if you Google or ChatGPT this, you will get hundreds of articles (in English) that try to explain pronouns this way. Anime makes this even worse, because anime characters usually pick a single pronoun as a shortcut to express their character cliche and stick with it in all situations.
But that’s just fundamentally not how pronoun choice works in Japanese culture. And if you don’t understand the culture, you will never be perceived as fluent on this point. In Japanese, it’s not about you. It’s about *them.* What do *they* expect you to use?
I know that sounds like a catch-22, and you’re right. Even Japanese speakers don’t get it right on the first exchange every time. But the point is, you need to read the room, listen to how they reciprocate, listen to how they already talk to each other, and quickly adjust accordingly.
That’s why saying something like “watashi is polite” is so misleading. Using “watashi” when everyone else is using “watashi” isn’t polite — it’s just neutral. But using “watashi” when everyone else is using “ore” isn’t polite either — it’s condescending and obnoxious.