Skipping over the details, expat child in small international school in Tokyo. Bullying (physical, sexist, racist, verbal, exclusionary, cellular, messaging) has spiralled to including most of the children in the class. Despite repeated attempts to work with the school, they’ve been unable to effectively address it, so we took the child out. Move on, new school, put it behind us. However incidents continue (outside school hours, in local area), parents aren’t bothered, school say not their problem. Our child is a mess, a shell of her former self and it’s fucking heartbreaking.
After a further incident today we need to do “something” and think the appropriate action might be to make a complaint to the police. Rather than ‘uses bad words’, the areas I think may be of note are using phone calls to cause distress (ie. multiple calls from different numbers until she picks up, then a stream of abuse), use of WhatsApp to send distressing messages (yes, all that is blocked and turned off now), but stalking her (knowing where she will be at an activity) and making her feel unsafe. Early teenager, so at a very sensitive age and hence is lost, confused, upset and has lost all friends. It’s a mess and we’re trying to move forward.
Would making a complaint to the police be of use? I know the answer is generally ‘no’, but we need to do something. Any tips / advice of what to say / how to say / who to ask for? Or alternate methods of getting this shit to stop short of moving our life back to our home country ?
​
15 comments
I mean I would. Maybe play up the stalking and harassment angles, rather than “bullying”? And I’n so so sorry for you and especially your kid, bullying is a horrible experience at any level.
Does your kid have a personal alarm she can pull if they’re nearby? Drawing attention from local public could deter the bullies enough to back up.
Personally, I’d probably stalk them myself and go full apeshit gaijin mum on their asses, but probably not recommended course of action.
I think you should go to the police. I can’t say if they can do a lot, but it might be a big enough threat to the parents that they will take the situation more seriously. I hope your child can find somewhere they can feel safe mentally and physically.
What school? Seems to be a common problem.
Go to a police station. Do not go to a police box, go to a police *station*. I want to make that very clear: *station*. Afterwards go to the principal.
Make a log of every bullying event. Go back as far as you can remember. This makes it easier to show that this has been going on for a long time.
Make a note of any damage to possessions, theft etc because that is easier to prove criminality.
Keep records of everything. Talk to a lawyer. Tell her old school that you are talking to a lawyer too.
Blows my mind you could send your kid to an international school and also be a racist (not you, the bully kids’ parents)
Isn’t online bullying a criminal offense in Japan now? After that wrestler committed suicide
Contact Prefectural police rather than city police, where applicable.
The above advice about police stations is probably the way to go, but as an extra maybe enrolling in some kind of combat sport to learn self defence might be a good idea.
Kickboxing or boxing classes for kids are very popular and seem to be fun and a good way to make friends. An added bonus is that people who fuck with your kid will find out the hard way and she’ll never be bothered again.
Just to clarify, your child moved to a new school and kids from the old school continue to bully? I think you have a valid case with the police if you have saved all the evidence. I honestly feel Japan is trying their best to improve the lot of Japanese kids here. Is your child a citizen (half Japanese)? Report to the prefectural police. Without language skills it might be tough to report. The other advice is to lawyer up. Sounds like you might have a good case. Don’t let this slide… defend your kid.
So sorry your family have to go through this.
My niece was bullied years ago when she was in a Japanese public middle school. There wasn’t social media or messengers. It was mostly persistent verbal abuse including some some xenophobia racist ones. My sister was furious. She confronted the school and the parents of the “ring leaders”. She went to those girls homes demanding parents taking actions or else she would report them to the police. I don’t know how those Japanese parents reacted to my sister’s threats. Things got worse after that. Often times under the order of those few girls, other girls in her class would ignore my niece’s existence.
After several attempts, my sister gave up and pulled my niece out of that school and send her back to my home country with my mom. She never called the police didn’t think that would help. My niece was an outgoing friendly kid. I’m sure the psychological damage still has effect on her today.
I’m sure not the whole class are bullies just a few ring leaders and others are just followers. If you can identify them report them to the police. I like somebody else suggested to try with the harassment and stalking angle. That way police would take it more seriously I assume. Don’t let those little MFs get away with this.
Also there are anti bully hotlines offer free counseling for kids and parents. Get some professional consultation may help too.
I hope your family get through this. All the best.
I’m so sorry. I feel for her 🙁 Along with all the other advice here, hug her a lot please.
I’m sorry your child is going through this. I don’t have any children but I imagine as a parent you would do anything to take your child’s pain away, even take on their pain for them if you could.
You need to talk to a lawyer or the police. If there’s a clear case of criminality involved, i.e., violence, stealing, threats, etc. the police will investigate and open a case. If the bully is under 14 the police won’t be able to do much because they’re not subject to criminal liability.
If crime is not clear cut and murky, like harrassing calls and possible stalking, you can go through the civil courts and it may be possible to seek redress there. Find a lawyer who specializes in bullying and consult with them.
Finally, make sure the school is on put on notice even if they’re not keen on helping out at first. There’s a chance they could be held criminally negligent if things escalate to a serious level, god forbid.
You probably don’t want to hear this but don’t demonize the bully too much. They’re probably in need of care also. It’s usually low self-esteem or an unstable homelife and they’re taking out their frustration on your child, unfortunately. Give your child a big hug and kiss and let them know you’ll see this through to the end. Good luck.
Go to a lawyer, not the police, and deal directly with the parents through the lawyer.