Hi all, for those of you with young children and both parents working full time in Japan: what was life like after you were both back at work in terms of sickness, pickups and drop offs, calls out during working day etc.
My husband and I both work demanding jobs and we have applied for hoikuen to start in April when baby is 10 months old. Basically he will be dropped off 7:30am until I can pick him up in the evening – discussing with my job how early that can be. We have no family around.
I’m dreading it emotionally but I want to hear how it looks in real life for other families doing this lifestyle already. I hear if he has a fever I have to pick him up, for example, but how often does that happen?
Are drop offs really hard? How long did your baby take to get used to it? How did weaning or potty training go? How does baby’s bedtime go?
Just feel a bit worried and stressed about it even though I have a few months to go! It would be great to hear what other parents with young babies in hoikuen experienced.
Edit: day at hoikuen starts early because we live in Shin Yokohama but my husband commutes everyday to Utsunomiya in Tochigi(!!) and I commute to Shibuya…he won’t be able to come back in time for pick ups so I will ask my work for earlier finishes if possible. I am pretty much a single mother on weekdays!
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I wouldn’t stress too much about it.
Our daughter (1year 10months old now) likes going there and enjoys it every day. There are other kids of course that are less eager to go. But I see it as a good experience for our daughter, socializing, having lot of friends, toys and do a lot of games and activities, more than we as a parent could do at home or in weekends.
She has been going to daycare since she was 3 months old, so she got used to it pretty early.
Babies get sick and hoikuen is a major source for it, expect to also get sick more. Sometimes it can be rough and she can be on and off sick for weeks. They’ll call us when she has a fever, so they expect you to go pick her up at your earliest convenience. They could suggest to go visit a doctor and ask to keep your child home the following day. Unless they doctor says ok to go to hoikuen or you feel she’s feeling better. In 1 year, I think I maybe had to go get her 5 times. They get sick, fever, get medicine, start to feel better, go back to hoikuen, they call she has a fever again, next they she goes back, all good, then next day fever again. It happens, but not so often.
As I mentioned before, don’t worry/stress too much and get a feeling of what works best for you. Having an employer that’s a bit flexible in this regard would be a very big plus. Maybe both parents can work out alternating early/late working times at work for drop off and pick up.
It can be tough, and it depends entirely on both of your workplaces’ flexibility. In my case, my office became quite a bit more flexible in terms of setting hours, leaving early, and changing schedules to work-from-home, so it’s been not as challenging as most (though it gets iffy when I have an important meeting or need to be on-site in the later afternoon).
Fevers and general sickness happens. Pretty common for kids and whole classrooms to catch bugs. It is what it is. Be prepared to start using your leave, at best only half-days.
For drop-offs, the teachers handle them well. They’re used to it, and will pry the little buggers off from you, allowing a swift escape. Bedtime, and potty training are separate issues, but in general, the day at hoikuen tends to tire our kid out. They sleep at 9pm sharp pretty much immediately.
Overall, its a tough adjustment, but you find a way.
One thing I would note, looking at the times you posted, is that sounds like a really long day for a kid to be holed up at school. Perhaps one of you can work something out with your offices to have alternating days where you leave a bit early.
I went back to work when my baby was four months old (that’s all the childcare leave I was able to get).
Our hoikuen was small (only 10 kids) and the staff were super nice. Still, it was a big adjustment.
Your kid will get sick a lot and you will have to pick him up. Once they get a fever, you have to take them to the doctor and keep them home for 24hrs after the fever breaks, so basically you have to miss 2 days of work every time.
My hoikuen did not accept breastmilk, and used to same formula for all the kids, so that was challenging at first. Your hoikuen will probably have their own rules, so it’s good to ask in advance.
When they start in April, you basically have to take the whole week off because they will only keep your baby a few hours everyday so they can adapt. That makes a lot of sense, but it’s not something we knew in advance, so we were a bit unprepared.
One thing I found hard was how very little time I had with my son everyday. We would come home by 6 pm and I would cook dinner quickly because he was already exhausted and cranky. Then we’d take a bath and he would be in bed around 7:30.
Despite having three kids, we don’t qualify for hoikuen so I have no idea what it is like
Drop off is a temporary issue. I would recommend to look a bit more long term.
You will definitely need to take unplanned days off due to kiddo having fever (over 37.5 comes very easy). This will eat up your paid time off and make your life miserable if you do not know your rights.
Read up the child care laws and use the rights you have : paid child care leaves, caregiving days off (that will save your PTO), limited working hours (6hrs/day), no night-time overtime upon request, etc
[https://www.mhlw.go.jp/english/policy/children/work-family/dl/190410-01e.pdf](https://www.mhlw.go.jp/english/policy/children/work-family/dl/190410-01e.pdf)
Use your rights as much as possible.
Two full time parents with huge commutes is just going to be hell. You need to make serious changes and rethink your career paths. Good companies value work life balance, there are out there. All the best.
Utsunomiya….Honda worker?
I am the dad and ended up being really the primary on this stuff. It was hard.
Dropoffs were very easy and pickups a little slower but also easy.
The hard part is getting ready, and then getting off to the station afterwards. I had to ride a bike about 15 mins. In the summer it was brutal.
I was able to negotiate flex starting time so I dropped him off at 8:30 and started at 10AM. I had to be in the office everyday. This was just before COVID.
Pickup was mostly ok. My wife did a flex start very early in the AM and picked him up around 6ish, but she had nomikais and sudden late meetings, so I would just split and run to get my son.
Tbh…glad it is over!
One good thing though was that houikuen doesn’t have the long breaks like in elementary so that was easier to manage than in 1st or 2nd grade.
I’m going through it right this very minute. The daycare called yesterday at lunch to pick up because baby’s temperature is 38. I still had 2 more classes (and 2 important meeting), hubby has one later so he picked up kid and take to me at work. I stay with kids until hubby’s finished (one car).
We took kid to doc but it’s Wednesday so it’s closed half day. The daycare has a sick building but it needs doctors prescribed med.
Took kid to the hospital and spent 2 hrs explaining the situation. They said the baby isn’t sick long enough for meds. I explain hub has a business trip and I need to be at work today. They gave something for the fever. I took him this morning at 7:30 with the med to the daycare.
I’m taking the afternoon off just to get my head refresh and do other ish that I couldn’t get done yesterday evening.
Then I noticed all the running around we forgot to buy gas and my tablet wasn’t charged for work this morning. I’m drained but happy that the baby’s at least genki and was singing the stupid Pokémon song. I wish he’d eat something though.
We have two young ones and both went through hoikuen. My youngest is graduating this year and will enter elementary next April. They both entered when they were 1 year old. My wife is a doctor and I’m a medical consultant. We both work office hours, but occasionally need to work OT in emergencies, etc. So drop off (by me) was around 9 and pick up (by wife) was around 1730. They rarely had to stay past 1800, but it sometimes happened. In that case, we pay a modest fee of 300 yen for 延長料金.
In our experience, it was wonderful. The kids loved going to hoikuen and it helped them build social skills they otherwise wouldn’t have gotten just staying at home. Initial drop off was more difficult for my daughter (oldest) but she adjusted within a few months. For my son (younger), he never had any issue and actually looked forward to going there after the weekends.
If the kids get a fever or get injured playing, we get a call and go to pick them up. This happens more often between the ages of 0-3. You have to go ASAP. My wife could usually do this because of the nature of her job. She could just ask a fellow doctor to cover her patients. There’s many working mother doctors, so it was very give and take. For my work, I couldn’t take off the day suddenly – but several times, I have been able to leave and take the rest of the day off. It’s a good idea to carry your 母子健康手帳 since you may make several visits while your child is still young.
Commute is about 20 minutes from the hoikuen to my office. For my wife, 50.
They get sick A LOT especially at first. Mine was sick probably half the days of her first month. If you really can’t take much time off work or WFH on sick days I would recommend finding a sick kids hoikuen for days that your child gets sick
going to be going through this in 6 months or so, but one advice I read that I am going to try is:
keep the goodbye short. smooth as possible, drop them off, all smiles and see you later. if your kid knows / does “bye bye” play and understands the meaning, don’t say bye bye, it’ll turn into this whole “where’s my parent going oh my god don’t leave meee” apparently
Yokohama to Utsunomiya!? Jesus freaking christ
Not sure if this has been mentioned already, but there are “sick kid daycares” where you can drop off your child if they can’t attend their regular daycare due to stay-home rules. I know it’s not ideal, but it’s an option in case there is something very urgent and you can’t call off work
Hoikuen has been great for my kids, but they do get sick a lot. The first year it was about once a month they would be out for a week. But after the year mark it happened less frequently.
We just got hit twice in a row with flu and pool fever, and it’s been a horrible three weeks. I’m lucky I have a very flexible job.
Hoikuen was great for us. Of course, both of us were working, as you need to to even get to use the hoikuen at all. I was working from home and reduced my working hours, and these are the two things that I recommend the most. Not only for hoikuen reasons.
I had to learn many new things in order to get paid decently while working less hours from home, but I managed to stay the main source of income while being the default parent. It was all worth it to see my kids more during the 10 or so years some of them spent at hoikuen.
I’m just gonna come out and say it – its gonna be really tough. As many commenters have posted, there are people who are managing without family support. But exactly how manageable it will be in your case will depend on so many factors:
1. The flexibility of both of your jobs (if you’re doing full time and both drop off and pick up you’ll need an extra flexible job or just the perfect hours)
2. Your commute time to work AND to daycare. This is huge and not necessarily something you can control depending on availability in your area. I spend 2 hours going to daycare and back (and then another hour traveling to the office) because the daycares near our house were all full. If you don’t keep commute time down you cannot do both pickup and drop off and will need to hire a babysitter to do that (this is the reason I have stayed 3/4 time for years).
3. Sick days will suck for the first year. So you’ll want to work out with your spouse how you will split up sick days. Everyone’s experience is different but I would not have been able to work full time during the first year in daycare because my daughter was literally too sick for daycare several days most months and my husband was not sharing sick day duty with me. You’ll need to share sick duty or have an extremely understanding workplace.
That said, you mentioned you have a demanding job so I imagine that means relatively well paid. If so and you can afford to hire a babysitter to help with drop offs, pick ups or sick days, then of course your life will be MUCH better.
I hope you can work everything out! Work culture in this country unfortunately forces a lot of women out of full time work while the kids are small. Only those with higher incomes or flexible partners/family support seem to stand a chance.
Even if you manage to make it work you’ll be so exhausted many days and question your life decisions 😂 But please be proud of making it work because you will be an inspiration to your child and will be doing what so many women in this country could not (including me – working just 30-hour work weeks with a toddler is kicking my ass haha). But it will all be worth it if you can keep your career in the end. Good luck!!
It’s tough but you’ll all get through it.
My wife and I both work full time. I work odd hours – sometimes I don’t come back until night time, sometimes I’m off by lunch time – so it’s worked out to the point where we split up pick-up/drop-off duties. The little one didn’t like going at first. It took about a month before the crying at drop-off stopped. On very rare occasions, it still happens. My kid’s 2, for reference.
We’ve been luxky in that our kid has had just one bout of sickness that required time off from work. I can work from home when necessary, so I stayed I worked from home one day, my wife took the next day off, then the weekend and our kid was all better by Monday. Don’t be shy about taking time off or leaving early if need be.
The good thing about starting hoikuen is that eventually your kid will naturally fall into a normal sleep/wake cycle. Our kid wakes up at the same time every day, even on weekends, because of that internal schedule. Your kid will (hopefully) have plenty of new experiences which will tire them out and help them get to sleep easily.
Others can deal with immediate needs, but as parents who are now looking at the other end of it (and have been for quite a few years now), we look back on daycare as a hugely positive developmental catalyst–especially for our first, but that’s not to slight the still very solid advantages for the second.
One way to look at daycare is as the modern version of the extended family. The other kids there are their cousins (if not sibs) and the hobo are like aunts/uncles (the other parents somewhat so, too). And not just your kid, there’s some sense in you, as parents, looking at this way (try thinking of and approaching everyone there as you would your own extended family).
We had more flexible jobs, but both of ours started at about 10-12 weeks, and they stayed till ‘graduation’ and went directly on to elementary (no yochien), and we attribute a huge amount of their success there and later to the socialization they got in daycare.
Also, keep the diary that they ask you to pass back of forth each day, and feel free to add your ongoing thoughts/feelings to it. My wife passed that on to our oldest, who was then working and had her own two kids. For her it was a real eye-opener to what we went thru.
I was in a similar boat when I first moved to Japan about 18 months ago. It all depends on you and your child but most schools have 慣らしい保育 (narashihoiku) which is like a transition period for you and your child. Each school does it differently but mine took about 2 weeks before my daughter was in the full time.
Don’t be too stressed over the crying. It will happen and it will fade. Eventually your child will grow to love school and friends! It’s all part of the process.
That being said, it’s also wildly dependent on how old your child is. I would say the younger they are the easier it is, but 2-3 is probably the most challenging as your child isn’t really aware of the idea of ‘temporary’.
And for naptimes don’t worry. I find my daughter sleeps better for naps at school. It’s peer pressure so if she sees everyone sleep she will too. But your mileage may vary.
And I echo what almost all parents said here, prepare for your kid to get sick OFTEN. My school allows kids to go in as long as they don’t have a fever. This of course is a double edged sword. It means your kid can go in sniffling and full of germs but also that when they’re healthy they might be surrounded by other sick kids. My kid got sick very often at the beginning and still does but maybe once every 2 months.
My wife works full time work from home, and I have flex (I only go office 2-3 times a week usually). I drop my daughter off at hoikuen in the morning around 8, and my wife picks up our kid around 5:30PM. At first I was thinking we could have there till 6:30 or 7… but over time I am glad we pick her up so early. You only get a few hours in the week with your kid.
As far as getting used to school, at 10 months old they barely understand what is going on. I think fine, but around 1 to 1.5 years they know whats going on. Often we have trouble getting her to come home since she wants to play and is already tired.
Sick days… basically they will all be gone. At first especially, our kid was sick almost weekly. Take ur kid to clinic any chance you get as its free. At my school if you have a fever you cant come back the next day… so usually its 1.5 days off. I would spread it out between your wife and you. Also see how flexible your manager is, sometimes I can work while doing it, and I dont take a full day off.
You may have to pick her up early often depending on how often she gets sick, in the first two weeks my daughter was sick every day so she didn’t go for almost 3 weeks, after that she adjusted but was still sick one day or two days every couple of weeks.
Currently two working parents with 3 year old and 5 year old at hoikuen. Fever happens a lot because when one kid at nursery has something it spreads to the others pretty easily. We have the grandma living in the same town so she usually does it for us.
The 保育園嫌だ cries are inevitable and sometimes will refuse to get changed for hoikuen in the morning. As your child will be 1 by the time he starts hoikuen there is a lot more to pack (this may vary among hoikuens) compared to a 4 year old. 2 hand towels, 1 hand towel with a string attached, a bib, change of clothes, diapers (with the name written on each diaper) and plastic bag for dirty diapers. The mornings will be tough but if you share the workload with your husband it should be alright.
My 3 year old got potty trained when he was around 2.5 years old, he was quick compared to my 5 year old daughter since she started hoikuen when she was 3.
I work in a newish International Kindy for ages 1.5+, so I can at least offer you my experiences dealing with an influx of new students being separated from their parents. Keep in mind that outside the first hour of the day, the kids are spoken to completely in English (foreign language, not second) and this may add to the stress/time taken to adapt.
A large amount of the cases I’ve run into cry for their mothers for 3-5 hours a day, for two weeks. This reduces down to maybe an hour a day for a week or two thereafter, then it’s out of their system. Some cry just for 30mins at the point of separation with mum/dad and then it’s up to how good the child care specialist is at calming them.
It’s going to be hard some days/weeks. If one person gets sick then you are all getting sick most likely, if you are lucky you will be sick that you are same time as your child and minimize days home for maximum days sick. Talk with your company about possibilities for remote work/flex as well but it’s never going to be easy working with a toddler.
Child-care leave might be unpaid but be careful about burning through your nenkyu, you might need it for yourself too.
I think you and your partner will need to talk about who will pick up/stay home the kid in what situation. It is not going to be fun arguing about who has the most important job in the heat of the moment. And you seem to be closer distance wise? But don’t let that be an argument that you should do it most of the time.
Honestly, for your heart, could you look into a Hoikuen closer to your work? Commute WITH the baby? Then you’ll be able to stay together longer and be able to pick up the baby more quickly when a fever arises.
The first two or three months were hard for both me and my baby. Lots of sickness at first from the new germs. It probably took 6 months until things felt settled.
Work likely has some rules for nursing mothers which you should look in to. For example, mine allowed for 30m of “pumping time,” which I could add on to the mornings or evenings (or split between) to arrive late or leave early. Utilize all those little leeways to the full extent.
But, it was hard. My husband could also never help. I felt very split between work and motherhood, and not able to fully “be,” as I was always worried about where I wasn’t.
It does get easier when the kid is 3 or so. Good luck!
I can’t speak to the drop off and picks ups obstacles your foresee, as I work and live close to our daycare, and my job is extremely supportive and flexible which has been amazing. However, as a teacher and a mum!!!
1. Drop offs will suck for maybe a day or two, maybe a week – but mostly for you. The kids cry at first, almost every damn one. But I promise you, as someone who has been the receiver of said crying kiddies, they will stop within 2min of you being out of sight, and be completely fine all day. My daughter was fine day 1 at 9 months, cried day 2-3, has been happy as anything ever since. The teachers are used to it when they do have a bad day, it will not phase them – don’t linger, say goodbye cheerfully and tell them you’ll see them later, and leave. Clinging and lingering parents actually make it way worse on everyone involved.
2. My daughter was exclusively breastfed, refused outright to take a bottle but at 9 months, she was okay drinking mugi-cha or water from a cup during the daycare period. Stopped breastfeeding her just after she turned one pretty much cold turkey because she got bitey, she was never really upset by it.
3. Potty training is just starting, and is a work in progress as of age 1y 11months. Most kids potty train between 2-3, but there’s no real “do it now”. Before they start actual preschool is best.
4. Evening routine for us is home at 5, dad by 6, dinner at 7, bath at 7:30, bedtime at 8 and usually asleep by 8:30 and awake at 6:30 for a 7:30~8am drop off. It’s a bit hectic, but once they know the routine they’re solid. My kiddo actually started asking for bed at 8 if we haven’t already started trying to get her there!
5. Illness: yeah, it happens a lot, especially at first. Know your rights and just be honest with your work. Kids come first 🤷♀️ luckily, I guess, as a mum, there is a strong gender stereotype in this country that it will be mum’s job to get them, so I find mums tend to get more leeway here than dads (which sucks as a feature of society but works best for my family anyway). Daycares and schools etc are a cesspool of illness and if your kid hasn’t had something before, you better bet they’re gonna get it now. 99% of the time it’s not going to be serious; it’s a cold or a virus that’ll clear up in a few days max. If the fever goes over 37.5°c during daycare they’ll probably ask you to pick up. Usually the first 3-4 months are worst for kids fresh in daycare, but it does settle down as their immunity builds. This will happen whether they’re in daycare now or in preschool later; it’s all part of joining wider society!!
Depending on which ku you live at they have support programs for hiring babysitter and other services.
There are also other services around (sick kids babysitter) but you’ll need to sign up for it.
Also find a byojihoiku (sick kids day care) for just in case when the kid gets sick … we were
Lucky our kids clinic was running one.
Its just good to know if there’s any around.
For us we put our kid in Hoikuen around 10 months as well , the first week is “getting adjusted to it phase” and your kid will not go full days from day one – it builds up from couple of hours to half day to full days – keep that in mind. Also we found for kids health / balance we tried our best to pick our kid up at 6pm as that’s already late for small kid and if it’s later at night everything shifts (dinner , bath, sleep, together time).
I actually pick my kid up and work a little more when he goes to bed at night just to balance things out … but spending time is to precious and you won’t get that back.
Try to make time … work will always be there but your kid grows up before you know it and you don’t want to miss that.
My wife and I work full time. Even though we both work mostly remotely, and have flexible schedules, it is still extremely challenging, and we’ve both had to sacrifice our careers to some degree.
I’d look into supplementary care options, especially for when your child is sick. There may be some special facility for that, otherwise you may need to hire a babysitter (you may be able to use [discount coupons](https://www.tokyodev.com/articles/discount-coupons-for-babysitters-in-japan-via-a-government-subsidy).
My wife passed away when our son was 2 months old. He’s been going to nursery since 10 months old, he’s almost 3 now and I had to pick him early once because he had a fever. Also I missed work 1 time also because he had a fever, otherwise it’s been no problem at all.
Holy crap your husband commutes that far everyday? That’s like 7500円 each way on the Shinkansen, 2500円 on regular rail but like 2.5 hours each way? Why don’t you guys move to Saitama atleast?
Either way this is why I don’t want children in Japan. Work culture is terrible. I’d recommend one parent quitting their job for the sake of the child.
There will be a lot of days when your child might feel unwell, especially in the beginning.
I worked as a preschool teacher and therapist for 10 years now so I can give you perspective from that side too.
Of course every child is different, some deal with it better than others, but most kids who stay late ask about their parents. I had some asking me why everyone can go early but they have to stay – “is work more important?”- something I heard a few times. that’s not only something I’ve heard in Japan, but also back in my home country and every time I feel… strange about that. Why do we spend so much time working but less on things that are important? (Not diminishing here that we need money lol, especially nowadays everything is so expensive!!)
I understand work situations – I’m also busy with two jobs – and that’s why I don’t have kids, at least for now. Of course preschool/hoikuen etc are very important for a child’s development and if the staff is professional, the environment safe and calm, i think there’s no problem in leaving your child there for many hours BUT consider what you are going to miss out on and your child as well.
I do think changing career or reducing hours might be good – also for your health of course! I talk with many parents who feel guilty, overworked, and stressed. We have a program so they can come in and talk with us twice a month so we can try and find solutions for their problems. Of course most of the time it’s the “no time” problem and that’s difficult to find a solution for. Some parents were incredibly sad because they missed out on their child’s first steps or even word. Of course we try to tell them everything what happens, but photos/videos will never be a good replacement…
I think that the child shouldn’t spend more time at school than with their family, but of course not everyone has the choice. The people who do though make hopefully time for the important things in life. Our time here is very limited and children are children only for a very short time ❤️
I wish you all the best and hope you can find the right way for your family 🙂
Hoikuen/International school teacher here! Every school is different but I’m addressing your concerns based on my experience on the other side. 🙂
7:30 to the evenings will be a bit long for a new student, but you do what you’ve gotta do. It sounds like there isn’t much wiggle room here.
If a student has a fever we do call for parents to pick up. At our school it doesn’t happen super often even though we check temps often. Our school is very adamant about washing hands, disinfecting, and all that jazz. We also communicate to parents to keep tabs on their kids and not send them if they are sick to avoid spreading illnesses.
Drop offs depend a lot on the kid. In my experience those that start school when they are very young, like yours, tend to do better than those that begin at 3/4 years old. My best advice for drop off is to just give the kid a hug and go. Even if they are upset. It’s really hard, but “ripping off the bandaid” helps the kid calm down a lot faster. Most of our younger kids get used to drop off after a week or two. One took a bit longer before he started to get better. Now he is excited and runs into the school in the morning ready to play.
Potty training is going to have way too many factors to really give you a prediction. At our school we start them potty training around 2, some earlier if they are ready. Our 18mo old loves to go in with the bigger kids and sit on the potty. We also have an almost 4 year old that still doesn’t like using the potty.
Bedtime is similarly difficult to predict. We have a nap time set for after lunch but we try to adjust timing to help the parents if bedtime is not going well.
The most important thing is to find a school that communicates well. If the teachers and parents communicate well, the kid will likely have a fairly easy transition.
> Are drop offs really hard?
Temporary as was said, just don’t look back for a bye-bye at first, I made that rookie mistake.
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Fevers, you can buy sometime by saying they run hot sometimes, ask them to take a layer off and check again in a few minutes, but the first few months they’re building an immune system in a world outside home, so expect a lot of stuff to hit. Pay attention to seasonal ailments, not just stuff like the flu, but Foot-and-Mouth Disease (te ashi kuchi byo), Impetigo (tobihi), Herpangina (that in katakana, haha), etc. Have food and drinks you can make easily for a sick kid in stock, as well as band aids for skin conditions, but leave the medications to doctors, you’ll save money as opposed to using OTC stuff.
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Keep in good communication and on good terms with the class teachers and staff, and expect things to happen in your little one’s new little society. *Both* my kids had facial injuries when I picked them up today, no big deal, so I just shrugged it off and ask if the other kids involved were okay. This helps when the situation is reversed, or when say, you’re rough-housing with your oldest and accidently catch him right above the eye (no wound, but man, did I sweat that for a while).
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You’ll feel like the worst person in the world doing that to them at first, than later a bit sad when they don’t want to go home. And the greatest when they see you and run up for a hug, ready to go home.
My family is lucky in a sense that my job is fully remote. Other than that though, basically the same situation with no family around to help. I say “in a sense” because once the daycare knows you work remotely, they will expect you to drop off and pick up immediately before and after your officially documented working hours, which means you don’t even get the typical commute time to yourself to breathe. This can be incredibly draining on your mental health. It also means that even if your spouse does have paid leave, they will automatically assume you will pick them up every time something happens and your PTO will evaporate or you have to juggle watching a small child and work at the same time, which again is very stressful, especially when your kid really is sick.
After having children we moved and wife got a new job which also means HALF A YEAR WITH NO PAID LEAVE at most companies. Keep that tidbit in mind when considering job/career changes as many are suggesting! This means in your case your husband will need to take a lot of time off or you will need to have your pay cut with unpaid leave and a bad early impression on your new company.
Yes, if your child gets a fever, you need to pick them up. Sorry to say, since these places are cesspools of disease, your kid will get a fever a lot in the early years, though I imagine that depends a lot also on their individual immune strength. For my younger daughter, I had to pick her up on average once every two weeks and sometimes for multiple day stretches watch her while trying to work and hold meetings as my own PTO drained pretty quickly.
Despite needing more people to have children, Japan really does not make it easy 😛
With you being the closest to your daycare, it seems like it will be on you to leave work and pick up your sick kid. Also, when they get sent home for being sick (and they will get sick) i assume all daycares follow the rule that my daughters daycare follows in that if/when they get sent home sick, they also are not allowed to attend the following day. They have to stay home (aka away from that daycare) at least 24 hours.
So… look into your Ku’s “sick daycare”. Not sure the Japanese but in Kawasaki we use this one: https://shoei-fukushikai.jp/angel
So if our daughter gets sent home, we take her to the doctor/clinic and get a sick note… then that allows us to use the Ku’s “sick daycare the following day (if they have space). Usually a few other kids getting over their cold there too. Doctor visits to check them. Lunch served, nap time. The works.
It is a little bit of “work”. Like you have to go to the doctor to get a note saying the kid is sick. Then you need to pack everything for the sick daycare (like clothes, diapers, plastic bags, etc) … i guess pretty normal for Japanese daycare, but its just a lot to prepare the night before you bring your child to one of these places. But really it is amazing help. We can drop her off at 8 or 9am and pick her up at 6pm so both my wife and i can work.
I think there are a few in each Ku so check yours. Then there is actually another level of “sick daycare”. … like if your kid is REALLY sick (39c) they don’t want them at the regular sick daycare to get other kids more sick… so my Ku has a separate extra sick day care where they keep each kid in their own room separate from others. We used this one https://www.fukushi-nijinokai.net/publics/index/29/
These special / emergency daycares have been so helpful so my wife and I can keep working.
And lastly… if sick daycare is full… we use this (expensive) babysitter company: https://byojihoiku.florence.or.jp/
Also drop off my daughter around 7:30 and pick her up between 17:30 (yea I dont work long). My wife then can work the whole day.
The first year they get sick more often, but there are also places you can bring your kid with fever (but we never used that since I could usually manage to do home office on these days).
Good luck and no worry! It will work out