Is it normal for a girlfriend to go on a trip to Tokyo with her friend to Disneyland but on the first day she goes drinking in a bar surrounded by other guys (like drinking and interacting with other customers ) idk I don’t want to sound insane but I’m from Eastern Europe and for me this is very strange and makes me feel uncomfortable I brought it up and it and a big fight happened am I wrong ? (Gf is Japanese btw) 24 years old #AITA
15 comments
As in a normal bar?
Yes, it’s normal for a person to go to a normal bar with their best friend.
Unless I missed something important, you sound like an awfully insecure and controlling partner.
Lol wtf of course that’s normal, get a grip.
Is it normal for adult women to have to report every action to a man in you home nation? If so, Japan isn’t going to be the place for you. The Dutch were amazed at the freedom Japanese women had when they first arrived. It’s almost like Japan treats women as regular humans.
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Also, Marriage is a social contract here, not a moral one. Lots of married folk sleeping around. It’s a “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation. “As long as you don’t bring it home”.
You sound really possessive
If you’re the jealous type, the Japan dating scene is probably not for you (it sounds like you view interactions between men and women very conservatively). Your big fight probably gave her a temptation to find less stress-free companionship elsewhere. Regardless of Japan or not, you seem like you have a controlling quality about you – and that won’t work in any modern 21st century relationship. No one, not a man nor woman, wants to be on a leash and under watchful eye.
Wtf is this post? XDDDDDD
Personally, I(US) wouldn’t do that to my husband(JP) nor want him to do that to me. hanging out at a bar or going out dancing is understandable, but interacting with the opposite gender in those scenes is not something I’d do or want him to do.
I’m sorry you’re going through that.
> she goes drinking in a bar surrounded by other guys (like drinking and interacting with other customers )
This is generally how bars operate. So yes, it is normal.
She can do whatever she wants. You’re giving off major neediness vibes, and it’s gonna turn her off you pretty fast.
Is that normal in eastern europe to care about that kind of thing?
If that bothers you, you probably shouldn’t date in Japan
Think of it this way – forget normal, not normal, right, wrong – *how does it make you feel*?
I don’t think anyone on reddit has enough context to your situation but if it feels off, if it makes you feel bad, then discuss it in those terms and if she has different ideas or feelings about it (maybe she thinks you are controlling or maybe she just doesn’t see an issue with it, etc.) then it is time to move on.
There are different types of people. I suspect I know what you are feeling and thinking, but hard to say looking at a black and white reddit screen.
I’ve been to Eastern Europe and there are plenty of social bars there too.. wtf?
Shes 24, she’s enjoying herself on a trip. Don’t be that guy who makes someone hate them by being a possessive creep.
Yes, it’s very normal to be surrounded by people at a standing bar. Yeah, she’s probably getting attention there. That’s life. I doubt your doing yourself any favours.
Yeah this relationship is pretty much done.
How did you find out about the bar stuff? Did you press her on it or did she willingly tell you?
Yea, there is something strange, but it’s not strange in a bad way really.
Isn’t the image of Disneyland like…the opposite of a bar? That’s why it feels strange.
There is a lot of “tradition” that goes along with Disney. Wearing the merch on the train on the way home, going in your school uniform, and a million other little things I don’t even know.
Anyway, I’ve been part of crowds at a bar and seen groups of women who all were out on the town before their big Disney visit. I’m not saying it’s like some kind of tradition everyone knows and does, but, I’ve seen it a bunch of times. I used to live walking distance to Disney, and now not that far away by train.
It seems weird to plan a really wholesome cute event and include “let’s get lots of drinks at a lousy bar!!!” on the list, but here we are.
People are calling you controlling and a bunch of stuff. Maybe maybe who knows. Nobody should call you names from a short post like this. That isn’t for us internet strangers to judge.
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So anyway you came with a question: what’s up with Disney + bar thing?
And I’m here to answer: “Ohhhh yea. Groups of girls getting drinks the night before Disney at some bar. Seen that a bunch of times. Yea it’s odd, but pretty normal.”
And no, I haven’t seen anyone act unfaithful. Drink more than they should though? Yea.
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Re the fight: You folks are looking at the same reality and seeing 2 different things.
Your behavior would be an enormous red flag 🚩 for me and I would run in the other direction if I were her. This posts reminds me of Opus Dei rules where members were discouraged from going to bars or places like the cinema where they may run into the opposite sex. Not a comparison you want to be in.
When I was in Japan recently I saw a married Japanese girl at a wine bar with another guy who were flirting with one another so I don’t think you shouldn’t have any concern at all like some people are saying.