RResidents in Japan

Caught my wife cheating early this year. She won’t stop talking to him.

Like the title says I caught her. We got new phones at the same time. Saw her old phone and went through it (things happened before that made me suspicious)Found pics of her on a date with some dude then him laying on the floor with his dick out. Immediately confronted her and she admitted. I’m not looking for advice for divorce or even marriage counseling. Decisions have been made on that front.

My question is, what can I do with this dudes phone number? She doesn’t know I have it and I know in the states there are reverse look up sights to get at least a name. I’ve considered messaging him and threatening him but I think that’s stupid. I also don’t speak Japanese and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t speak English. I’ve considered signing up to random websites with his phone to be petty. Idk I’m struggling and maybe some online interaction could help.

Edit: we have kids (I know they are mine). I’m SOFA in the military here, plan on getting a divorce when I get out after the student/work visa is completed.

The original intention of this post was to see if I could find his address with his number (in the states there are some sites that you could find info on them, although unreliable) but after some helpful comments I may look into a PI and lawyer. I am petty and do want revenge but I think the high road is the better path.

A lot of people are saying it’s not worth the money/hassle to sue him but to that I say; it’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message.

36 comments

  1. Your beef isn’t with him , it’s with your (hopefully ex ) wife.

    Any kind of anger should be directed toward you (again hopefully ex) wife.

  2. Uh don’t do what you’re thinking.

    I guess hire a pi if you want to sue him

    I dunno id just start cheating myself

  4. Go to the city office and sign a Fujuri Todoke. Now your wife cannot divorce you in your back.

    Go to see a lawyer and explain you want to sue the guy/ask for issharyo. The lawyer might have to hire a PI for getting more information about the guy and check his finances. Depending on his situation he might want to solve this outside of court. Then sue your wife.

    If everything goes well, you should make 1 to 3 millions. More if you have kids.

  9. What’s the reason you don’t want to divorce?
    I would not mess around with his phone number which can land you in trouble, I would sue him. You’ve got photos as evidence.

  11. If your spouse is cheating on you in Japan, you have right to ask for mental damage money not only to the lover (I heard this is not common in other countries) but also to the spouse, too.

    And if you have his phone number, you can ask lawyer to identify him, his name, address, etc. Lawyers are given right to ask a cell phone carrier to identify someone.

    So anyway, you don’t say what you want to do. But if you want to do something, just ask for damage money. And you don’t need to sue him. You can claim it to him first. You can sue him only if he does not pay.

    You definitely need a lawyer for it if you don’t speak Japanese.

  12. You can do whatever you want with that phone number, hey why not also trying suing his ass too? Really stick the nail in, make him regret what he did and pay. Except it’s your wife that cheated on you, not this guy. He may be an asshole, but she’s the one that’s done this to you. And she’ll do it again too, clearly. You won’t win here. Divorce.

  13. move on.

    the problem is with you and her, he is just her soft exit strategy.

    Acting like a dick just makes you feel like a sad dick rather than just a sad dude.

    sucks but hopefully you have no kids together

  16. I will agree with the other poster, you have no reason to threaten him. He didn’t cheat on you, SHE did. He may have known, that just makes him scummy, but SHE did it when she could have said no.

    What is your goal in threatening him? That he leaves her alone and you can go on living your life with someone who cheated on you and may not love you anymore? It sounds more like you’re punishing HIM more than your wife and giving her a pass. Maybe using a threat to make yourself feel better about the situation (feeling tough and manly idk, people get like that when people cheat). Even if he dropped off the face of the earth tomorrow, your situation doesn’t change. Your issue is with her, involving him, unless you go the legal route, isn’t going to make your situation any better.

  18. Hard to accept but if she is still talking to the guy after you finding out then it’s over. Then no way I would forgive my wife if she kept in contact with the guy she had an affair with.

  19. Send her away for a weekend! Book a hotel room with a spa or nice onsen! Tell her she works so hard! She needs some alone time (of course she’s gonna sneak him in) get the PI to follow!

    While the cats away, take the kids and leave the country!

  20. >what can I do with this dudes phone number?

    You can throw it away.

    In every conceivable universe, with every possible combination of atoms and photons and whatnot that could ever exist, there are exactly zero good things that could ever happen from you having his phone number.

    So, get rid of it. Move on. Time for the next act of your life, and the sooner you get on to it, the better for you, the better for your kids, and probably the better for your wife.

    No path to your happy flourishing life goes through fucking around with this guy. Get rid of it.

  24. If you’ve got the number, a lawyer can get the name to go with it from the provider if you’re suing.

  25. Like someone else said, “don’t hate the player, hate the game”. Getting mad at the guy isn’t going to do you any good. What you need to do is redirect your anger. Go play a sport? I would say go get you a side girl, but I fear qhat might happen in your emotional state.

  27. Hey dude, just to say that I’m sorry that this shit happened. What you do with the relationship going forward is up to you.
    You mentioned children- nothing you don’t already know, but they need their dad now (and going forward) more than ever. Easy to say when it’s not me in the hot seat, but forget that dude- he’s a loser. Burn his number, start rebuilding. You’ve got this.

  30. Yikes, how old are you my man? Want to order 10 pizzas to his house or something? If you ain’t going to sue, leave the guy alone.

  31. Just don’t, they aren’t worth it. Save the evidence and get a lawyer. Whatever your decisions are, that you said you made, move forward with your life.

  33. Your real issue is with the wife. Trust has been broken and boundaries have been crossed.The other dude is a genuine sleazeball for having an affair with a married woman but ultimately she made the choice to prolong the affair. However in my experience married people who start an affair tend to be unhappy in their own marriage. I hope both find happiness but I hope OP finds peace. Is marriage counseling a thing in Japan?

  34. This is why I sub here.

    Fucking grow a pair dude, also don’t let the north Koreans see this. Bitch ass posts like these will start ww3.

  36. Who keeps a cheating photo with the dudes dick out right on their phone. Sounds like a sociopath. Sorry for your suffering.

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