I (Australian) and my Wife (Japanese) are going to have a baby. This isn’t brand new, news, shes 5 months pregnant. Its just that it’s starting to dawn on me that I’m…actually going to be a Dad (yay)
I know lots in this group have been through this experience so I’m more looking for “geez I wish I knew that earlier” advice on Japanese bureaucracy or pretty much anything (try and keep Japanese specific although general advice probaly will be appreciated).
Thanks in Advance!
26 comments
Sleep when the baby sleeps. That’s it. That’s all you need to know.
Don’t buy cheap diapers.
Congratulations, welcome to the slightly stunned club! Ours is 9 months old and I still have to pinch myself occasionally.
Funny (or alarming?) story from my experience: when we had our first, I read a few US books on childbirth. One said “discuss your pain management options with your healthcare provider”. So I asked the nurse at the clinic we planned to use “What are your pain management options?”. She gave me a scornful look and said “We Japanese are strong with pain. There are no options.”
Have fun now, beers with friends, etc. Because later you’ll be heading home to bathe the little munchkin. Support your wife, every way you can. Cherish every moment, you’re in for some amazing times.
Be flexible and support your wife! There are bound to be things that will not go the way you planned but support each other and try not to get too hung up on anything because that baby is coming in hot and when it does come it will grow up very fast. Just enjoy being with them!
Congratulations!
Names.
Just first and last fits well in Japan. Having a middle name (or worse, “multiple” names in between the first and last), or a hyphenated name, while possible, can be difficult here.
And if the child will have more than one nationality, please, have the same legal name across all documents and IDs.
Purely based on my experience, maybe others had it differently. The first 6-7 weeks are the most difficult. It was so hard I lost 11kg. But after that things will get much better. Not easier. Better. You will learn your kid, he or she will get better at signaling what they want. You will start seeing personality, their habits, likes and dislikes. That’s when the fun begins. Your kid will make you happier and happier everyday. So I guess my advice is, if it gets very hard (and I hope my experience isn’t universal, and I wish you will have better than me), don’t lose hope.
Don’t buy a lot of clothes, people will give you so much that you won’t know what to do with it all.
When you go to register you kid with the Australian embassy to make sure they get citizenship by descent, there’s a whole bunch of weird hoops to jump through. I don’t remember exactly, but there was something to do with my son’s name being spelled the correct way on the Japanese birth registry and passport. Like, we had to do them in a certain order, otherwise the kid’s name would be spelled wrong on the Aus birth certificate which leads to the problems. Call the embassy and find out. They were very careful to make sure we did everything right since they have a lot of problems with it.
For the inevitable occasions when the baby will cry like crazy for hours and you’ll be sleep deprived:
Lay down the banshee in his/her cot and walk away – deep breath and come back once you are ready.
Otherwise buy a bottle steriliser thingy – saves lots of time.
Postpartum depression is a thing. Breastfeeding sometimes isn’t easy or even possible. Is ok to ask for professional help.
They’re quite strict with face height measurements in (Japanese ) passport pics. remember that the first weeks are hell , once they smile and sleep a little bit longer it gets WAY better.
Congratulations for the new family addition, wishing you both the best !
Congratulations and be prepared for some strange linguistic gatekeeping among online childcare message boards. For example, try to decipher the following :
“I asked my SO to contact our MD if they knew the EDD. They said they weren’t sure but had good news the baby had NAD, LSCS wasn’t necessary and to contact the M/W close to December for MLC.”
Good luck!!!
Start buying and stockpiling single-use items now. (Diapers, wetwipes, etc) When you’re stressed out with a crying baby at 4am, the last thing you need is to be short on diapers. Also, they’re expensive. The cost can sneak up on you if you don’t budget for all of that stuff.
Take care of your wife as much as you take care of the baby. Read up a little on post-partum depression and give her support if you see signs.
Merries First Premium diapers are like butterfly kisses soft. They’re expensive but if your baby has fussy skin, go.
At some point the only thing you will be doing is washing bottles/plates, changing diapers, washing clothes, doing dishes, changing diapers, washing clothes…that counts as work. It’s surviving. Survive.
Babies like it cooler to sleep. It’s safer for them to sleep in the cool. Throw a humidifier in their because their little sinuses dry out so easy.
There will be pee or poop or milk or spit up on you at all times. It’s fine.
Speak English to your child as much as possible. Read to them from day one. They’ll thank you when they are older.
If you’re a public transit user, get the lightest weight stroller made to fit on public transit. Don’t buy the padded beast with the giant snack tray and cargo hold. Go to the stores and try them out. This is not a purchase you want to whip out in 30 seconds on Amazon.
If you have the time, workout and exercise. You need a lot more energy and strength. Baby things are heavy, and you will need to carry a lot.
I took 2 months parental leave. Not enough… If I had to do it again i’d take at least 4-6 months.
My wife took out an extra hospitalization insurance from Co-Op Kyousai. She was worried about emergency C-section or something. I was surprised that you can subscribe even while already pregnant (the mother of pre-existing condition) but that was no issue. She ended up having early contractions at 29 weeks and got stuck in the hospital with an IV of contractions blocking meds until delivery at week 35 and we got a huge payout from the insurance for that. I’d say it was a good move.
Split the duties.
If your partner changed the diaper last time, get up and do it this time.
If they put the baby to bed last time do it tonight.
Don’t wait to get asked to help.
Help when and how you can.
Obviously it will never be perfectly even, but your effort will go a long way to the happiness of your whole family, and it’ll bond you with your kid.
I’m still trying to make sure I keep up. It isn’t easy, but when I can do it, the reward is there.
My Japanese wife and I are also having ours in January! Can’t wait. Good luck!
Whatever the age, don’t yell at your kids when they drop a cup full of water, when they draw something on a wall or when they do something they aren’t supposed to do. Instead discuss with them about why it’s not good to do that and ask them to help you to clean (for example), even if/when they are too young. After a few years, it’s very, very rewarding, for your kid and for the parents.
Only comment I have. Hold little one as much as possible. Use to love little ones on my chest and they fall asleep while relax. The buggers grow up too quick and become too cool. So enjoy while you can! Congratulations
If/when the baby only wants mom and you are trying to figure out how to help, do things to help out your wife directly instead; dishes, laundry, whatever else you can find that you can take off her list of to do chores.
I’ll give you wife advice. If shes up feeding you’re up with her even if you’re not doing shit. If she says no honey it’s okay you need to sleep for work tomorrow ITS A LIE AND SHE WILL HOLD IT AGAINST YOU.
Rub her back or just sit by her.
I used to change my kids diaper and then hand them off to the wife for feeding and go back to sleep and she STILL wont let me forget it.
Your wife is about to push a tiny human out of a tinier hole. She is then going to have to feed and care for it 24x7x365 for YEARS.
No amount of work you are doing now or in the future is going to be enough. Learn how to change diapers immediatly. Learn how to give baths. Help with the supplemental feeding. Clean the house often and without being asked. Do the dishes take out the trash do whatever you can. Get up with her and offer to feed the baby. Give her as much help and support as you can and realize that nothing you can do is going to come close to what she’s spending on the new sprog.
That is all.