I’ve been living in Tokyo as a Japanese language student for two months now which means my Japanese conversational skills are getting there, enough to crack a few jokes and I will possible be here for two more years. That said, I’d like to ask for a few pointers, especially when it comes to dating.
I’m going to preface that I’m male, 30, I’m not attractive at all, or ugly, I’m boringly average as I’ve been told and to make matters worse I’m disabled in one leg which makes me kind of walk with a limp, with that out of the way, I’ve been trying meetups and going to clubs in Shibuya as well as dating apps.
I’ve made quite a few good guy friends through meetup so that’s definitely a W there but when it comes to women… well, I’ve met a bunch who give me their LINEs but they never really respond to me after a few days, it’s like they get bored and move on (which kinda makes me think I’m really boring lol), which could really just sum up to a lack of similar hobbies. As for dating apps, it’s even worse, I get matched with a decent amount who never write me back on the first message (Pairs) or talk for a while and when it’s time to set up a date they just go radio silent (Bumble and OkCupid). I’m also mostly into gaming but it’s not a hard requirement, would be nice to find a girl with same interests though (why I’m studying Japanese because I want to be a game translator).
Based on these experiences any advice would be appreciated!
6 comments
I can’t give you much advice other than don’t take the lack of communication personally. Online dating is a complete crapshoot. I recommend joining in community activies if possible, such as international meet-ups, cooking classes, and volunteering. Getting the experience of joining those activities should be your main goal – meeting a potential dating partner would just be a nice bonus.
Continue to do your own things while occassionally using dating apps. Challenge yourself, study, exercise, and try new experiences.
Dating would fail for you no matter what culture you try to date:
No self-confidence.
Treating women as a separate species instead of just another person. That reeks of desperation.
Are you white though? If so, you just need to show up, and the women will automatically come. If not.. sorry my man.
Are you rich or have some kind of career? Seriously…a 30 year old student with no work prospects doesn’t sound attractive unless you are already rich.
You’ve only been here for two months, I always wonder the motivation of people who come here and immediately decide that their priority is finding a date right away (along with the line mentioning that if you can’t find someone you’ll just move home as if that’s the only reason you came here). If you’re serious and a decent person just do your normal routine and opportunities will come along, don’t try to rush it.
Have you been able to make friends through language school? The people I know who were in language school here longer term (6 months or more) all had better social networks than I since they were able to make friends in a “school” setting.
Not to sound harsh, but from looking at the details of your post and comments a bit closely, it seems like dating is your main focus right now. You have been here for only two months and have already tried multiple dating apps/sites, meetups, and clubs and are considering trying to pick up women at izakaya, it seems a bit desperate.
Echoing what other commenters have said, I think you should focus on getting yourself established socially by making friends through school, getting into some hobbies, going to the gym, or maybe even getting a part time job. Through all of these things you will meet people organically and possibly have a better chance of (eventually) passively finding someone with similar interests that you could date, rather than actively hunting like it seems you are doing now.
I think the above is even more relevant if you are average looking, as you said, and not wealthy with a high-powered job. Attractive and wealthy people can just use their looks/money to get dates easily, but for everyone else it is better if it happens organically; also online dating is a mess these days.
Of course, if you are looking to just hook up then the above doesn’t apply and I can’t help you.