I feel guilty and like a bad person hiding this from my partner, but he gets mad and upset when it happens so I don’t wanna tell him.
A guy just talked to me in the cafe, asked about my book I’m reading so I talked to him a little about some things like, books, living in Japan. (Now I realise I should not have talked to him at all maybe ??) Then he invited me to go for a drink and asked me my LINE. I said no and he politely said okay and then he left. Not a problem
But if I tell my partner this happened he will be really upset. Is it dishonest not telling him?
30 comments
Whenever I tell my wife that another woman talked to me she laughs in my face.
Not a girl
I feel like I wouldn’t want to know every time. Not because it bothers me, but because this is a fairly trivial encounter.
If someone was unusually pushy or something else out of the ordinary happened, maybe. But not otherwise.
You may want to reconsider the partner. He sounds alarmingly possessive. Though in Japan people generally don’t hang out alone with members of the opposite sex when in relationships, you didn’t do anything wrong at all. You weren’t interested, and let the man know.
To answer the original question – not really. It’s not really a big deal, but that’s kind of why your partner getting that upset sounds a biiiit like a red flag. Not to pry too much, but it might be a good idea to talk with him and find out why he reacts that way. Maybe there’s something deeper there that can be addressed
There’s a lot to unpack here. You had an ordinary conversation with someone in public. There is nothing wrong with that nor should you feel compelled to tell your partner.
Edit: also that your partner has made you feel this way tells me something is wrong.
Why would your partner get upset? Anyone that gets upset by that is usually overcompensating for his small penis.
Tim to get a new partner.
Why would you feel the need to tell him in the first place? Is it a bit of an ego boost to show him that other guys find you attractive? I am really not sure what your dude is supposed to do with that information. It seems totally pointless.
My (Japanese) husband couldn’t care less. He’s also fine if I want to have dinner or drinks with my male friends (he knows them).
It doesn’t sound good that he’s getting so upset with this.
How old are you? 5? Does your partner tell you about everyone who talked to him everyday? Grow up. Being an adult is having conversations with random strangers ma’am.
As an adult who thinks for them self, I don’t feel the need to brag about every person who hits on me because this is super common in big cities in the US so I’m used to it. I don’t need the attention so I have no interest in entertaining each person who tries to talk to me. I respect my SO and bring it up casually and tell them how I handle it. No need to make them feel bad.
To be honest, this post is quite strange.
>if I tell my partner this happened he will be really upset
Run — don’t walk — to the exit of this relationship.
A healthy guy’s reaction would be somewhere between
* politely nodding at this boring story just like if you’d described a dull meeting at work that he doesn’t care about, and
* being 2% more possessive for 3 minutes until he forgets about it entirely.
Anything more than that is a big flapping red flag that indicates a dangerous need to control you. The fact that you expect he’d get “really upset” suggests you’ve had that experience with him before. Don’t hang around for that; it only gets worse as it gets normalized.
This has literally never been an issue. Being a human, I’ve talked to people who turned out to be seeing someone else. I can imagine that my partner never chose who chose to chat her up. Unless she prefaced the conversation with, “this guy keeps talking to me and he’s not taking the hint,” it’s just a completely normal incidence.
Big ups to the dude saying his wife laughs in his face when a woman chatted him up.
Not a girl but when I told my partner that a swimming instructor was hitting on me every time I went to the gym he bought a bunch of gym equipment and converted one room of our house into a home gym so that I didn’t need a gym membership anymore.
To be honest, it sounds like you need to work on your low self esteem if you feel the need to make a post a like this. Sooooo many people get hit on from both genders that it’s a fairly common thing to the point where it’s normal and your average adult doesn’t think too much of it. If you weren’t hit on back home, maybe try talking to a therapist on why you have difficulty handling this.
Id like to know if you feel unsafe. For example, if you’re being repeatedly harassed by someone at a cafe. Or you refuse to go to a place with me because someone who annoys you might be there.
Otherwise, if I’m with you it means I trust you enough to say no. I don’t need to know
Fuck no.
Can only cause drama.
And signal that you are insecure and need to tell them for affirmation.
Since few people seem to be actually answering your question… no, I do not, because it just doesn’t seem that important. The only time I would share is if there was something noteworthy about it… like if the guy said something particularly ridiculous that I thought would be funny to share, or if he had food on his face or his fly open or something else that would make it an amusing anecdote.
I think if your partner becomes really upset simply at the prospect of you having polite conversations with the opposite sex in public, the problem is with him and not you. The situation you described sounds completely innocuous – sure, the guy was probably looking for a date but it sounds like he was perfectly polite and immediately took ‘no’ for an answer and moved on. There is nothing there that should even remotely annoy your partner unless he has some serious insecurities or jealousy issues.
So… this is impossible to answer with a yes or no. Everyone is different with different baggage and has different reasons for reacting to this stuff. If you really care about this relationship find out the why. Is he insecure? Was he cheated on before and has some trauma? Is he possessive? Is he misunderstanding what or why you are telling him (maybe it comes off as bragging or trying to make him feel like you have options)?
Nobody here can honestly tell you the why. If you care and want this relationship to work, you need to confront these issues and talk them out. Both explaining yourself so he understands you, and listening to him and understanding him. That is all the advice I can give here, as I don’t know you or him.
If you are gaijin your boyfriend needs to chill, because you are foreign and people are bound to show interest. Most of these interactions are trivial/ not memorable.
But as long as you are faithful why tell him something you know that will upset him. It would be different if it was the same guy but if it’s always a random stranger it’s probably best left unsaid. Always put yourself in their position, how would you feel, than act accordingly.
You can only control your own actions and if you do something dishonest well that’s on you, be true to yourself.
No, because I’m not a child? Getting vibes of dysfunction from both you and your boyfriend. This sort of thing isn’t an issue for mature people in healthy relationships
Sounds like a issue with your partner.
You talked to someone at a cafe, they thought you were nice and asked for your line, you declined. End of story.
I tell my partner when I get hit on at work as a “omg ew I was a captive audience.”
And we share mutual disgust towards people who hit on those who can’t leave the situation.
Otherwise it doesn’t matter. If you don’t entertain the idea and turn them down then where is the issue? That you talked to someone briefly? Nahhhhh
Unless something funny happens, I wouldn’t mention it. But I don’t see why it should bother him if you said no.
OP, please reconsider your relationship with your boyfriend. He gets upset if you interact with any men in any way?? He gets upset over situations where men approach YOU and you have no control over that? These are *red flags*.
To answer your original question, I would only tell an SO if I found it particularly amusing so we could both have a laugh, or if I actually felt my safety was compromised. The interaction you explained was very trivial and the man respected your boundaries. If you think your bf would get angry over that interaction, I strongly advise you to leave him. He sounds very controlling and possessive. It’s not cute.
Your partner has issues.
That’s not really a healthy relationship if he gets mad at you when guys talk to you, he shouldn’t get mad it should be a boost ( guys flirt but you are in his arms) but it’s how you handle the flirting that bothers him maybe, do you tell the other guys you have a bf? Or do yuns have a past that gave him trust issues? If it’s those two things then I can see, but if there’s no reasons of them or anything that jeopardize a relationship then I’d run cause that is a sign that he isn’t going to be a good person in the long run and things can get worse
One time on a night out at a festival a drunk man asked me to sit in his lap and later kissed my hand as a farewell. I told my partner and he was pissed AT THE GUY, not at me. He was mad because yeah someone literally kissed his partner but he calmed down very quickly and it was never a problem. If someone gets that pissy about you so much as INTERACTING with another male, they have a screw loose.
I’m a guy. My wife generally doesn’t tell me. Getting nampa’d is a fact of life here. we only mention it if it’s something hilarious, weird, or creepy.
I might think to mention it to him, and I might not. It would make no difference either way, since my partner isn’t a jealous abusive asshole who would get angry at me for something that stupid and petty.
When you are in an abusive relationship long enough it warps your sense of normal. This guy has convinced you that other men being attracted to you is somehow your “fault” and that you are “cheating” on him, merely by existing in the world as an attractive woman.
That’s not normal. That’s not even close to normal.
People should be able to speak to members of the opposite sex without their partner flying off the handle and making absurd accusations. Believe me when I tell you that he is doing this to control you. I’ll bet that this isn’t the only way he is trying to exert control, either.
Does he also police your whereabouts when you leave the house?
Do you need his permission to meet friends?
Does he call you when you are out to quiz you on where you are to make sure you didn’t lie to him?
Does he exert control over other aspects of your life, such as who you can be friends with, or whether you can meet your family?
Does he try to listen in on your phone calls, or regularly check your phone to make sure you aren’t talking to a guy?
Get out now, while you still can, while you are still questioning the right and wrong of how he treats you. He will fuck with your mind until you stop believing you have any rights other than the ones he begrudgingly grants you.
No. What for?
I’m a girl living in Japan too!
Nampa is super common here especially if you are walking alone in Shinjuku, Shibuya, Ueno and more. I get nampa every time I go out alone tbh and I witnessed Japanese girls getting them too. I don’t mention it to my partner because I don’t think it’s a big deal and it’s just a really common occurrence for girls here. My friends get them a lot too
I got nampa’d at a 7-11 before and I actually got pressured into giving my line to him and I blocked him immediately.
A lot of guys that do this only want to sleep with you so please be careful