In the context of sitting on the floor I mean. I have had a comment before about sitting cross-legged, they were implying its considered a masculine thing to do. They didn’t sound annoyed or anything (I don’t think?) but maybe they were silently judging me, who knows. It’s hard for me to sit any other way for long periods of time, certainly cannot sit seiza at all.
I am just genuinely curious, is it rude to sit cross-legged as a woman in Japan?
44 comments
No
Honestly you do you. I sit seiza to start with but I can’t keep that up for long. If I can’t sit with my knees to my chest (when wearing a dress/skirt) I sit cross legged. I’ve never been called out on it. Honestly a lot of those times were company drinking parties when everyone’s just chilling. No one cared.
Just do what is comfortable. If someone gets offended by you sitting cross legged then they are an idiot 😂
It’s probably rude/provocative/unladylike to some people, especially older Japanese (women) if you’re sitting cross legged on the floor in a short skirt but i have never heard of a woman getting judged just for sitting cross legged on the floor, especially if that’s the only place to sit haha.
Perhaps you’d be getting silently judged if you were sitting next to some racist obaasans who were sitting in seiza in kimonos but otherwise you’re probably just thinking too much lol.
you’re prob not Japanese so no
when in doubt ninja kneel
I misread it at first and thought about sitting cross-legged on a chair, haha.
Do you mean sitting cross-legged on the floor, such as Tatami, like a yoga pose? I think it’s considered a little bit masculine behavior in Japan; more precisely, it’s seen as a bit unsophisticated. While it’s acceptable in a yoga class, I haven’t seen many Japanese ladies sitting like that on the floor. However, some women do, and I don’t mind it much. Older generations, especially well-educated older ladies, do not appreciate this behavior.
I’m a young man, but I didn’t like sitting like that when I was younger, as I thought it wouldn’t be sophisticated, but I do now.
Anyways, I don’t think it’s rude at all, but some people don’t like it sometimes.
1st nobody gives a single fuck
2nd nobody gives a single fuck
3rd nobody gives a single fuck
I don’t understand why people give shit about how people sit.
Like many things the foreigners trying to be Japanese care the most
It’s tolerated if there is no other way. Men are usually allowed to, women tend to sit in a relaxed seiza with the legs together to one side. The main issue with cross-legged sitting is showing the sole of the feet, it’s a no-no.
For what it’s worth, in tea ceremony, men are expected to show more endurance, and switching from seiza to cross-legged is permitted, but certainly not ideal. Some people use a mini chair to sit on during seiza, that fits between the feet. Otherwise, people are expected to lift their buttocks off their feet a little to ease the incomfort. But in the end, it’s been shown that the max. time is about 15~20 minutes before numbness sets in, in seiza.
In kindergarden they had some manner lessons. They were told that sitting cross legged is for boys and with the knees to your chest for girls (legs to the side as an adult I guess).
In real life manners are not always followed and I don’t think it’s a problem to sit crossed legged as a woman (wearing trousers) but I can’t remember seeing women sitting like this.
Literally nobody cares. I swear to fucking god influencers on instagram have made it seem like there are so many rules in Japan and if you don’t abide by them you literally die.
Just don’t be a dick head and you’ll be fine, just like anywhere in the world
women can’t catch a break, can we
I know schools can be picky about making the kids sit a certain way, but haven’t necessarily heard any comments about how an adult was sitting before, especially outside of specific situations like tea ceremony or something
that being said, I googled it for fun in Japanese to see what comes up (あぐらをかいて座る + 女) and there are some results for people talking about the same thing as you. Skimming through them, it seems like yeah, the older generations (who wore kimono) were taught that women shouldn’t sit like that but lots of comments from (I assume younger?) people stating that it shouldn’t matter.
Here was one of the articles I read discussing it if you’re curious: [女性は「あぐら」をかいてはいけない？ | 田舎の「あっぽ」都会の「あっぽ」 (ameblo.jp)](https://ameblo.jp/w-tummy/entry-12743798193.html)
Here is a “non Reddit”and real world answer: yes, sitting cross legged is more masculine and to a certain extent “un-ladylike”. I wouldn’t use the word “rude” though. If you are on tatami floor, a “ladylike” posture can be 正座 or 横座り.
Now, whether that is important to you, or to the people you are with, or to the situation you are in, is a different question. Maybe they don’t care. Maybe you don’t care. Or maybe you have physical constraints. Or maybe you purposefully want to send that vibe. These are all a different “layer” of discussion which require more contextual information.
If you care, and if you can’t physically sit any other way, then one food for thought – you could consider saying “腰が悪いから(体制を)崩してもいいですか or something along those lines.
Plenty of female children (8, 9, 10). Sit on the floor with legs splayed or crossed, underwear in full view if wearing shorts or a skirt. Nobody tells them not to do it. 🤷♀️The modesty thing seems to be nonexistent for children at least.
I hate sitting on the floor personally. I will put my arms behind me and lean back. I’ve been chided to not do *that* sort of thing. Nobody has said anything about my legs though.
Don’t worry about it. As long as you are comfortable. It’s informal and manly, but as long as you are not crossing a bunch of other social boundaries, it shouldn’t count against you.
Depends where and when I suppose.
Most schools I’ve been in have girls sit with their legs in front of them, knees slightly bent with their skirt hinging over and arms hugging their thighs to keep it in place. If there’s a table or they’re arranged in limited space, they’re often kneeling (which looks incredibly uncomfortable for long periods of time). They’re allowed to sit however they like in gym clothes but most do the leg hugging thing out of habit. I would presume a lot of women hold onto these habits as ‘ladylike’ behaviour.
Seiza is a killer, isn’t it?
You can buy seiza seats or cushions that make it a lot easier.
Actually, just remembered, ages ago I was sitting seiza style on tatami but with my legs to one side like an obasan (I’m a guy) and some Japanese male friends ribbed me a bit for it.
Since then I have noticed that most Japanese guys avoid sitting that way but oyajis who don’t give a f@ck any more sometimes sit like that at a nomikai.
Sorry to go on about the male perspective… not sure about how women judge other women.
idk about sitting cross legged, but i’ve gotten curious comments about just sitting on the floor at all, because, you know, gaijin only sit on furniture, lol
It’s considered rude in Asia to show the soles of your feet to others.
comes down to reading the room.
in casual setting it’s done by the younger generation but mostly if you are in sportswear or with intimate friends. probably frowned upon by more conservative minds but it’s not offensive, just judged as a touch uncouth.
when in doubt follow the lead of everyone else and ask someone whose opinion you value.
honestly, it’s not so much rude, as seen as obnoxious/uncultured/unwomanly. kinda like when dudes manspread on the train. or like when women express a strong opinion in polite conversation. or like when a woman is ambitious and wants to be career-oriented. Do I think it’s fair, or acceptable? obviously not. but your question was whether it’s rude, not whether it’s just. so yes, you were probably being judged, but they didn’t say anything likely because they didn’t expect you to “know better” as a foreigner, and/or they just dont like conflict.
When I started to live under the same roof with my MIL she used to give me “lectures” of what behaviors she’d expect me to show, apparently taken straight from how she was told by her own MIL (a.k.a. my husband’s grandmother) who was kinda orthodox about how a Japanese “lady of the house” should act. One of the things she was appalled about was how I’d cross my legs whenever we sit together on the ~~floor~~ tatami. I couldn’t care less, and she also quickly realized I wouldn’t budge (and the fact *I’m not Japanese* to begin with)—so now she generally leaves me alone and only reminds me to sit in *seiza* (or at least put my legs together on my side in more “ladylike” manner) if we’re at a relative’s place (ETA: I still sit cross-legged if we’re sitting under a kotatsu where they can’t see my legs anyway) lol
Lowkey it is considered rude or at least unladylike. But it also depends on the context, and people of different generations will care different amounts. Like I would never sit cross-legged at work, and I would avoid doing so, say, in front of of my bf’s parents the first few times I met them, but among friends who cares.
How much you wanna follow those rules and blend in is up to you. Sitting other ways isn’t uncomfortable for me anyway, and I want to mind my manners because I’m here for the long haul and try to at least kind of blend in and make a good impression, so i sit other ways. But if it’s physically hard for you there’s no need to push yourself, and if you tell people that when it comes up i’m sure no one will judge you.
Just do whatever tf you want. I do it all the time. As long as its not the wrong place to do it, I personally don’t GAF. All the old fks can judge away because at the end of the day im not japanese and not bound by those outdated “not lady like” ” too masculin” BS rules made by dinosaurs.
wouldent do it at a soushiki or sado situation, other than that who cares
Cross-legged in a chair or on the train? I feel it’s considered a very Western thing to do, a bit ostentatious. More so for women than men.
Cross-legged on the floor, like yoga pose? Rather informal.
Cross-legged on the floor with legs stretched out? I imagine the stretched out part jars the older generation, regardless of gender.
My 2c: you’re your own person, sit the way you like. Someone’s gotta teach the world some progress, for legs’ sake!
Not rude; just a faux-pas. (Although crossing one’s legs while sitting on a train – male or female – is considered rude).
Does it matter? I’ll disagree with a lot of the posters ITT and say respect the culture of the country you’re in. If it’s a mobility/physical issue, no harm in asking for one of those little stools.
(I’ll add: in my experience, sitting seiza is one of those things that gets remarkably easier with practice)
It’s apparently rude to sit cross legged in chairs here, male or female
kinda weird, and I’ve never really gotten confirmation on whether it’s true or not, but I rarely if ever see Japanese people cross their legs
Rude? No. Proper etiquette? Not really. If you can’t seiza or sit with your legs together, you do you and sit however possible for you. You may want to ask for a low-rise chair which are popular with seniors which allows them to sit comfortably while keeping the legs closed together.
I prefer crossing my legs, giving badass to my surroundings.
Not rude, just not feminine, or “uncultured” or informal.
So if you’re somehow in a formal setting where you’re expected to behave your best in Japan, against Japanese, then you should probably avoid cross-leg sitting.
Just do whatever you feel comfortable with. Some older folk might think it’s “un-womanly” but I wouldn’t give a flying f since it doesn’t inconvenience anyone.
I’m a dude and have a messed up hip so I sit with my legs to one side like a woman. I’ve tried stretching it and everything and there’s just no way I’m ever going to be able to sit in the “man way”.
People ask why, I tell them, and it’s all good. I assume the same will be true for you. People will understand if you’re uncomfortable.
Yes it’s considered rude by the prim and proper, but how much stock do you actually put to their words? I’m half Japanese and I still don’t give a fuck.
Absolutely. If you must sit cross-legged, it is highly recommended that you do it as a man.
As others have said, it seems to be more of an “unladylike” thing. I was chastised by a guy I was on a date with once for sitting cross-legged in an izakaya, “because other men might see up your skirt”. Lol if some old bastard throws his back out trying to look up my skirt, that’s their problem. Never went out with that guy again.
Who cares. You do you.
I don’t think it’s any worse than sitting like that in western countries. It’s considered unladylike, but most young people don’t seem to care unless they’re wearing a skirt. Most of the girls I know here sit cross-legged when they’re wearing pants
Only the stuffiest of grandmothers really care. I remember at a work thing, I sat in seiza without thinking and everyone was like “oh my god, you don’t have to force yourself to do that. It’s not the Meiji Era. You can sit comfortably.” (I’m a woman). When we had enkais where the tables were low with floor seating, everyone sat cross legged. Some women would switch between cross legged and legs to the side, but that was just based on comfort.
If you’re in a super formal situation like tea ceremony or something then there are more rules, but tea ceremony has like 8,000 rules that no one actually follows outside of tea ceremony.
If someone actually gives you shit for sitting cross legged on the floor, it’d the equivalent of someone in the US giving a woman shit for crossing her legs while sitting in a chair. Yes, it was considered crude in like 1950s, but if you care about that nowadays that says more about you than me
two words hell naaah
> maybe they were silently judging me
This is pretty safe to assume in every single interaction you have in this country.
Who cares?