I joined an mma gym which was a big bonus for me coming to japan and it has been mostly good. Most people are pretty friendly and i’ve gone out to eat with the group there and to some nomikais with them.
After rolling today we clean the gym together and this Japanese guy walking by me in the most abrupt, non chalant and sneaky way just sneaks his hand onto my penis. I told him no, fuck no. Dame. Fuck no dame. And he acted offended, saying “why something something.” I honestly wanted to confront him but with the energy I had I knew it could escalate. I dont wunna goto jail here in Japan. Im just fucking pissed. Back in hs wrestling days i know some guys had gotten their “oil checked” in wrestling matches and more, but this was not dirty it was just plain sexual assault. I dunno if I can sleep tonight Im just so angry. I always told myself going there if things got heated and fight energy broke out i’d defend myself and walk away from the situation. I try to never have fight energy there. If I goto the police i think it’s likely he will jsut deny it and I could end up losing all those friends and make an enemy with this fucker. To be honest, this guy has always been ok around me never disrespected me and never turned up the heat in practice (a couple of other guys have done that to me though this is the exception). One other foreigner at another gym in Tokyo got a ruptured testicle. Im really just not processing shit right now. I dunno
27 comments
So you were sexually assaulted and you didn’t inform the gym and go to the police?
The gym has memberships. They can easy tell you or police who the suspect is as they know everyone who goes through their doors.
Just go to the police. Who gives a fuck if you make an enemy of the assailant or lose any of the friends you had at the gym? If they are cool with casual sexual assault why do you want to be friends with them?
If they are cool with this guy touching their dicks that’s their own prerogative. You don’t have to accept that behavior on your own.
As the other post you were assault go to the police inform the gym. I know it sucks possibly losing a group of friends. If a guy did it to you he probably has done it to others. If you do not want to do it for yourself do it for the other people at the gym, many of which might be teens or kids.
I feel I just seen this post – anyways man just sleep it off and re-assess tomorrow. Either quit the gym or next time you see him mention to him that it bothered you and it wasn’t cool.
Definitely do not start a fight in a gym because there are probably some strong athletes in there you can’t judge by looking at.
Talk to the coach / owner about it. Or just get eye for an eye and pop him back hard so he knows what’s up. You could legit wear a cup
You should have reported it to the gym management right after it happened. I was at the gym several years ago talking to the guy at the locker next to me when this strange guy came up right behind us completely naked and started dancing around behind us. It was creepy. I reported it to one of the gym instructors and pointed out the guy and I never saw him there again.
Does the gym have cameras? They might have caught it on video which you could show the police.
If you end up rolling on the mat again with this guy be sure to knock his shit out.
I was at one point grabbed full on by the crotch while on a train by a Japanese girl. (Who was in a high school uniform) As a grown ass adult….
A very (Oh fuck no..) Situation.
Japan is just, fucking strange some times…
Depends how much compensation you want doesn’t it?
If you don’t care about money, or the fact that you got your oil checked, and want to avoid the problem, go somewhere else….
If you want some cash out of the deal, tell the shop it happened and that you’re going to tell the police…. the hush money will problably be worth having your oil checked…
If you just want revenge on the dirty fudger, go to the police and report him.
But I’d get used to it to a certain extent… I’ve had my oil checked half a dozen times since I’ve been here, some skin on skin, others rather impressively cupping my girth, you just learn to ignore it.
I always look at it like this, if they need to check mine they either are insecure about themselves or they’re gay and that’s the best action they’ve had all month. Either way, doesn’t do me much damage in the long run, and as I am not in my 20s anymore, sometimes it’s been a while over here too.
Also if you do decide to go to the police station (not koban), be totally prepared for them to laugh it off just in case you get miserable old Taro instead of a young representative.
I was sexually assaulted once and I never told anyone. It slowly affected my psyche and I didn’t even realize it. It made me slowly become a person who didn’t wanna be noticed and I struggled a lot of insecurity and pride.. had no idea it was the assault that made me that way. You definitely need to talk to someone about it I’d say to make sure you’re healthy and stay that way if you’re nothing gonna even report it. Take some time and think about it.
Join another gym after reporting this fuckface
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Just report to the police and leave bro.
This happened to me in Mexico in the subway. Luckily, when I told him to stop he jumped back and apologized profusely. What on earth makes people think this is a good idea??
You should talk to the gym leader about this.
If you don’t feel comfortable telling the police yourself, talk to the gym owner.
As a gym owner, I take these things very very seriously and every other gym owner I know does.
Plus there are laws about privacy in Japan with what you disclose to a service provider. So the owner would have an understanding of helping you through the process with the police and discreetly pushing that other member out.
These laws regarding personal information are very strict on businesses for reasons like this.
find out from your Japanese friends what the appropriate response is , its best imho to work within the cultural values of their country you are in , otherwise ,,,trouble
You were so shocked that you had to post this twice?
“One other foreigner at another gym in Tokyo got a ruptured testicle.”
Talk about burying the lede.
Hey, I see a lot of people here say “go to the police. Report him. Report him to gym”. You might experience shock right now and feel a bit confused about what happend to you. That is fine that is normal. Take some time to go through the feelings and don’t feel guilty for not wanting to take action either. Fact is that a lot of people do ignore SA, especially when it is like this, because it “seems so small. Maybe they were mistaken” and because you are a man that is doing MMA. I am sorry you had to experience that, and I hope you will do better soon.
Op has posted in other subreddits the same story Im not sure what he trying to accomplish
What I can tell you is that Japanese attitudes towards genitalia are a bit more lax than the West’s. Yes, it actually seems more or less a thing to just touch people there if you’re trying to get chummy. Among men it even seems to be a “camaraderie” thing. Go to any bar and bullshit around with Japanese guys and they will ask you, I guarantee you, how big your penis is and they’ll talk about their erections.
Realize how Japanese culture doesn’t have the same sense of shame that Western cultures have, people bathe in public here and nobody really cares. Doesn’t make it any less unacceptable and I hope you feel better about it but you should consider the cultural differences.
I thought you were a woman OP?
You said you were one after someone asked you if you were a female in a previous post you did complaining about working sheets after working time in a ALT.
Trolls are really making an effort to come up with fake posts these days huh
Trying to process this thread with multiple people saying they’ve had their junk fondled by random strangers on multiple occasions. How has the culture formed for this to be acceptable and why isn’t perfectly measured retaliation not acceptable?
This sort of male on male sexual harassment has happened to me about… 3 times? across my years here. They were all pretty much in the same way as you describe. I think you did the right thing by not escalating it. The only thing you really CAN do is tell the gym or police. I recommend at least telling the gym. It will be a pain in your ass and might result in nothing, but it is the best way to go about it. You probably need to do it for YOU, however.
I just try to get past it and let myself feel how I feel. There are a lot of… pent up and mentally unhealthy dudes here, you are the victim, and it sucks, but there really isn’t much more to it than that, I believe. You probably want to change gyms if nothing comes of notifying them.
Edited for clarity.
Op I’m sorry to hear that man. Like you said, if you get into a fight here you’re gonna get deported so it’s not worth it. I’ve been in a similar situation and my impression is that some Japanese men have different boundaries than average and it’s not a big deal to them while it’s a huge no for us.
It’s a really high school mentality. The only way to get passed it is to talk to them about how it’s not okay. If I were you I’d get a friend to translate for me and talk to the gym about it. If you were comfortable having a really awkward conversation then I’d have that friend or someone from the gym mediate a conversation with the person in question. I would record all of these conversations because Japan is a one part consent country. After that you could go to a police station to file a report if you want. Something tells me Japanese police may not acknowledge sexual assault very easily but I’ve not actually talked to them about it before.
Unfortunately your friends at the gym may not react the way you want them to and some of them will downplay the seriousness of it, especially if they don’t have any experience abroad. Try not to let that get to you if you confide in any of them.
Hang in there, man
Do you need to post this on every Japan related subreddit?
Not to say it’s acceptable, but it’s kind of akin to slapping your teammate’s ass in the US.
I’d try to ask other people who have trained in Japan about this behavior. So weird.