I’ve been going to language exchange events around me for two reasons. To have the opportunity to practice speaking, and also meet new people and make actual connections. However, I find that it is really difficult to make actual connections with people in this setting. Is it just me or is this a common experience in these events? Things just feel superficial.
2 comments
To be quite honest, I agree with your assessment.
I went to such events (or sought out “language partners”) in my early days of learning the language — I think everyone has that phase, seeing as how when you’re just beginning it’s hard to make friends “organically” — but I inevitably found them rather unfulfilling and (like you say) superficial.
The reason is that “I’m interested in your language/culture” is not, when you really get down to it, a compelling reason to build a mutual connection with another person.
Honestly, I only felt like I was able to truly make meaningful connections when I was (1) at a level where I could talk about more complex ideas than “Where are you from?”, “What are your hobbies?”, etc., and when I was in an environment (first grad school, then in Japan) where I could make Japanese friends who I actually connected with due to common interests, common perspectives, finding each other’s conversation/company stimulating, etc. — i.e. not a “language exchange” but a situation where the person and I could have become friends and formed that “connection” anyway, and the fact that one of us was a native Japanese and the other of us a native English speaker was just incidental.
So I would say…use these language exchanges if they’re your only real source of speaking practice (but just kind of brace yourself for the fact that the superficial stuff is just kind of the nature of the beast), and in the meantime seek out clubs/activities/sports/what-have-you where the focus isn’t on language or “cultural exchange”, but where you’ll have an opportunity to talk with Japanese people in a more natural, organic environment.
Again, it may not happen right away, but it’s something you’ll be able to realize with time and effort if you’re determined enough.
This is completely anecdotal but I met one of my good friends at a language exchange. I can totally see why it might be difficult tho