Learn Japanese FAQ [Friday Joke Post]

**Q1:** If I learn Japanese, and that is my only job skill, will many career opportunities open to me?

**A1:** Yes, Japan is full of people who’s main problem is they can’t speak Japanese. They just sit there and quietly stare at each other. If you go there and are the one person who can speak Japanese, you will be like a super-hero.

**Q2:** I just don’t have TIME to study Japanese. I have 7 kids, 3 jobs, no house, no pants, no mercy, I’m having a bad hair day, someone took my shoes, I am on fire, and I’m gonna die. How long will it take me to study Japanese to fluency?

**A2:** Uh, just use duolingo

**Q3:** I am a person who doesn’t use online things I just use physical books. I want to be old-school like that. But I need to know, since I go on a lot of business trips, do Japanese books have “airplane mode”?

**A3:** Yes, all Japanese books have “airplane mode”. Fold the paper into a paper-airplane and throw it.

**Q4:** I am studying Japanese really hard and for a really long time like at least 40 years, but I only learned the first three hiragana. I think there are more and also katakana and like 2000 kanji. Can I just be illiterate and learn Japanese.

**A4:** Yes it’s easy. You already are illiterate in Japanese so you’re done with the biggest part.

**Q5:** I don’t have TIME to immerse in Japanese except in the shower, when I’m also immersed in water. How can I do this?

**A5:** Buy a book, and laminate each page. Now you can get the synergy boost from double-immersion in the shower.

**Q6:** I learned Japanese for 13 minutes, in total. I have many Japanese customers at the store where I work. I want to be able to treat them nice when they come in what do I say to them?

**A6:** 様 is pronounced “sama” and is a suffix used to indicate respect to someone like a customer. 貴 is pronounced “ki” and means “precious”. If you call your customers “kisama” they will be really flattered. Make sure you call all your customers that.

**Q7:** Do I *have* to learn katakana?

**A7:** No, *you* don’t have to learn katakana.

**Q8:** Please help me design a kanji tattoo.

**A8:** We used to say, kanji tattoos were a bad idea. But since Japanese fashions get really influenced by the west, particularly America, and a lot of Americans get crappy kanji tattoos, Japanese are starting to copy this and get crappy kanji tattoos. Step 1 is to pick a saying which you think sounds cool in English, step 2 is to put it into google translate, step three is to take it to some tattoo artist who doesn’t know anything about kanji so he can put your tattoo on backwards. This is very trendy in Japan so go for it.