Hello. My Japanese partner proposed to me and I said yes. We’re getting married. We will be formally announcing our marriage to his family (his mother and sister and her family). I met them before. Is there anything I need to prepare? Gifts? If so, how much should be considered proper?
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I don’t think you need to do anything. I’ve been married to a Japanese guy for 20 years and they were just happy to see us get married. I suppose you could bring them all gifts or a food gift to seem polite? But personally I never did anything special and we’ve had a great relationship. Good luck on your journey and congratulations on your engagement.
Congratulations,ask your future MIL. Start building that trust relationship.
I can’t speak to the whole country, but my husband suggested I bring a small gift when we visited to announce our engagement to his parents and when I asked the women at my workplace for advice about what to get, they started talking about their own experiences or what their friend brought, so I had the impression it was a common practice. It wouldn’t hurt to make a nice impression anyways!
As a side note, I knew his mother often made coffee for guests that came over, so I got her a nice gift set of coffee and some yakigashi to go with it. The first time I ever went over to meet them, I got a bottle of his father’s favorite shochu.
And congrats on your engagement!
Ask your soon to be husband, stupid
Ask your partner. They will probably deflect with nah you don’t need to bring anything. Counter with: supposed I really do want to give something, what would be appropriate?
Hi. I’ve been with my SO for 8 years before we got married. I met his family a lot during those 8 years but I still bought some gifts for them when we announced our marriage. Went to our local Takashimaya and bought them some fancy Castella.
When my cousin visited his gf’s fam, he also bought them gifts. We live in Aichi and his gf is from Fukui. He bought some delicacies from Aichi (ebisenbei and Nagoyan) for them.
Hope this helps!
Congrats! I would say a small gift would suffice. But otherwise your partner knows their parents best so I would generally delegate to their advice.
At least 2 babies would be a good gift.
Have you done a “kao awase”? Even thought I met my partners parents before we had a formal dinner with them. Usually you book a private room at a nice restaurant for this. Apart from paying for the dinner that is it tbh. Then you will get gift money from your parents and other relations and usually you should give them a gift in return which is about 30% of the amount you got from them.
Congratulations! When I first met my husband’s parents (each set), we brought small food gifts, but I don’t think anything was expected. We always bring omiyage with us when we visit.
I don’t think you need to take anything, I think from memory (7? Years ago) I took some omiyage from Tokyo when we went to meet them. Maybe expect to sit in seiza and bow a lot and talk about how happy you are and how great their son is. He’ll do the talking. And be prepared to stand your ground (or evade) if you have any solid ideas about the wedding… also maybe discuss with your fiancé how you want to approach any offers of financial support for the wedding too, and if his mum’s sickness means you’ll want to plan it sooner.
I would definitely bring something – I’ve been married for 9 years and still bring something when I visit my in-laws and vice-versa.
I’d suggest Lindt chocolates, nice fruit, nuts from Mamegen, fancy seasonal juice, Toraya sweets, Aesop soap, Dr Vranjes lavender diffuser (a big hit with my MIL), a nice bottle of olive oil, fancy houjicha, tea from Lupicia or Marriage.
You need preface this that you are a female. Gaijin guys have a different angle when proposing to Japanese parents. I know, I have been married 16 years and still playing this game of meeting the parents and family.
First rule of marrying into a Japanese family is to prove you will be a good wife and parent to their grandchild. You can bring a JP pound cake, but they will look at you from the standpoint if you can take care of their grand kiddies, AND if you can even have kiddies. This is a personal item so you deal with it with your future husband. Hopefully you are not already on the dekichatta kekkon train, which is a whole other type of stress.
Your Japanese partner trusts you enough to meet his parents. Go in as yourself and roll with the discussion. Don’t buy them with cheap snacks. Be sincere and show long term plans, like you are not wanting to move out of Japan.
If everything goes well, congrats and share with us your wedding plans!