This happened about an hour ago and I’m still shaky. It’s so stupid. He squished his entire hand into my buttcheek, hard, for about a full second before I whipped around shocked with my eyes bulging and he acted like it was an accident and quickly walked away, even though we both knew it couldn’t have been an accident.
I didn’t do anything at all, unable to think of anything other than trying to convince myself it could have been an accident. I just stood there in the store shaking and shocked. He kept shopping for another couple minutes and heated up his food and left. I think he was drunk. He was inexplicably wearing the slippers provided by our hotel (the konbini is inside the hotel) even though it’s super cold, and are you even supposed to wear those outside the room?
I’m here semi-long term so I’ve sort of practiced in my mind what I should do if this happened, and even though I never actually thought it would happen, I always had assumed if it did it would be on a train, and had also always assumed it would be my breasts, which would be harder to play off as an accident. I’d never planned what to do in this exact situation, so I just froze.
I hate it. I feel awful. I know this feeling will pass, but I’m sure I’m going to be much more aware of keeping my butt protected from now on. I even hated the feeling of sitting down in the chair once I got back to my room because it reminded me of it. I feel like I’m being so dramatic too. I hate it.
I can’t tell my family, but I just needed to talk about this. Hope this is allowed.
43 comments
I’m so sorry this happened to you. We can always tell ourselves we’re gonna do something if it happens but when it does happen it’s too much of a shock to deal with it the way we planned, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
You’re not being dramatic at all, your reaction is very natural. Somebody invaded your personal space in a disgusting way.
Edit: my bf mentioned there should be cameras in the konbini so if you wanted to pursue this guy you could go to the staff and tell them what happened and they could check the footage to see if it really was an accident. If it wasn’t they will call the police. Seeing as that guy is staying in the same hotel as you it might be a good idea to find out if he could be a threat to you again.
Where at?
I’m so sorry it happened to you. You don’t have to feel guilty. Being frozen in a sideration state is a very common reaction to this kind of situation, especially if it never happened to you before. It’s not your fault, okay? And you’re not stupid. Your brain is trying to make sense of of messed up situation.
If this disgusting pig is a client in the hotel, maybe you can signal him to the hotel? Maybe they can even check the camera of the konbini, and report him to the police?
I am a guy and I can’t possibly say I know how it feels. But if I was in your place I would probably approach the cashier at the combini and report it. All the combinis have cams so possibly one of them have a record. If you feel like, you can go tomorrow and report it as well. Or if it helps just sleep and forget it, which ever feels more comforting.
This horrible but its not your fault at all. There’s some fucked up people in the world (everywhere) unfortunately. Sorry dont really have anything else to add, but you should not feel bad about someone violating your personal space.
You’re not being dramatic. No one knows how we might react until it happens. The only solace you have is that you’ll be mentally prepared next time.
Oh my god I’m so sorry. I would definitely let the hotel know and maybe they can get the footage of the person so they can be held accountable 🙁 but definitely also understand not wanting to deal with that after something so gross and violating. You’re not being dramatic at all, I’m so sorry.
So sorry it happened to you.
I hope you’re okay. This was absolutely not your fault and there’s not much that could’ve prepared anyone for this.
The audacity of the disgusting POS is astounding. He should be ashamed.
If he was a guest, the hotel should easily have a record of who he is. Couple that with CCTV and it should be easy to get the guy
Sorry you had to go through that. How dare he.
Your feelings are valid, so sorry this happened to you :((((
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I think you should pursue this matter, report it and ask to see the cameras in the kombini. It’s very likely this person will do it again – and maybe there are already reports agains’t them. These sick bastards need to be held accountable.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I was once groped up my dress walking through a crowd. I’m not afraid usually to be confrontational but it happened so quickly and so suddenly I couldn’t even process it at the time. Feeling violated makes you feel sick and upset, what you went through is awful. Please, don’t be afraid to tell someone about what happened. It doesn’t solve anything but it is cathartic.
you are not being dramatic. you were sexually assaulted. there are other (and one might argue) worse kinds auf SA, but being touched like that still is SA – and the fact that you feel how you feel and dont just feel annoyed a drunk idiot stepped on your foot is not only showing that, but is also normal.
others have said you can report it. there are cameras. that sounds like a good idea to me. I am also male and wont pretend I have any idea beyond that. I dont.
But I had to tell you that you are valid and what you feel is valid. and I am sorry, that a fellow man did that to you.
I hope you can get over it soon enough so this act wont have any more power over you in the future. and I hope that dude gets caught and punished so that he can not do it again.
Hey. I went through something similar – not in a foreign country – but at a busy pub in the UK. I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through this without a support network around, and I hope you can at least discuss this with some friends or even a counsellor or therapist because it is completely not ok.
When I was in the pub, I was a bit drunk, so I felt confident enough to turn round and started shouting at the guy and telling him off, thinking someone would help. He said nothing just looked down, and no one said anything although they stared. I started doubting myself and burst into tears and left.
What I’m trying to say is you can’t ever ‘win’ in these situations and there is no outcome that won’t make you feel like hell because your bodily autonomy has been taken away. The assault on me triggered a lot of other stuff, effecting me more somehow than previous sexual assaults, which felt ironic as it was ‘just’ a grope. It was the driving force behind me seeking therapy.
With the therapist, we came up with a plan for if this ever happens in future and I feel unsure as to whether it ‘was’ an accident or ‘was’ something else:
‘Can you get out of my personal space, you are making me feel really uncomfortable’ is a sentence I practiced in the mirror again and again and again. I have had to use it once since then. Nobody should ever be so close to you that they are touching you like that, even if it was innocent (it wasn’t).
Well done for seeking help and guidance and being incredibly resilient in the process. That guy is a scumbag and you reacted in the same way most people would.
Everything I read sounds like the typical reaction, sadly. Especially if it’s the first time or happening in a situation you are not expecting.
Disgusting part of Japanese culture that is swept under the rug, similar to their WW2 crimes
I am really sorry this happened to you. If you can muster up the courage, ask the hotel staff to review the security camera footage.
Going to Police directly and/or conbini staff may be helpful… but having relatives in the hotel industry, especially if it’s a good hotel, I can say with confidence the hotel staff will likely be 100% more delicate and empathetic and help explain your options / help liaison for you when/if you call the police. (They are trained specifically for MANY situations, and the good staff members are masters at handling incidents like this…)
It’s always a roll of the dice, unfortunately, but I personally (biased) feel like hotel staff have a higher chance of being hospitable (especially in a higher class hotel in Japan).
As others have said, ask for the CCTV footage. Have the police called.
You’ve mentioned not wanting to bother the high school-looking girls with this, but you should. This is serious. I assure you this isn’t the first time this person has done this.
If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for all the other girls that will be assaulted if you do nothing.
Beyond sorry that this happened to you. I sincerely hope you can get in touch with a friend to talk this over with, because while it’s so indescribably infuriating how one person’s actions can do so much to make you feel small and powerless and violated, having someone else who knows what that feels like (having been catcalled/groped/etc.) just helps make you feel a little more sane and grounded. There’s a weird sense of shared support in how much it just absolutely sucks for me and my female friends when we rant to each other about it.
I had my whole titty twisted as I walked past someone in a club once. I have small tatas and was wearing a corset-ish type shirt with no boning and no bra. I was walking back to my friends from the bathroom and I walked past two men to my right and the one just reached out and grabbed my whole tit with his pointer finger and thumb, squeezed and twisted. I’m not shy or embarrassed easily, nor am I passive in anyway, I’m actually just aggressive and mean when you piss me off or hurt me and that freaking hurt so I started flipping out on him. Luckily this club was a go-to for me and I knew a few of the bouncers and had him thrown out. Men really have some audacity. Especially when they are drunk. Never let them get away with that shit. Another story that happened yesterday, 3 Nigerian dudes were in a pizza place being super misogynistic to the lady working inside, I bit my tongue and got my shit. Lo and behold they are parked right next to me as I’m trying to pull out, I wait so they can get in the car. Driver gives me the nastiest look and is staring right in my face and my window is half open. Before I realize I’m talking I’m asking him, why the fuck are you looking at me like that? Don’t look at me like that. Shocked, prob cuz he’s not used to American women actually defending themselves, he got in his car without incident. Always hold your ground.
Fight and flight aren’t the only responses – I’m a freezer myself. I’m so, so sorry that you were sexually assaulted.
Being shocked and not reacting is perfectly normal.
Convenience stores have cameras everywhere. Go to the police, tell them what/where/when it happened. They will take it seriously.
>It’s so stupid.
No, it’s not. It’s 100% normal to feel shocked and upset. What happened to you was an assault and a crime. It is serious.
>I feel like I’m being so dramatic too.
You are not, your reaction is very reasonable.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Violation is a very hard thing to overcome. It happened to me and I was on a subway train which was fairly occupied and not stopping right away. The guy also tried to play it off. Initially I felt so much shock and embarrassment that I froze. Then there was fury and I remembered something that I’d heard about how naming what happened and calling out the perpetrator is helpful, so I loudly said “I know what you did and it’s not ok to grope and grab women!” His face turned bright red and I think he was visibly shaking. The way he rushed out when the door opened… If you bump into or see this asshole in public, I recommend saying something to anyone nearby about him being a grabby little coward. Silence is what these people count on. Don’t give it to him. You did do anything wrong at all. That is assault.
Don’t be hard on yourself, please. I’m sorry this happened to you. Something similar happened to me when I was in Japan recently. Everyone wants to think they’ll fight back or yell, but freezing is a very common reaction. I did the same thing! You’re shocked and trying to process the strange thing that just happened to you, and before you can really respond, the time in which you would have done something has passed. Take care of yourself and try to enjoy the rest of your trip.
What happened was completely disgusting, this wasn’t your fault at all. I’m so sorry this happened to you. He should be in jail.
Why does SA happen so often in Japan? I may be biased here but I see this type of post quite often in this subreddit. It’s just disheartening and sad.
I understand OP because I’ve been involved in something similar before. It was just traumatizing for me.
I would report it so it is on record w. Police. That is unacceptable behavior and hope the police will follow up. If it doesn’t get reported, then the perpetrator will do it again, no doubt. Sorry u are a victim of sexual assault.
So this is a thing? How do Japanese women react? Is it socially acceptable to clock them? It should be.
This was no accident. Men are fucking bold there especially when drunk. On one of my first nights in Japan I had a man reach his hand down my dress and pinch my nipple. This was the first of many of these types of interactions I had. Grabbing the breast and saying “Mommy Milk”. Fucking disgusting and very common.
This happened to me once on the train (about 30 years ago) and I grabbed the guys hand, held it sky high, and yelled “chikan!” at the top of my lungs. Guy got off train and switched to the next car, but I’m still glad I did it.
In the era of video cameras, maybe this approach would be useful? I’m sorry this is still so commonplace.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. This doesn’t help the issue at all, but you mentioned protecting your body and I feel a bit more secure when I tie a thick coat around my waist in crowded places or wear a low slung crossbody bag in the back. On trains, I’ve been crossing one arm over my chest to rest on the inner elbow of the arm that’s holding onto the grab handle. I like to think it helps other people from being smushed up against my chest when the train is packed, too. Best wishes for a great rest of your trip.
Ugh I’m so sorry that happen to you. It happened to me on a crowded train before and I know that shock feeling you’re describing. You think you would react one way, but when it actually happens it can be completely different. In my case I just totally disassociated as it was happening, just like no this couldn’t really be happening, this must be a mistake, even though it is not possibly an accident. The shock wears off but after that it really is such a violating feeling. I’m so sorry 🙁
If you’re not comfortable going to the police to report it, it’s understandable. Please be kind to yourself and don’t let those “I should have handled it this way” thoughts eat at you. You didn’t do anything wrong, that guy is just a really disgusting and pathetic person.
Gad what a jerk – You are courageous for sharing! Hope you can share and help others too.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, your reaction is totally normal. It might help to play a little tetris or a similar game, it can prevent your brain from dwelling on traumatic situations and forming intrusive memories.
[https://www.psych.ox.ac.uk/news/tetris-used-to-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms](https://www.psych.ox.ac.uk/news/tetris-used-to-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms)
Is it socially acceptable to make a ruckus when encountering that stuff as a foreigner? I normally travel alone and I have no problems defending myself as violently as possible, but I also dont want to get in trouble.
I can’t really comfort you over this but just know one thing : you’re not exaggerating, you’re not being dramatic
You’ve been assaulted. This is serious.
Too many people just shrug at this but this is your body and he had no right to touch you.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. I suggest you take a long shower to wash the icky feeling off.
Honestly your reaction seems normal to me, not dramatic or anything. It’s a horrible feeling and whatever state the guy was in doesn’t excuse what he did.
I’m really sorry this happened to you, being sexually assaulted is so serious and overwhelming its very difficult to react in a way you’d choose.
None of that is your fault, it’s the fault of the man who committed a sexual offence. There’s nothing wrong with your reactions or behaviour, you’re the good guy here. He’s the fucking weirdo.
I hope you get some peace of mind from that and the nice and truthful things other posters have said.
The advice of CCTV and hotel CCTV and the police is good advice too
Forty-some years ago I lived in Spain, where being groped was a run-of-the-mill occurence. Most women wore stick pins in their shirts so they could poke the offending creeps. I had a cute little frog pin that got pulled out on occasion.
I also wore wooden clogs everywhere I traveled and kicked guys in the shins when accosted. I didn’t know it was such a thing in Japan nowadays, but I was there when I was 60 years old, so much less likely.
Some men are just disgusting. I think we’ve all been in a situation where a guy groped us on accident. Sometimes it’s in a really crowded place so they pull off the accident card. I literally started walking arms in front of me so it’s harder to do. It’s complete shit to have to protect your breast or any body part because a guy is disgusting and Pervy. I wish there were little electric stuff to return the favor.
So sorry that happened to you. Similar thing happened in the train for me. Same reaction… I hated that I couldn’t speak at the moment to tell the guy off or create a scene to somehow attempt to shame or embarrass him!