RResidents in Japan

How to let men down easily?

In japan foreign men seem really agressive.
Especially if I’m with Japanese friends, especially women.
And they get really abnoxious when we don’t appreciate their unsolicited advancements. Some get agressive too.
How to let them knownthat there is no need to approach me and my friends without invitation?

21 comments

  1. >How to let them knownthat there is no need to approach me and my friends without invitation?

    by telling them exactly that

  2. Other commenters are correct about being direct.

    I wanted to comment about the perception that “foreign” men are aggressive. As a man, that is reversed in Japanese clubs. I was amazed how aggressive Japanese men were. No concept of “bro code,” talking to women despite expressing our favor of them, and literally hovering outside their restroom to ensure no other guy can talk to them. In fact, this goes beyond the club. Go to any restroom and you’ll see their guys not too far from the entrance. Folks may think it’s cute, but this behavior happens regardless of familiarity and it’s territorial.

  3. First ignore them, if they don’t get the hint then I would usually say something like sorry we’re having a private conversation or we’re not here to meet anyone, if they still linger then try be more direct and just say we’re not interested in talking with you. Most decent guys should hopefully get the message and just leave you alone but if you encounter someone who doesn’t I would just leave or go sit somewhere else or go to a different place. Your safety comes first and if anyone gives off really aggressive vibes after you’ve told them then get yourselves away from him.

  4. tell them straight up

    (1) “we are keeping to ourselves tonight”

    (2) “please leave us alone”

    (3) “do you understand fuck off?” and raise your voice each time.

  6. Most of these guys are dicks, in a country where they’re less likely to be held accountable. Tell them you have a boyfriend! Most will probably disappear!

  8. If you feal threatened, dont hesitate to call the police on them. That will be the last time for them molesting women in Japan. No means no.

  10. For Japanese just say, “chotto” and walk away.
    For foreigners just say, “sorry, no” and walk away.
    If they follow you, find male friends to be with and they’ll get the message. Guys don’t approach girls if she’s with guys.

  11. Keep thinking that “foreign men” are the most problematic ones, when actually it’s just as likely that Japanese men can be stalkery/rapey/drugging your drinks.

    Sorry, I know you’re probably just speaking from experience but you could have extremely easily just said “men” and it would’ve attracted the same advice, feedback, comments.

    Yes Japan is a safe country, but an extremely misogynistic one.

  12. Lots of men in the comments, as evidenced by the suggestions to “ignore” or “tell them directly” 💀

  14. tell these men those people other men behind you are boyfriends, and say vice versa to the other men. They will eat each other

  15. Tell them your all married, or just be honest and tell them your not interested. If they insist tell them you play for the other team

  17. The only answer is to ignore steadfastly, freeze them out, don’t engage. It’s hard and takes practice, but there’s a reason you see Japanese women furiously looking at the ground or faces hidden with headphones in when they exit a station entrance. Just looking up is perceived as an invitation for some Japanese (or less commonly, foreign) guy to pounce.

  20. Just give them a heads up. Any normal person would appreciate the warning.

    “Hey we’re going out with some friends tonight and of course you’re coming, but I need to give you a warning as a friend. Many Japanese women (including my friends) have experienced very aggressive and unsolicited advances from foreigners, usually men. I don’t think you’ll do this, but please be wary that what you may think is casual and playful is not perceived as such from the women of Japan. Just be mindful, I want your time in Japan to be good. It’s all about culture exchange and it’s not a secret that Japan is pretty formal. You know? ‘Kay, cool, let’s go drinking!”

    Edit: if this is about random men approaching your group of friends, then they aren’t your friend and just state it. “Hey man, it’s great to see that you’re outgoing guy, but we’re having an invite only social gathering, we’d appreciate if you gave us some space. Enjoy your night.”

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