I’ve been attending a language school in Japan for just over half a year now.
I had made a pretty good friend when first started learning here. We studied together a lot and had complementary strengths being able to teach other differently subjects. I thought our relationship was pretty good, we even went on a 4 day trip together with some others.
After the last school semester started he removed himself from online school groups and chats, and has been avoiding pretty much any English speaker as much as possible. He will not respond to any text, and keeps any in person conversation as short as possible.
I support him trying to make Japanese friends, but I’m just a bit bewildered by the change of behavior’s. He is 30+ years old and I intend to let him to as he pleases, and as such I intend to no longer contact him.
I’ve never experienced anything like this before, has anyone here experienced something similar? Do you have any advice to give?
25 comments
Sounds like he got a girlfriend who doesn’t trust foreigners
Had a guy like this back in University.
He decided he wasn’t going to speak English if there were any Japanese in his vicinity “私は英語を話すことができない”.
He also stalked most of the female Japanese students.
Sounds like someone’s taking AJATT way too seriously
I know sooooo so so so many people like this. I know other foreigners who only want to speak in Japanese even among non-native Japanese speakers or other foreigners. I get it. They want to improve their language skill. But there’s a fine line between speaking only Japanese so that you improve your language skills and being a dick head. The person in your case is not the kind of person you would want to be around anyway. Complete disregard for others and only looking for personal gain. This kind of social behaviour is weird imo and for some reason I feel like those who take it to extremes by purposely distancing themselves from non-native Japanese speakers are just looking for brownie points from native Japanese.
I can’t speak from personal experience to this matter, but maybe they think it would help him improve his Japanese, if they interact only with people who are more comfortable speaking in Japanese. If in the same situation as you, I would probably ask them directly if there is a reason behind the change in their behaviour, if you get an answer it might help you decide what the best course of action is.
Regardless of whether you get an explanation, if you are concerned for them, it might help to just let them know that they can reach out to you if needs be.
Best of luck.
Sound like a fucking idiot. I would say good riddance.
Definitely sounds like someone with autism on some level.
You get a a lot of people like that in Japan. Just move on and don’t waste your time.
You really don’t want to be friends with someone who does something like this
Different people have different priorities with their language goals, and different timelines they’re willing to invest in them.
It’s quite possible he realizes at age 30+ that he has less time to dick around and be clueless about the language here, and wants to experience full immersion to force himself to use Japanese as quickly as possible. It’s not a bad plan, assuming those are the priorities.
In general, there’s nothing you can or should do. For your own benefit, you can write him off as an asshole or whatever, but the reality is the friendship was less important to him than to you. It happens.
Sounds like a special guy
Welcome to Japan. Unfortunately you get those dickheads quite often. And unfortunately for you, you lost a friend. It sucks but you can’t do anything so just move on.
Back when I taught English at an eikaiwa I met several foreign teachers who just wanted to chase Japanese people and didn’t want to be bothered by other foreigners. Ignoring anyone who isn’t a native Japanese speaker is pretty extreme, though, even for the Japanese chasers I knew back then.
Japan tends to attract some of the strangest and most socially incompetent people. I wouldn’t worry about it, chalk it up to him being a weirdo and move on.
Weird people from overseas find Japan a sort of safe haven. He sounds like he’s in that demographic.
you can make that decision to fast track your japanese learning but at least be a decent person and let your friends know, what a prick.
When I was studying here back in the day, I was trying to meet some of the other people from abroad. I remember one person saying to me “I didn’t come here to make friends with other foreigners.” Felt bad man.
Instead of making friends with Japanese or non-Japanese, just try…idk making friends? You’d think that would be common sense, especially when you’re in your 30s.
Ah, the creepy assimilator! The “I am more Japanese than you!” guy.
Yea, you lost nothing but a sea of red flags.
What’s funny is that I know foreigners who do the opposite. They’ve been here for ever but refuse to speak Japanese and only make friends with other foreigners or Japanese people who speak English to them
He is most likely a r/japanlife member, everyone here gets a superiority complex after living in Japan for a while.
This year I had a coworker like this. He would speak Japanese just fine to our Japanese coworkers, in a loud voice, do all the social mannerisms/sounds, over volunteer information on whatever, basically wouldn’t shut up.
Whenever I tried to talk to him in English? Short and curt sentence or two, and/or for some reason not understanding what I said and saying something a bit off the subject or not answering in the same line as whatever I said.
It’s possible he just didn’t like me but I’m not sure why as I always keep to myself unless people ask me things. I tried my best to gently break him out of whatever shell and was just met with the above every time. I don’t have this problem with other foreign coworkers, we all get along great.
At least from your description, it sounds like he went about it in a rude way, but the approach to avoid spending time with English speakers is perfectly valid and how you actually learn the language. Seems most people here are giving him a hard time and saying that’s stupid, but that’s probably one reason most foreigners don’t really learn Japanese.
I went to a language school many many years ago and I made casual friends in class (where English wasn’t allowed anyway), but I intentionally didn’t hang out with anyone outside of school and spent all my time studying or going out with Japanese people that couldn’t speak English. The approach got me to 1kyu (now called N1) after one year.
To add some more color, I did relax in the final term and hang out with number of fellow students who are friends to this day. And ironically I still speak Japanese very well and have plenty of acquaintances, but zero Japanese friends today.
There are many people like him. You don’t need to worry or care about him anymore. Ignore him and move ahead.
It really depends on his background and appearance; however, even unpleasant people like him can make many Japanese ‘so-called’ friends and avoid talking to non-native speakers of Japanese.
As a Japanese citizen, I prefer communicating with people from abroad who also have foreign friends and don’t mind communicating in a non-Japanese language. As far as I know, those types of people, like him, are very weird and display some abnormal behaviors.
Honestly, don’t read too much into it. I don’t think it’s really a reflection on either of you. But he’s just making a point to immerse himself as much as possible. He might feel like the clock is ticking, he might just be frustrated with his progress.
The truth is that foreigners in every country tend to group together. This is ok and can be an extremely valuable support system. But it can also result in a diaspora that is simultaneously neither really immersed in the country they live in, and also increasingly disconnected from their native country. And eventually you end up with Quebec.
But seriously though, the thing is that spending time with other foreigners, slipping back into English is seductively easy and comfortable. He’s just taking a personal stand to force himself out of a comfort zone.
Probably had an episode where they were dissatisfied with their Japanese level to their current goals, and they are taking extreme measures to make up for lost time.
Either they’ll be satisfied with the progress they make and open up to their old social circles again, or they will spiral into an even deeper pit of dissatisfaction. Depends on their personality and fortitude. All you can do is root for them and be nice if they go through tough times.
Try speaking Japanese with them. Ask them what their goal is in Japanese. It might be awkward at first, but they might open up about why they want to learn so much Japanese in such a short amount of time.