So I’m now taking home all my stuff from my girlfriend’s house and never coming back without she knowing.
3 days ago, we got into an argument where she was so mad that she ended up slapping me, hitting me and trying to choke me in a way I never expected. I had never been hit my entire life by a partner, and even though I am way bigger and stronger than her I kinda just stood there until I finally break down, start crying and finally cover my face. She then says she won’t do it again and she’s sorry. Before hitting me she said all crazy shit about killing me and stabing me or what her father would do to me and that she would ruin my life because she has done that to someone on the past. I have never seen so much rage in someone’s eyes.
That night and the days after I rly though of leaving but I was afraid she would get mad and idk get a kitchen knife and try to stab me, I’m not joking, I’m seriously scared of this girl now.
Day after guess what, we get into an argument again and she ends up slapping and hitting me, like hard, rly hard, breaking her promisse right away.
Today I was finally able to be alone at her place for a while. I did not leave before because I had a lot of stuff that I could not leave behind and I’m sure she would just destroy everything.
So my problem now is. She knows where I live, work, my friends etc. How serious should I take this? Am I overreacting and going paranoid or should I take serious measures, like talking do the police and stuff.
What do you guys thing I should do?
Edit 1 – Thank you all. I appreciate all the help in the comments. Will be going to the police ASAP.
32 comments
Police station, restraining order
Where and how do you guys keep finding these women so I can do basically the opposite.
Definitely report it to the police. Go to the large police station for your area, not a koban. If you have any bruises, scratches, or other marks, photograph them clearly now before they fade. Save any texts you have of her threats. Take screenshots. Upload them somewhere (dropbox for example). Email them to somewhere. Be sure to print them out to show to the police (you can print them at a convenience store.)
Congrats on stopping to stick your dick in crazy. Expect her to claim that she’s pregnant, and maybe demand money for an abortion. 99.999999% sure she isn’t pregnant. Be aware that some girls sell positive pregnancy tests online, and lots of ultrasound images online that some girls will use to “prove” they are pregnant. If she isn’t willing to pee on a pregnancy test provided by you, or take you to a doctor’s appointment, she isn’t pregnant.
If she doesn’t go the pregnancy route, she might claim she will kill herself if you don’t get back together with her. Call the police and report it. They *might* do a wellness check on her but they also might not.
Hope you enjoyed the crazy-girl sex. It really is the best but it’s never worth dealing with the end result of crazy.
here comes our favorite national pastime.
OP username checkout
So first, you’ve done the right thing – leave, with whatever important stuff you need and do not go back, don’t take her phone calls, nothing.
Police and restraining order for sure. If you have an even remotely understanding boss, say that you have an ex-partner that is going through some mental health problems – be brief, do not be emotional, do not go into great detail about arguing every day, about her threats of violence etc – this is just to ensure the company isn’t surprised if she suddenly shows up making a scene. If you are calm, cool and collected, and just make a professional report to your boss, they will 100% give you the benefit of the doubt. If you get all emotional etc, they may well decide that ‘well, both of them are crazy’.
Go to the police, right now, file a restraining order. Take any photos you can. If she shows up, videotape everthing but DO NOT ENGAGE with her. I repeat – DO NOT ENGAGE. Do not talk to her, do not try to reason with her, do not shout at her, nothing. Close the door / leave the area, whatever you do – videotaping everything – but DO NOT ENGAGE.
You are not over-reacting and you are not paranoid. If she really is mentally unhinged, violence is a real threat, and you are right to want to address it. Police station, pronto.
Note: I don’t know what the cause of the initial argument was – but even if you were at fault (I’m not saying you are), there is never an excuse for violence. She’s a girlfriend, not your wife or mother of your child, etc. There is zero reason to entertain the crazy.
Get out, move house, change your number. Also go to the police station (not a koban). Don’t let her try to get you back no matter what she says, she’s crazy and abusive.
I can fix her.
All joking aside, I have a feeling I know who this is… Is her father a Dentist?
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Follow the same procedures as a woman, and try not to let doubters get you down. I believe you.
I think if I were you, I’d start with TELL for advice about counseling and they may be able to point you in the right direction for legal and how (or if) you should notify your workplace that she may cause problems.
And document, document, document. If you must communicate with her, do it by text and screenshot everything.
I hope she loses interest in you quickly. Hang in there.
That is one typical yandere if I’ve seen one( intended)
Clearly mental health issues. Sadly not that rare with untreated issues in Japan.
You didn’t see any earlier signs of this? Usually there would be some signs of volatility.
As someone else said, some police may not take a DV report seriously if it’s comming from a man, especially if you are clearly physically larger.
Be careful.
Lol the fact that she brought up her dad is straight up hilarious. I’m sure you can send her dad to the hospital if you wanted. Anyway, call the police. Hope things will be ok for you soon.
Yup get out of there mate, no one should put up with abuse. Look I do understand the chivalry rights and that we are strong but any basic human can inflict damage. Don’t be afraid to knock her ass out if she becomes dangerous and you are cornered. Defence is defence no matter the sex.
Domestic abuse is no joke and you should nip it in the bud real quick.
She belongs to the streets.
Grab your stuff, call your friends to help you take your stuff or just leave with a small suitcase. Do not tell her you are leaving because she is dangerous and she could hurt you. If it’s your place change the locks asap.
I agree with the advice to go to a large police station, or at least document everything she is doing.
But I would like to add that when you go to the police, prepare for the likely possibility that they will try to blame you, ask what you did wrong to make her angry, gaslight you, dismiss everything you are saying as just a couple’s quarrel, or try to make it someone else’s problem.
It sucks, but because you are male and a foreigner, you are going to have to fight to get the police to not blame you, yet alone lift a finger to help.
bro run😂
First mover’s advantage is important. Be the first to act. Get a police report done ASAP, and be very precise with your details. If you have time, get in touch with your city office. They will know what to do and will listen to you first.
Sometimes the cop would try to gaslight you and influence your written report in ways that would put you at a great disadvantage. I recommend getting a translator if Japanese is not a native language.
In the next couple of days she will try to call you. Record it. She might play the I’m sorry card again. Or she might hurl abuses at you. Record all of it. Always have a friend with you at all time.
japanese women are just crazy behind thier Tatemae
I don’t have any legal advice, but please take this seriously! You are not overreacting at all.
What she did was unacceptable and you deserve to feel safe.
Wishing you the best.
I read a lot of things about being killed by a psycho bf here in japan. The girl aparently reported to police 2x months before she got killed. She have done that restraining order thing but the bf just could not move on and one day stabed her to death. Girl was 22 years old (japanese) and bf was 28( i think chinese). I conclude that police reports are useless if the guy or girl is really intending to kill you without thinking about what would happen to themselves
Happens op. Get out asap. Hope the mank was at least good tho.
In your community, there may be social services for men suffering from spousal abuse. I know there is in my city.
I’m concerned that you still call her a girlfriend and not an Ex.
Please don’t ever let her into your life again. Abusers will not only never change, but it’ll get worse.
Take care!
You should probably record her, (audio or video) when she goes off in these crazy tirades so at least you have the evidence to back up your claims. And screenshot any crazy stuff she says via text msg or anything like that.
Hey, keep us updated please!
[Take care](https://www.reddit.com/r/japanlife/comments/14ygfap/how_to_remove_lipstick_from_a_shirt/) and don’t give unstable chicks [enough reason](https://www.reddit.com/r/japanlife/comments/160p51f/comment/jxswcz8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) to smack da shit outta u! Police, block, move on.
There are so many stories like yours that you guys really need your own group or some therapy to help you get over your fetish and stop dating crazy Japanese chicks. Anyway, people telling you to go to the police have good intentions, but I highly doubt that will do anything, though you should still go:
I’m a woman and had to go to the police once. Let me tell you this: the police do not want to get involved in personal disputes and will definitely try to gaslight you and even blame you for it, especially because you’re the (gaijin) man.
It’s still worth going, but just so there’s a record because I’m sure this crazy woman is capable of going to the police herself and telling them *you* assaulted her or even raped her, then your gaijin ass will be in trouble.
this is exactly what “domestic violent” meant.
go to the near by police station for extra protection.
my friend got stab by his ex, and one police visit later she cant even go near more than 1km of him.
I’m so sorry. This is unacceptable, it’s domestic violence and abuse. Once you’re safe I hope you’ll be able to see a therapist to make sure you’re okay mentally as well. All the best OP
This is not of any help to you but a related anecdote. Back in the mid-90’s a friend of mine who enjoyed more than an occasional toke had a girlfriend who was abusive in a similar way. After numerous episodes he broke off their relationship. She immediately went to the police and informed on his extra curricular activities. They raided his apartment, found a bong and tiny quantities of leaf, and that was enough to get him arrested, jailed, tried, and deported, never to be allowed to return to Japan. Moral: be careful with whom you comport in Japan.
I don’t like the people joking about “yandere” in this thread, it’s real life DV vs some anime bullshit.
I’m sorry to hear that.
There is a Hotline from the Gender Equality Bureau Cabinet Office. Check this [**link**](https://soudanplus.jp/). You can call or e-mail them, as well as chat with them. It seems that they have a multilingual support including English. Contact them asap to seek for advice from professionals, ask them about the next steps etc.
Reporting to the police is valid. At the moment I’m writing this, I assume you have gone to a big Police Station already. Could you let us know what they told you?
By the way, I read one of the comments and it seems that what triggered her action (or overreaction) was the fact that you were contacting your ex (the one previous to the last ex). Do us a favor next time: don’t share your smartphone’s PW to your future partners. Her DV against you is totally unacceptable, but you could have avoided this turmoil. Also, solve your issues with your other ex(es) and start a relationship properly.
Now, the most important thing is your safety. I think you should let one of your best friends in Japan know about what happened. You said she knows where you live and work, but so you know where she lives (and where she works).
From now on, ignore her either online or offline on the streets. If you have a camera in your house or flat, that’s way better. If she follows you to your door, you should turn on the video and be ready to record her actions, if any.
Someone who tells you they will cause you physical harm should always be taken seriously if you’re meant to mutually understand their intent to be as stated.
That is – with the exception of people who jokingly say (wacky to the average person) things to each other (they exist), always take someone’s threat seriously. I would never take someone who states something like that “in rage” as joking. Ever. Joking is under control and with both parties understanding as such.
So baslcally – bail. As for how to do it, if you know someone locally who is familiar with this kind of situation I’d start there. I’d go to a lawyer as a 2nd option. The point is – when you do it, you want to make sure you have yourself legally covered. Impulsively “just leaving” you may not be accounting for things that may allow them to continually harass you legally.