So I’ve talked to a few married friends/ past coworkers here in Japan and the majority of them always tell me that their wives ( Japanese wives) always tell them they “gotta make more money”. I’ve also noticed a lot of people on Reddit saying the same thing. How common is this ? I mean if my wife told me that I’d pack her bags the next day. Is fighting about money a common thing in foreign ( guys foreign, wife is Japanese) marriages 🤔
30 comments
Gotta make the green in any country
Are these guys English teachers?
Fighting about money is a common thing everywhere. In Japan it has a lot of nuance to it. Some women don’t work once children come into the picture, making the husband the sole earner in the household. A meager salary of 2.5 to 3 million is likely enough for the two of you if you’re able to budget your spending, but all of that kind of goes out the window when if you have a kid. So, the discussion of making more is very likely to come up.
I’ve been married for a long time and my wife has never said this. She’s always been pretty independent though and thinks women who leech off their husbands are pathetic.
People who post this stuff are the sob stories. People don’t post about normal, healthy marriages, in Japan or elsewhere
My wife and I make a combined salary of 8M – 9M yen and it’s not easy to live with two kids. Why do you think you population of Japan is decreasing so rapidly?
Idk man it happened to me in the US too
Seems kinda universal lol
Depends on the spouse I guess.
Too late for me …
We’re both working full time so double income with 1 kid.
Wife (Japanese) works full time and has a above average salary and still expects me to pay all the bills
At one point I got tired of the discussions and arguments and just started paying it all …. stupidest mistake of my life .
Anyway .. a small suggestion which could help … be open about finances and talk about each other’s expectations cause it can be the biggest headache you’ll ever face in a relationship if you’re not aligned with each other’s expectations.
I married a diamond. She never told me anything about money, she is paying more than half of the bills. She is happy that I’m into video games because she couldn’t live with someone addicted to pachinko or drinking. We argued twice since we got married 10 years ago.
On reddit you will only read the bad stories. I know a lot of couples similar to my couple. Have hope.
The problem is they married a woman who sees them as a meal ticket.
It obviously depends on the person, communicate your expectations.
Although I must admit that in my experience the relationship is based on a foundation that might be more conservative than other countries (again depends on the individual but proportionally speaking I think my argument holds up)
Thus some topics are less taboo than others.
A woman can expect you to earn for 2 so she can stay at home for example, and it is not necessarily seen as being a gold digger, or a lazy individual, it’s just a preference.
So although everyone has different education and experience I think the social taboos enable that kind of discussion easier than other parts of the world (mostly western I guess)
I’m a house husband and my wife has never told me I have to get a job or make more money, some women are just lemons and care about money more than their relationship
If they are english teachers then the wifes have a point lol
My wife was on my team at work, and then I quit after only six months or so. She quit a month later.
I was still technically unemployed when I proposed about six months after that. She didn’t bat an eye. Bless her parents, they didn’t either.
Coming up on 16 years of a very happy marriage and money has never been the subject of dispute, nor has she ever said anything about making more money. She’s very happy being a stay-at-home mom and housewife.
We discuss all major expenses and we plan ahead for things. I couldn’t do what I do if she wasn’t taking care of me, the house and kids, she couldn’t be a SAH mom if I wasn’t making it rain LOL. We’re a good team. Can’t remember the last fight we had.
Globally, the most common reasons for fights: money religion and sex.
No, “fighting about money” is a common thing worldwide
It’s the #1 cause of divorce in the US, and I’d imagine most places
Different perspective, I’ve married a Japanese man and he’s never pushed me to be a stay at home mom, which seems to be the standard. In fact he generally help with chores and caring for our children.
But I use to here from some male colleagues married to Japanese spouses, their wives were stay at home parents and did all of the household work and childcare. One h had a fine relationship were one was always nagged by his wife. I took it as he should be helping more around the house.
I’m the one who gives my wife work advise to get more money because she deserves it and she’s too shy to ask for it.
My wife is a treasure. Supports me and just wants me to be happy. We both recognise money is important but put health and happiness first and just work together.
The key is just don’t marry a cunt.
I’m the opposite, an Aussie girl married to a Japanese guy and whenever we fight it’s about money 😆 I’d say it’s pretty common.
My wife knew me poor. Doesnt expect much from me lol
My wife has never said anything like that to me. Meanwhile, her friend who is living in Australia is constantly pestering her Australian husband to magically just make more money.
I mean, I can only imagine the fellas who hear this are either working low-end English teaching jobs or married to women who carry around designer bags. Nothing like that here.
Finances are a huge issue with couples all around the world.
JpnGal has never said or implied this at all with me. And we’ve been married for over two decades. We’re not rich by any stretch but we are comfortable in our lifestyle and living situation.
My wife stopped caring about that when her salary passed mine.
I’ve never heard my wife say this to me. But then again, my wife makes 3x my salary lol
My wife doesn’t care that much, priority on QoL over money. As long as we’re living nicely, properly saving money, no issues
I think it’s common among Japanese couples, too, a couple between a Japanese man and a Japanese woman.
I think you mainly hear this from guys who have been working at an eikaiwa making ¥270,000 a month for years. That’s a really low salary to stay in. It’s only a matter of time before a spouse asks whether their partner is going to keep making that kind of money or move onto something better.
Sometimes I think hubby is low-key jealous because we make basically the same salary, but I have almost 0 overtime and he’s working for an infamously black company
We’re thinking of kids in the near future but not just yet, though have already agreed it would be tough to raise a family on just his salary (and I want to work even after having kids anyway) so we’re on the same page about money matters, the way any couple should be
In every country, it depends on the person you get married to. In my case, I chose to marry an independent person, and we always talk and focus on building a future together, working side by side. Like any other couple, we have issues and we are far from being a perfect couple, but whenever we have problems we try to address them and talk talk and talk again. However, issues will happen no matter if you marry a Japanese person, Peruvian, Spanish, American, or Indian. At the end of the day bro, we are individuals with different expectations, dreams, and desires…
Based on my experience, for many foreigners facing these problems, it often stems from their ability to sustain themselves when single. They may marry a traditional woman who prefers staying at home, essentially being like a decoration, and unclear expectations from both sides can also lead to issues.Oh, I might also add that some foreigners tend to become somewhat immature while in Japan. They expect their wives to treat them in a special way (you know how Japanese people treat foreigners and make us feel special, especially if you are white). But issues arise when they are not treated as such (I know a few guys like that).
Finally, as some have already mentioned, sad cases are often shared on the internet because people use it as an outlet to express their frustrations. Generally, healthy and happy marriages are busy enjoying their lives and working towards their future.
The moral of these stories? Choose a person for what they can bring to your life in the long term, not just based on how beautiful or cute she might be and leave clear both expectation from the beginning.