So this is a strange post to write.
I have been in a relationship with a Japanese woman for a year now, and there’s been talk of meeting her parents.
Obviously this is quite a nerve wracking thing for any person with limited knowledge of Japanese dating, as I’m sure many here have experienced.
My girlfriend is 21 years older than me though, with me being 24, which is adding to the many thoughts I’m having about how it will go.
Have any redditors here been in this situation before? If so, how did it go?
Obviously I have spoken to my partner about this, and she has told me that her mother will probably faint when she is told about us being in a relationship.
She mentioned bringing a gift of course, and trying to improve my Japanese ability as they know almost no English.
She also mentioned that they would ask the two standard questions:
– “Do you have any intention to get married?” (Someday I would like to).
– “Do you have any intention to have kids?” (No, and my partner agrees with this, but I will likely give a maybe answer, depending on what my partner thinks is best).
To top it all off, my partner believes that they will be more disapproving of the fact that I’m foreign than my age.
So my question is, has anyone else had a similar experience before? How did it go? And is there anything else I can do to prepare? Any advice is appreciated.
https://www.reddit.com/r/japan/comments/woockb/international_couples_of_rjapan_with_large_age/
18 comments
Gr8 b8 m8
Lol, three years isn’t a “large age gap” in any country I know of.
If she’s 45, her parents will be happy she’s considering getting married at all. Has she been married before?
I’m not in your position but two things come to mind:
– usually in Japanese relationships you don’t meet the parents until marriage is imminent. Are you 100% sure you and your girlfriend are on the same page about why this meeting is happening? And even if the two of you are on the same page, I would imagine her parents will assume you’re on the verge of marriage so be prepared for how to handle that.
– if she’s in her 40s I imagine her parents are getting up there in age. Are you and your girlfriend on the same page about moving in with them?
Someone show him that jvlogger married to a granny so he can see his future.
Gross
Giggity
娘を世話にします。
You’re welcome
> “Do you have any intention to have kids?” (No, and my partner agrees with this, but I will likely give a maybe answer, depending on what my partner thinks is best).
I wouldn’t go with a “maybe” answer. Given she’s 45, she would need to start trying yesterday so that could result in a lot of unwanted pressure from the parents if they’re keen on grandkids – sending links to fertility clinics and studies. Just go with “no”.
You don’t meet the parents unless you intend to marry her.
She’s in her 40s. No longer a child.
Be polite and respectful but if they don’t like you for reasons that aren’t your fault, that’s their problem. Grow a spine.
No experience with the age gap, but meeting my wife’s parents was easy and smooth as we got married in Canada and moved here to help with the family business.
However, she is married to the most loudmouthed, insensitive, and “stereotype rude american” guy you’d ever meet, so I had a very very low bar 🤣
Also not trying to say Americans are rude, but he’s exactly the satire stereotype “would kiss Trump on the lips” kinda guy you’d see in political comics haha
My (Japanese) husband is 10 years older than me, and we didn’t have any particular issues when I met them the first time and when we got married. Though now, after 7 years of marriage, is a different story lol 🙂
From my experience just be be polite (basic manners) and speaking even the most little beginners Japanese will go down well. Talk about why you like Japan what your country is like, make comparisons to what’s different etc They will be interested to know.
I’m 12 years older than my Japanese partner so not that huge. Hung out with her parents at a resort a few weeks ago which her dad kindly invited me to. Seems ok to me. In fact made it easier to get along as we can talk about investments, real estate etc as he was some cfo-like figure in his company
Consider meeting the parents in japan as x10 more of a deal than in the US or other western countries. Generally meeting parents means you’re getting married for sure.
Hit the eject button and reassess life. Plenty of 20 and 30 year old Japanese girls out there to date without this complication. She is dating a foreigner 20 years younger than herself… she is not okay. And you are in the best place in the world to enjoy your youth and you settle on someone who will be 50 before you’re 30? Something is probably wrong with you too. Good luck.
If she’s 45, I’m not quite sure her parents really come into the equation lol.