I am married to a woman who has a child with Japanese man. She separated from him as a result of domestic violence. An agreement was made for visitation rights where he can see her once a month.
Yesterday, we saw our daughter crying. She had informed us that her father has been prying information from her during her visits with him. Questions such as how we live and what we do for work. He now wants to setup a hearing with an attempt to get custody based on us not living the way the japanese are living, (eating the same foods and celebrating all of the holidays that the Japanese do) and apparently thinks we don’t earn enough to take care of her.
He knows that I am a student but he doesn’t know that I get paid to go to school. On top of that I get monthly compensation based on injuries I’ve received when I was working for the government. Both of these payments equal to around 450000 yen monthly. My wife just RECENTLY stopped working because of maternity leave. (Christmas baby).
My wife and I are worried about a potential hearing and don’t know what to expect next. Has anyone dealt with custody problems like this? Any advice is appreciated.
by pineapplehush
10 comments
Just sounds like a jealous moron. Likely he just submitted forms to the family court out of spite. If he goes through with it there might be a negotiation process to discuss custody. I would simply hire a lawyer to go on your behalf to the monthly meetings if they go ahead. During those meetings they’ll try to wear him down, being fully aware he is acting out of spite. He might have shot himself in the foot, since you should now also submit forms requesting child support payments as part of the process.
Not eating Japanese food or celebrating Japanese holidays is NOT part of the process. And if you don’t have enough money then he needs to pay you child support.
My wife is a lawyer and used to represent foreign workers in Japan as part of her volunteer work. Most of the cases ended up being divorce/custody ones. Heard similar stories a thousand times.
Sorry you face that predicament.
You may not have confirmed, do you live in Japan? Permanently? Do you plan on staying long term?
Also, is your spouse Japanese?
450,000 a month is a healthy sum, and your wife should still be receiving a majority of her salary for awhile on maternity leave, right?
The other man doesn’t have a leg to stand on if he’s arguing financial hardships.
It will be a battle between sexism and racism in the Japanese courts. Usually the mother would win hands-down, but the race-card is a curve-ball
Lawyer up, just in case he acts, you want to try to record everything and start a paper trail.
You don’t have to tell him how much money you make at all, it’s his burden to prove you’re not providing enough for your family.
If you wanna keep raising the child, have you though about adopting her and putting her on your koseki legally?
Bro you are on the winning side already just by having the woman already and im not talking about the relationship. I’m talking about manpower. Wear him down. Hire a semi cheap lawyer then rotate between just the lawyer, just you, just wife and both you and wife going into court. It saves you time and emotional distress AND Unless he has a significantly bigger salary than you both combined times 2 then you’re completely fine. 2 salaries against 1 are great odds. And make sure to include the topic where he is badgering your child for info. Better if you have proof of that.
I’m healthy ex Navy Japan and my guess is you’re on the GI Bill or Post 9/11 bill. I would be real vague about the 450K yen a month as a paid student and collecting that much (no offense) as it might infuriate him more as he’s most likely a deadbeat like most. Agree with others that he’s an abusive loser and trying to work the J system as a child against a gaijin, but you don’t want this pos keying your car, burning your house down at 3AM or trying to blackmail you. Just sayin and good luck…
Whose daughter is it according to Koseki? If it’s hers than cut off all contact with him. There’s nothing he can do. There’s no such thing as split custody.
I wouldn’t take anything for granted and take a lawyer ASAP.
I’ve heard about custody battles in Japan from my wife and it’s not pretty. Her cousin lost the right to see her daughters after suffering domestic violence for instance, because she made the mistake of seeing another man while they were not officially divorced yet. She hasn’t seen her kids for over 15 years, which is just insane to me.
On the bright side, if you play it right, he may lose the right to see his daughter altogether, as there’s no shared custody in Japan. Now that would be fair.
He jus want to scare and make you feel uneasy. With his domestic violence case he cannot win the custody.