I've been noticing recently since covid has died down that more and more people are saying things like 「外国人が多いな。。。」and stuff like that, in somewhat of an exasperated way. This kind of thing used to bother me a lot more years and years ago, but since I've been going through some depression recently, this has kind of triggered my depression a bit too.
For context, I'm an American who has lived in Japan for around 10 years. I speak good Japanese and would say that I have a good ability to read the air, and follow social cues etc. But, I can't help but feel that just by existing I'm giving some anxiety to the people around me, or that they're disappointed to see me. I probably shouldn't, but every once in a while I get recommended some YouTube or instagram video about foreigners moving to Japan, or some Hiroyuki thought piece on why foreigners moving to Japan is bad, etc lol. And I really shouldn't but I can't help myself but to check the comments. It's all things like 「外国人が入ったら日本が終わるよ」and 「はい、移民は望んでいません」 with like 500 upvotes and stuff like that. It just makes me sad, to be honest.
I didn't used to live in Tokyo, and for at least a few hundred people I'm probably the first foreign person they ever interacted with. I felt like I was doing some kind of good just by being around and showing people that "Hey, foreigners don't have to be so scary! We can learn Japanese too, and be polite, etc". But now I can't help but feel like this sentiment is only going to get worse, and that I'm only adding to the problem and the "death of Japan" by existing here. It's kind of surprising because my experience with Japanese people has been that, while ignorant about a ton of stuff, people seemed to be much more reasonable and in the middle about topics compared to Americans. But a lot of the sentiment I'm seeing post-covid as the tourists return is reminding me a bit of fox news… To clarify, I don't need to be the center of attention. I've actually enjoyed being treated a bit more like a fellow human in Tokyo, but I am feeling a bit of a different energy out here recently. It just seems like someone is always looking around, and counting how many of us gaijijn there are, and then saying it out loud lol.
I don't know. I probably shouldn't care, and I've dealt a fair amount of the kind of systemic racism you find in Japan, and it hasn't bothered me that much. But recently this has been getting into my head a bit. Anyone else? Thoughts?
by ImpressionNecessary2