I’ve always been puzzled by this, never gotten a straight answer. Maybe someone knows here.
I met my wife just after her mother died here 25 years ago. She was worried about her father being alone so we moved back to this Inaka town to help out, moved next door. At the time, I could choose anywhere in Japan to live with my job contract which would only last a limited time. I did not want to move here because I knew it would severely limit my social and work network, but it was the first time I saw my wife cry, so agreed, and as usual, I smiled and gave it 100%.
Her older sister had moved here a couple of years earlier, and her husband had changed his name to the family name, and the plan was he would take over the family business. Everyone was promising us all kinds of help if we moved to this town, suggested buying us a new house and other support etc.
When we moved back, we found out we were in the middle of a family drama. Her father had been dating a woman who turned out to be a gold digger , and she manipulated him into marriage. The oldest daughter hated this woman and there were continual attacks going back-and-forth involving various relatives etc. even my wife agrees her sister is a selfish bitch furiyo who’s never worked a day in her life, but always had luxury poured all over her by the parents. Her husband was a good looking fashionable idiot Who had no skills or potential to run a company. I liked my wife’s father, he was a very down-to-earth decent guy who worked hard and been successful, had a good reputation in the town.
Long story short his daughter and new wife fighting combined with huge problems in the family business led him to have a nervous break down, and near collapse of the business. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer shortly after. All of this dragged on, and we ended up being here for over 10 year helping out. In the meantime we had gotten married and had children, and were getting no help or attention through all of this. We were struggling here with kids on our own with none of the promised support or time from relatives for kids, no grandparent or aunt uncle visits etc. it was heartbreaking.
Anyway, against the wishes of the father, the son-in-law closed the business and liquidated all the assets. The father died shortly after. The relatives consolidated a bunch of properties, sold some off, leased others, maintained a bunch of rental properties etc. There was some dodgy activity regarding a massive life insurance policy, and the new wife disappeared shortly after the funeral with enough money to live in luxury the rest of her life.
My wife’s oldest sister (the spoiled bitch) inherited absolutely everything, and lives with opulent wealth now and property investments, a wealth management company handling everything for her. My wife told me even the lawyer handling the settling of the estate was disgusted by the attitude of her sister and husband, asking them if they understood how fortunate they were and how rare this was. They were complaining about this and that thing they were inheriting, saying the paperwork was “mendoi”.
I should mention, years before in the midst of all this drama, the oldest sister had offered us to take over the family name and estate , etc. saying it was too stressful. my wife acccepted, and then quickly her sister reneged the offer. Turns out she was just looking for attention and sympathy.
At the time of her father’s death, we had been renting a family property to live in and run our small business from, at above market value so as to help her father with money indirectly. We had also put most of our free time and savings into reforming the properties to make them livable. My wife asked to inherit this modest property, and it was given to her.
In retrospect, I’m not feeling good about any of this. Staying in this area for many years to support my wife’s family lead to my career and social network getting torched beyond repair. I feel like I’m stuck here now in a poor situation and I can’t leave. With my wife suddenly starting to threaten divorce from last year, I was shocked to find out even our modest home and business which she promised me as our basic security for the future, can be taken away from me because nothings technically in my name, despite me investing heavily in all of this with my own time and money. Ironically, I can’t help but feel that part of the marriage stress is due to the contrast between my wife’s sister’s luxurious lifestyle and our struggling in this Inaka town. Sorry for the long post, I’m just so confused, hurt, bitter, and terrified right now.
It seems like her sister caused a lot of unnecessary problems and stress, led to the suffering and early death of her father, division between us and our kids and the rest of the family, and in the end she was rewarded for it all with inheriting wealth.
My question is why only the oldest sister inherited everything? With the exception of the low value property my wife got, her and her other sister asked for nothing, while the oldest spoiled bitch sister took everything, Which was far more than she needed. My wife just says it’s some thing about the oldest child in traditional Japanese culture is supposed to inherit everything as the “honke”, even if all the children are legally entitled to an even split.
by Emotional_Design4434
11 comments
Holy wall of text Batman!
Short answer is, your sister in law bullied everyone and claimed all the inheritance for herself.
Your wife can sue for unfair split, but she won’t because she doesn’t to stir a fight and everyone in your small inaka town will know about it, so she somehow saves face for the family by biting the bullet.
There’s nothing traditional about that, especially since the business, the only thing that might warrant transfer to “the elder son” as a whole, was dead already.
This happens a lot, not only in Japan.
I don’t entirely know what I just read, but I felt like I just walked into some family drama.
I think the key to understanding what’s happening is that: **The law only gets involved when someone or something forces it to get involved.**
It’s not a magical entity that makes sure things happen well; it’s a powerful monster that forcibly resolve things often to everyone’s dislike.
As u/furansowa suggests, it sounds like what happened here is that no one was willing to make a civil suit out of this.
Japanese civil code defaults to even distribution among spouse and surviving children. In fact, half of that is non-discretionary. But this only happens when someone invokes the law.
in many families with businesses, everyone is taught from the get-go that one child will get everything and no one complains — ergo law never get involved. It makes some sense if say you own all the hotels in the city, because if split them now you’re competing with your siblings and destroying everything.
Inherited assets usually are distributed according to an agreement between heirs, one could get the house, the other money, for example. If there is no agreement, it can be taken to the family court (this would be your wife’s task though).
Since your wife got a house, it seems there’s not much that can be done? Was there a will? Suspicion that the “gold digger” let the will vanish?
You need to talk to a lawyer, they have no right to disown your wife. Well she needs to do the talking.
If I were in your situation, I would be more concerned about never seeing my kids again after a divorce.
I would forget about the sister and her existance, I would put on a fake smile if I ever needed to see her or her husband, and I would just try not to make my wife want to divorce me.
From what you said, it seems your wife has gotten over it.
It is very clear that you haven’t gotten over it.
Maybe consider therapy?
If you feel like divorce is inevitable at any point, I suggest submitting a 離婚届不受理申出 at the city hall where your wife’s koseki is located. (In order to submit it to any other city hall you need to get a 戸籍謄本) Then talk to a lawyer about the situation and what things you need to do to protect yourself in the event of a divorce.
Can anyone do a tldr?
Gosh “long story short” ended up with another 1000 words essay.. gave up halfway even though I wanted to chip in. Lol
>why only the oldest sister inherited everything?
There are only two possible answers: because your wife agreed to let her, or because there was a will that your wife chose not to challenge.
It is not possible to transfer ownership of property belonging to a deceased person (bank deposits, real estate, etc.) without (1) proof that all statutory heirs have agreed to the proposed transfer or (2) proof that the proposed transfer aligns with a legally valid will.
As japanese tradition, only the eldest inherit everything. I don’t understand it and it’s bonkers to me.
My mom and her 10 siblings worked with her some 20 cousins in a bakery shop as a kid. Her mother (my grandmother) was not the oldest. It turns out that my mom was just a slave at the bakery shop. When my grand-grandfather died and the bakery shop was set to close, the eldest son (mom’s uncle) inherited everything and my mom and siblings were put out of the house. They were adults at this point, so they could manage to survive. Tough times though. I dislike this aspect of japanese culture.
I’m not reading that effin’ wall of text. Please look up the word ‘paragraph’.
I married into a shit family as well, very happy to have extricated myself from the situation in time to regain control of my life! Live and learn.
Sounds like you married into a typical Japanese family… Perfectly ordinary on the surface, a disaster on the inside.
So many people who will play the happy child or happy spouse for decades and then as soon as money and inheritance gets involved, are perfectly happy to burn bridges, ruin families, and destroy someone’s life work.
As for the inheritance, “With the exception of the low value property my wife got, her and her other sister asked for nothing”.
Maybe your wife should have asked for something? It sounds like she accepted the property.